Archive for the ‘Sensory Experiences’ Category

Wednesday One-Minors

Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls. –Flushing, Queens Overheard by: Tara Small boy to teacher in increasingly panicky voice: Is this Narnia? We're not Narnians yet, right?! –NYU Kimmel Center Overheard by: Narnia @ NYU? Five-year-old to three-year-old brother: Listen, we're going to have food all winter. It's hibernation. You know what hibernation is, don't you? Hibernation is when animals eat a lot of food and sleep all winter. We're gonna hibernate! –M104 Bus Overheard by: Samantha Little kid: Grandma, smell this! It's Obsession for Men! –Bergdorf Goodman Sobbing five-year-old girl to mom in CD section: I wanna download, I don't wanna waste my money. –Borders, Columbus Circle Overheard by: Can records labels sue toddlers?

Wednesday One-Liners Powder Their Noses

Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it's okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I'm really sorry–I'm just entering the subway, that's what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn't wash her hands) –34th St & 9th St Flustered 50-something suit: It's burning! It's burning! –Penn Station Bathroom Man in stall: There should be a law against what's coming out of me. –25th St & Park Ave Overheard by: I agree Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can't talk to you right now. (pause) I'm in the bathroom! (pause) I've got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick? –Restroom, Grand Central Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel! –Men's Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas Overheard by: Russ Wall

Wednesdays Pad Their One-Liners

Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too! –Wagner College Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks. –Winter Garden Theatre Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick. –Park Slope Overheard by: Sunny Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone! –Outside Penn Station Overheard by: David

Do They Make a Glade Plug-In for Wednesday One-Liners?

Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here! –Grand Central Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now. –44th St & Broadway Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?" –59th St & Lexington Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that? –Brooklyn College Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated. –Downtown A Train Overheard by: christopher james Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis? –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy. –F Train