Walkie Talkie: Style for Lori. You’ve got a guest freaking out upstairs. Get up here. –Style Court Plaintiff Room
Archive for the ‘Security Guards’ Category
I’m Also Terrified of Clowns
Bag Check Guy: I’m so scared of mice here now that I’m thinking of tucking my pants into my socks. –The Strand
Check Your Attitude While You’re At It
Bag check guy: I want your bag.
Comic book chick: Pardon?
Bag check guy: You know the rules. Give me your bag.
Comic book chick: Sorry, I didn’t know I had to check this.
Bag check guy: What did you think, that I’m just some crazy black man sitting up here harassing people?
Comic book chick: Could be.
Bag check guy: That’s true.
–Forbidden Planet, 13th Street
The Church Has Always Been Ambivalent About the Natural World
Foreign tourist to security guard: Excuse me, where is Central Park?
St. Patrick's security guard: Central Park? Ooooh, that's like up at 110th Street. You're real far…
–St. Patrick's Cathedral
The Wasteland Of Wednesday One-Liners
Guy to security guard: We're not fucking tourists, man, we're just trying to get back to our home in Jersey.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Metrosexual guy: There are two kinds of people I will never, ever, date. One are people who are culturally ignorant. The second is people from New Jersey.
–45th & 5th
Overheard by: Mr. Pink
Proper British woman to loud drunk guy: Go back to Jersey!
–BB King Concert, Christ United Church
Overheard by: bb
Uptight 40-something white guy: I can't wait to get safely back in New Jersey!
–A Train
Overheard by: JoshBob
Wednesday One-Liners Mostly Just Stand Around
Security guard: Oh, man, thank god for anti-depressants and alcohol! Nothing like Jack Daniels to get you through the day.
–The Met
Building security guard to mailman: Don't you think tv saved the world? Say you've got 10, 12, 14, 16 kids . . .
–William & Beekman
NYU security guard to long line of kids: A'ight kids, e-z passes out. Put your IDs in the air and wave them like you just don't care!
–College of Arts and Science, Washington Square Park
Security man: No photos in Tim Burton! No pictures, no photos! Tell a friend, tell a neighbor, tell someone you don't like!
–Tim Burton Exhibit, MoMA
Security guard: Have a nice day… Now get the hell out of here.
–JFK Airport
…But Know That the Whole City Of New York Is Looking Down on You.
Tourists: How do we get to the tour of ground zero?
Security guard: See that window across the street? Go up those stairs and over, and you can look down at it if you want.
–Ground Zero
Remember the Good Old Days When You Could Smuggle Antiquities with Impunity?
Asian man: What seems to be the problem?
Security official: Other than the fact that your passport and your ticket have two completely different names on them, nothing.
–JFK Security
Stupid Race Card
Guard: Your key card doesn't work.
Teenager: It's because I'm black.
–Columbia University
Elegant Folks Drink Wine from a Mix
Black woman: How do you get fucked up on wine?
Black security officer: I drink that shit like it's Kool-Aid!
–F Train
Overheard by: Ohhh Yeah!