Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

“This One Time, at Wednesday One-Liner Camp…”

Angry man on cell: He was a porn star, not a pianist.

–Outside Fairway, 72nd St

Goth chick on cell: We're inside. Yeah, she's playing "Creep" on a ukulele. No, I'm serious!

–Spiegelworld

Art student: I did some acid and they made me play with a guitar, but it felt like plastic and it sounded like cheese!

–Pratt Institute

Tall drummer girl: This is why I love you guys. When the drumline goes on break, they're like, "let's play some more!" When you guys go on break, you're like, "let's explore each others' bodies!"

–Pathmark

Overheard by: Another band geek

30-something African American woman: Mmm-hmm. He playin' her ass like a violin!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: KTizzle

Wednesday One-Liners Lick Themselves with Noisy Enthusiasm

Man walking dog: Yo, take a shit right here.

–Houston & Mangin

Overheard by: How about a little to the left?

Woman to her gang-banging pug dog: Everyone can have love together!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: riana

Man to Yorkie, tugging at leash outside porn shop: You don’t want to go in there. Nothing you could use in there… Hmmm, except maybe the rubber goods.

–28th & 8th

Overheard by: Chuckell

Upset man to black lab walking sheepishly beside him: They didn’t want you in there because you’re black, and they should have the guts to say so! We should go back to that fucking place and burn it down! [Pats pooch on head.] Good girl. You’re a good girl. [They start walking away again, and man mutters to himself] Motherfuckers.

–W 4th St

Wednesday One-Liners May Need to Pay for It

Chick on cell: What are you doing tonight? Do you want to grab a drink, since I’m not having sex?

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You know Bin Laden? Bin Laden has no sex.

–1 train

Lady to two girlfriends: She harasses people with that body. That’s why ain’t nobody want her.

–96th St station

Mid-50s blonde: I just don’t think I’m getting anything out of this. I mean, you don’t give me sex, you don’t give me money, so what the hell am I getting?

–Sushi restaurant, Soho

Man on cell: I’m okay now. The doctor said I could have sex. If only I could find someone to have sex with.

–E 61st & Lex

Blonde: We don’t have sex that much because I’m a virgin.

–E 23rd & Lex

Overheard by: Jake

Guy in hallway: I’d stick it in her, but she’d just pull it back out again.

–Leon M. Goldstein High

Overheard by: Hand-banana