Male African-American bicycle-taxi driver: You see all these white people here? All these white people is from Europe! You know that story?
Female African-American park guard: No…
Male African-American bicycle-taxi driver: Yeah!
–Central Park
Overheard by: white New Yorker
Archive for the ‘Security Guards’ Category
That's All Anyone Knows, Buddy.
Museum guard #1: I need to learn more about this Lady Gaga person.
Museum guard #2: You've never heard of Lady Gaga?
Museum guard #1: All I know is that she's just… weird.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Maggie
Wasn't That So 2009?
Female security guard to sneezing kid: Cover your mouth when you sneeze. We don't need no swine flu in here.
(other library patrons laugh)
Female security guard: Yeah, I said it!
–Brooklyn Public Library
Overheard by: The City Planner
…Without Underwear
Dumb girl, slinging leg over goat statue in MoMA courtyard: Take a picture of me riding this goat!
Dumb boyfriend: Honey, you're sitting on a Picasso.
Security guard: You don't need to be smart to go the MoMA.
–Museum of Modern Art
And Laugh About 'em Behind Their Backs
Indian snack counter vendor: What's that on your head, man?
Security guard with ash cross on head, in thick New York accent: It's ash Wednesday.
Indian snack counter vendor, snickering: Okay.
Security guard: Hey, I don't laugh at you guys when you put dots on your heads. You gotta respect other people's beliefs.
–9th St & Broadway
Overheard by: The Chocolate Muffin Sucked
Are You Supposed to Tell Me That?
Girl: I haven't seen you in a while.
NYU security guard: Witness protection program. It's like a Bar Mitzvah for Italians.
–NYU
If You Eat Here, It'll End Up There in Half an Hour Anyway.
Old man: Could you tell me where a restaurant is?
Security guard: Right there (points to men's room).
Old man: I don't want to shit. I want to eat.
–JFK Airport
The Elderly Are As Independent and Uncooperative As Cats
Guard to elderly tourists at elevator to roof: Please swing the line around the corner.
Elderly tourist: Ve don't sving.
–Metropolitan Museum
Well You Talk About It with Your Colleagues
Little girl, loudly, to security guard: My brother has a suspicious package in his pants!
Mother, pulling her away: You don't talk about that in public!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Strip search in 3…2…1…
Time Flies at Gunpoint
Security guard: I hate it when there's nothing to do all day.
Cashier: Today's been good, though. Hectic. Lot of people robbing us.
–Duane Reade