Archive for the ‘Security Guards’ Category

Check Your Attitude While You’re At It

Bag check guy: I want your bag.
Comic book chick: Pardon?
Bag check guy: You know the rules. Give me your bag.
Comic book chick: Sorry, I didn’t know I had to check this.
Bag check guy: What did you think, that I’m just some crazy black man sitting up here harassing people?
Comic book chick: Could be.
Bag check guy: That’s true. –Forbidden Planet, 13th Street

The Wasteland Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to security guard: We're not fucking tourists, man, we're just trying to get back to our home in Jersey.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Metrosexual guy: There are two kinds of people I will never, ever, date. One are people who are culturally ignorant. The second is people from New Jersey.

–45th & 5th

Overheard by: Mr. Pink

Proper British woman to loud drunk guy: Go back to Jersey!

–BB King Concert, Christ United Church

Overheard by: bb

Uptight 40-something white guy: I can't wait to get safely back in New Jersey!

–A Train

Overheard by: JoshBob

Wednesday One-Liners Mostly Just Stand Around

Security guard: Oh, man, thank god for anti-depressants and alcohol! Nothing like Jack Daniels to get you through the day.

–The Met

Building security guard to mailman: Don't you think tv saved the world? Say you've got 10, 12, 14, 16 kids . . .

–William & Beekman

NYU security guard to long line of kids: A'ight kids, e-z passes out. Put your IDs in the air and wave them like you just don't care!

–College of Arts and Science, Washington Square Park

Security man: No photos in Tim Burton! No pictures, no photos! Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, tell someone you don't like!

–Tim Burton Exhibit, MoMA

Security guard: Have a nice day… Now get the hell out of here.

–JFK Airport