Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Wednesday One-Liner”

Hobo to female passerby (singing): Pretty woman, walking down the street/Pretty woman, eating a hamburger…

–Wendy's, Union Square

Overheard by: Hungry Bystander

Salesgirl to another: You look pretty today…for a little Filipino girl.

–American Eagle, SoHo

Overheard by: Holly

Loud hobo walking through crowded train: Lots of beautiful ladies on this train. Beautiful white ladies. Beautiful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-looking girl) Do you wear makeup? You shouldn't. You don't need it, you are so beautiful. If you have any makeup, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ugly.

–Downtown 4 Train

50-something woman to pretty 20-something girl: I just wanted you to know that our husbands over there think you are one of the most beautiful girls they have ever seen. So now our husbands are going to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be thinking of you during, but thanks to you I am going to have an orgasm tonight, so thank you for being so gorgeous.

–Boat Basin Cafe

Overheard by: Megan W.

Guy on iPhone: You think because you're pretty you can get away with that shit. Well, you're wrong! You can get away with that shit because you're rich!

–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

C'mon a My Wednesday One-Liner!

Man on phone: Come down the road and I'm the first house that you do not see.

–Office Building, W 46th St

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Black woman on cell: Don't fuck in ma house!

–Union Square Station

10-year-old boy to another: Yeah, my mom says I can fuck a girl in her house, as long as she ain't a skanky-ass ho.

–105th & Broadway

Overheard by: Andy

Girl to friend: We can't hang out at my house. I don't know anyone there anymore.

–125th & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy cycling past very fast, to cycling companion: So he bought a whole house just to store pot?

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: peeper

City cop to two homeless guys: If your house is worth like $200,000, you can probably only get a equity loan for like $100,000. (homeless guys nod their heads in agreement)

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: E

Wednesday One-Liners Have a History of Violence

Guy, to girl: If I wanted to be angry, I would have punched you in the face a long time ago. –34th & 7th Woman on cell: Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face. –33rd St & 31st Ave, Astoria Overheard by: Wade Woman: It’s not like someone put a gun to your head and told you to fuck her! –Penn Station Overheard by: Cha Guy on cell: Yes, I’m interested in your sparring class…No, you see I want to hit somebody. –Bryant Park Overheard by: Braincurve Thug, to his girlfriend: Yo, I don’t care if you a girl or not. I will bust you in the head with a rock. –Central Park

More Like Extra–Whipped–Cream

Woman: We’ll have the perfectly peanut butter sundae.
Store girl: Okay, sure.
Man: Come on, you know I fucking hate the taste of peanut butter!
Woman: Are you kidding me? I ate your jizz just a couple of hours ago, I think you eating the ice cream I want would be a decent fucking compromise!
Store girl: …Um…Yeah, so…I’m taking that as extra peanut butter. –Dylan’s Candy Bar, 3rd Avenue

Cue the Least Romantic Song Ever

Thug #1: Kelly Bundy’s dancing on Broadway.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: She broke both her legs. I think she in a wheelchair.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: I bet she dance good. She hot.
Thug #2: I’d break her clit if I had the chance. –F train Girl: If I hear another show tune out of context I think I’m going to vomit. Physically vomit. You know that feeling?
Guy: Uh, no. –42nd between 9th & 10th