Archive for the ‘Science’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners, Dry-Clean Only

Suit on cell: And three girls we know will be there. They're all hideous. But at least they're girls. –28th & 5th Overheard by: Heinz Man in suit: The building is surrounded by outside. Right before you go in and when you come out, you are outside! –Downtown A Train Overheard by: The Green Cat Suit whining on cell: Aw, come on! I wanna be on top this time! –Flushing Overheard by: Zee Suit: The only time I wore socks last year was during my swearing in. –Maiden & William Suit: You know, we should probably just send a company-wide email in the morning: "hey guys, we're fucked." –Wall St Overheard by: Tamcakes

Wednesday One-Liners Start a Love Train

Student: I just always assumed everyone’s love of integrals. –John Jay Hall, Columbia Dude: I had her up against the wall and was all like, ‘Jimmy cracked corn,’ and shit. She was lovin’ it. –A train, 42nd St Overheard by: Ilyse Man: I did scream, ‘I love you Lindsay Lohan!’ when I saw her at the costume thing, but that’s just ’cause everyone else was. –20th & 5th Man on cell: No, not that Jim. The Jim who loves acid and foie gras. –Metropolitan & Union, Brooklyn Overheard by: liza Conductor: I know you’ve heard of the love boat. Well, this is the love train. –Metro-North Overheard by: Mark Schilsky Guy to girlfriend at table of friends: You just love my average-sized cock! –3rd & 2nd Overheard by: Chuckles

There's a Wednesday One-Liner in My Hair! Get It Out! Get It Out!

Guy: I don't think bees even have vaginas. –23rd & 3rd Suit to another: I want him scrutinized. At a gnat's ass level! –Midtown Office Middle school thug: I been radioactivatin' spiders in my kitchen. –C Train Overheard by: Emily B. Mother to five-year-old boy: No, you can't buy grandma a plastic spider for Christmas! –74th St & Broadway Overheard by: Harriet Vane's Husband Guy on cell: Hey, did I tell you I got drunk last night and ordered 1,500 ladybugs off the internet? –Brooklyn Overheard by: Ashley

Vanity, Thy Name Is Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?" –Pratt Institute, Brooklyn Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today! –Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny. –PATH Overheard by: Corey Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently. –Montague St, Brooklyn Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE! Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again! –8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea Overheard by: Evan Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic! –Washington Heights

Just Wait ‘Til We Get to the Fungus Unit and I Give You All Lapdances!

HS teacher with PhD, looking in stereo microscope at spores: Oh no, you won’t be able to see the hermaphrodites fully, they’re not sexually mature yet. [Dances around.]
Student: Umm… Okay.
HS teacher with PhD, clapping hands: What you’ve got there is some sexually frustrated spores [keeps dancing, moves to next station, fiddles around with knobs] Ooh, ooh, your spores haven’t come yet, but they’ll look like mittens when they do.
[Student bursts into muffled laughing.]
HS teacher with PhD: I know, aren’t spores fascinating? Are you laughing at my dancing?… Because biology just gets me so excited! –Notre Dame Academy H.S., Staten Island