Archive for the ‘Security Guards’ Category

And Laugh About 'em Behind Their Backs

Indian snack counter vendor: What's that on your head, man?
Security guard with ash cross on head, in thick New York accent: It's ash Wednesday.
Indian snack counter vendor, snickering: Okay.
Security guard: Hey, I don't laugh at you guys when you put dots on your heads. You gotta respect other people's beliefs. –9th St & Broadway Overheard by: The Chocolate Muffin Sucked

Wednesday’s Gonna Have a Little One-Liner

Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy! –Grand Central Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant! –TGI Fridays Overheard by: Sara Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts! –8th & Broadway Overheard by: Hannah Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex. –Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th Overheard by: jmike Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time! –96th St station Overheard by: Kind of Confused 20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct. –Columbia University Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Which Would Solve Just about Zero Percent of Your Problem, Sir

White student: I can’t believe you guys gave my ID to another person!
Security guard: Yeah, I’m really sorry. I wish there was a better system for doing this.
White student: Yeah, they should have all the Asian kids in a separate directory, because they all have the same last names. –23rd & Lex Overheard by: Darren Montalbano

The Wasteland Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy to security guard: We're not fucking tourists, man, we're just trying to get back to our home in Jersey. –Port Authority Overheard by: Confabulation Nation Metrosexual guy: There are two kinds of people I will never, ever, date. One are people who are culturally ignorant. The second is people from New Jersey. –45th & 5th Overheard by: Mr. Pink Proper British woman to loud drunk guy: Go back to Jersey! –BB King Concert, Christ United Church Overheard by: bb Uptight 40-something white guy: I can't wait to get safely back in New Jersey! –A Train Overheard by: JoshBob

Wednesday One-Liner: What Is It Good For?

Cleaner: What a pair of tits on that girl! That's why we go to war, that's why we're in Iraq! –Service Elevator, Lexington & 41st St Overheard by: Nicky Annoying chick, about John McCain: I mean, he was a POW because he fucked up! –Shea Stadium Overheard by: megan Security guard, breaking up fight during peace march: You can't fight at the peace march! You can't fight at the peace march! –143 & Malcolm X Woman to screaming three-year-old: And that's why you have to register to vote! Or else they'll draft you and you'll have to go to war! –33rd & 2nd Girl on phone: I can just get a pass from the Israeli army. Don't worry about it. They're easy. –NYU Palladium Dining Hall