Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it's okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I'm really sorry–I'm just entering the subway, that's what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn't wash her hands) –34th St & 9th St Flustered 50-something suit: It's burning! It's burning! –Penn Station Bathroom Man in stall: There should be a law against what's coming out of me. –25th St & Park Ave Overheard by: I agree Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can't talk to you right now. (pause) I'm in the bathroom! (pause) I've got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick? –Restroom, Grand Central Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel! –Men's Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas Overheard by: Russ Wall
Guy #1, in long line to exit ball park: It smells like fart in here.
Guy #2: Yeah, but when you get this many people in this small a space, you're gonna smell some farts. –Yankee Stadium Overheard by: xplod
Girl #1: Come on, smell it!
Girl #2: Why would I put my nose close to the poop in your hair? –14th & Ave A
Football player on razor scooter, chasing shirtless theater major: I'll get you my pretty… And your little dick too! –Wagner College Girl, looking at long ladies bathroom queue: At times like these, I wish women had dicks. –Winter Garden Theatre Slightly drunk man: I feel like someone just shut a door on my dick. –Park Slope Overheard by: Sunny Hooker to pimp: I had to suck his dick in front of everyone! –Outside Penn Station Overheard by: David
Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here! –Grand Central Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now. –44th St & Broadway Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?" –59th St & Lexington Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that? –Brooklyn College Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated. –Downtown A Train Overheard by: christopher james Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis? –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy. –F Train
Leggy blond: Maybe it isn't spit.
Short brunette: Sniff my hair.
Leggy blond: What?
Short brunette: I said, “sniff my hair”!
Leggy blond: No!
(short brunette glares, leggy blonde sniffs her ponytail)
Short brunette: What does it smell like?
Leggy blond: Shampoo.
Short brunette: Dammit! –The Kooks Concert, Terminal 5
Hipster girl: Oh, by the way: why did your place smell like piss?
Hipster guy: Matt* got drunk and pissed everywhere last night.
Hipster girl: And when you say Matt* you mean you?
Hipster guy: Yeah, I might. –Lorimer St
Girl: It smells like vagina.
Guy: No, it smells like vaseline or something.
Girl: Really? It smells like ass. –Radio City Overheard by:
Boyfriend: I would do just about anything for a job right now, maybe even take it in the ass.
Friend: Ew! Why would you want to do that? It burns and throbs for like a week after.
(long awkward pause)
Friend: Uh-oh. (blushes, runs away)
Boyfriend, yelling over crowd: Oh, great… You set me back months with my girlfriend.
Girlfriend: You're such an asshole! –Brooklyn Overheard by: nick