Guy: Who would you rather have sex with? The girl with the lazy eye or the fat chick?
Girl: Lazy eye.
Guy: Yeah, she’s got a good body.
–Style Court Audience
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category
Incest is Best
Young woman on the subway to her friend: “It WAS incest! Can you imagine if your brother slept with your mother? UGH!!!”
Methinks the Lady Doth Protest Too Much
Puerto Rican Teenager #1 in Williamsburg: “Hey, calling someone else gay means that you’re gay!” Puerto Rican Teenager #2: “Are you calling me gay? ARE YOU CALLING ME GAY? I’m not gay! Bring any woman out here right now, and I will fuck her in front of you all, in front of the world. Anyone. Do it, right now! I will show the whole world that I am not gay! Do you hear me? Do you hear me? I AM NOT GAY!”
“Really? I’ll go get my shovel!”
Girl #1: I love Kurt Cobain. I so would have had sex with him.
Girl #2: That’s like #60 in a long line of dead celebrities you would have had sex with. You’re such a slut!
Girl #1: No, see, you can have sex with as many dead celebrities as you want and not be a whore. It’s the rules.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Let’s Cross That Bridge When You Come On It
Teen Girl: It’s a good thing Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt broke up because I am so going to do him when I meet him. If he is with Angelina Jolie that is even better because I would totally do her too. I would definitely do both of them! –Staten Island Mall
NYers on the Issues: Shoes
Hispanic girl on cell: I don’t care what shoes you’re wearing, you’re still Puerto Rican! –92nd & Broadway Woman: When a girl tells a guy she likes his shoes, that means she wants to fuck him. –Delancey St.
Seminal Wednesday One-liners
Hip Hop Guy on cell: I’ll just keep my nuts shaved and everything’ll be fine. –Varick Street Coffee guy on phone: I’m not talking about whacking off, I’m talking about fried chicken! –Alt.coffee, Avenue A Overheard by: Dibson Hoffweiler
Only in New York and Only in Her
Cum slut: I thought the spermicide would take the sperm away. But it stayed in there and just got itchy. And burns. –Ginger, Ave. A Overheard by: Tibbie X
Not Even an Albino?
Spa Girl: I just want to remind you that for 24 hours after your appointment you can’t have any food or drink with color.
Man: So does that mean that I can’t sleep with a black woman tonight?
Spa Girl: Uh…no! I guess not!
–BriteSmile Spa , 57th & 5th
Overheard by: Jackie Lee
And You Call Yourself A Guy…
Guy #1: Do you think you could ever date her?
Guy #2: I don’t know.
Guy #1: Why not?
Guy #2: I can’t picture myself having sex with her.
–Tower Records, 66th & Broadway
Overheard by: Josh Caldwell