Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

Makes Exactly As Much Sense As Fantasy Football

NYU guy: I was totally into Obama until we met Sarah Palin and now she has made me all Republican for her milfiness.
Friend: You know you don't get to fuck her just because you vote for her?
NYU guy: But I can only hope for my brothers in DC. You know like some Bill Clinton intern shit up in the White House, but this time with a hot mother instead of cigars and shit. –L Train Overheard by: Nikki

Wednesday One-liners for Fuck Machines

Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom. –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: V Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents! –Pathmark, Massapequa Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead? Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults. –Columbia University Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not. –Columbia University Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun." –Grand Central Overheard by: galgal

Wednesday One-Liners (the King James Version)

Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then louder.] If the Amish can do it, so can you! –113th & Amsterdam Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy Lady on cell: You tell my momma to get her ass to church and stop sinning! –Grand Concourse, 205th St. Overheard by: LSB Black guy to another: Go to the Catholic church, cracka. They got good drugs. –11th & A Middle Eastern man: I believe in Islam and Allah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop doing those things, then I’ll pray. –C Train Overheard by: Mark Thug: I totally invented the Chuck Norris religion. –Queens Mall Overheard by: LSB