Hipstress to another: At least now if you find a baby on your doorstep, you'll have a dresser drawer to put it in. –Pete's Candy Store, Brooklyn Overheard by: Mat Freimuth Gamer on headset, freaking out: Oh my god, why would you move the couch!? Why the hell did you move it, idiot!? When you move a couch, bad things happen! Move the couch… You stupid… Oh my god. Wanna know why we all died after moving the couch? Because we moved the damn couch! –Glendale Middle-aged woman backing away from pink, cushioned chair for sale: Only $199? I wonder what it would be like to fuck on that chair! –Hamilton Heights Angry wife: No, it's fine, at least I finally know how you truly feel about throw pillows. –65th St & Broadway
Girl #1: So I told him, “Uh-uh, no way, that’s a one way exit!”
Girl #2: Yeah, but have you ever seen a two way exit? –14th & 3rd
Girl #1: I mean, don’t tell him I told you that. You can’t tell him I said anything, or he will flip his shit.
Girl #2: It’s Vagina Night! –Rivington & Orchard
Guy to girl: We don’t know if they’re sleeping together or just commuting together. –Cooper Union Overheard by: V. Johnsen
Husband: Sex with you is great, but it’s no substitute for pepperoni! –Stop & Shop supermarket, Ridgewood Overheard by: Dawn
Drunk guy on subway, trying to whisper: Um…for future reference, don't use that French accent next time we fuck.
Loud drunk girl, breaking into hysterical laughter: Ha! And then you're going to tell me not to fart on your balls! –B Train Overheard by: Glad I missed that party
Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?" –Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now. –Metro-North Overheard by: fingerling Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid. –Hard Rock Cafe Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner. –McCarren Park, Williamsburg Overheard by: kalbijim Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning? –Williamsburg
Guy #1: And I didn’t even go to first base with her. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.
Guy #2: Yeah. We were with the ugliest girls in the world that night. –53rd & Lexington
NYU guy: I was totally into Obama until we met Sarah Palin and now she has made me all Republican for her milfiness.
Friend: You know you don't get to fuck her just because you vote for her?
NYU guy: But I can only hope for my brothers in DC. You know like some Bill Clinton intern shit up in the White House, but this time with a hot mother instead of cigars and shit. –L Train Overheard by: Nikki
Old lady: No, Henry, trust me. You were never a fuck machine, and I certainly did know how to fake it. –113th & Broadway Overheard by: Marc Mitchell