Guy, to girl: If I wanted to be angry, I would have punched you in the face a long time ago. –34th & 7th Woman on cell: Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face. –33rd St & 31st Ave, Astoria Overheard by: Wade Woman: It’s not like someone put a gun to your head and told you to fuck her! –Penn Station Overheard by: Cha Guy on cell: Yes, I’m interested in your sparring class…No, you see I want to hit somebody. –Bryant Park Overheard by: Braincurve Thug, to his girlfriend: Yo, I don’t care if you a girl or not. I will bust you in the head with a rock. –Central Park
Woman: We’ll have the perfectly peanut butter sundae.
Store girl: Okay, sure.
Man: Come on, you know I fucking hate the taste of peanut butter!
Woman: Are you kidding me? I ate your jizz just a couple of hours ago, I think you eating the ice cream I want would be a decent fucking compromise!
Store girl: …Um…Yeah, so…I’m taking that as extra peanut butter. –Dylan’s Candy Bar, 3rd Avenue
Thug #1: Kelly Bundy’s dancing on Broadway.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: She broke both her legs. I think she in a wheelchair.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: I bet she dance good. She hot.
Thug #2: I’d break her clit if I had the chance. –F train Girl: If I hear another show tune out of context I think I’m going to vomit. Physically vomit. You know that feeling?
Guy: Uh, no. –42nd between 9th & 10th
Suit on cell: And your penis is bigger now? –68th & Lexington Guy: I’m being totally honest, you guys…I pulled my groin playing ping pong. –51st & Lexington Overheard by: Mike Barish Lady: Well, I don’t think he realized I was a hooker! –73rd & Broadway Overheard by: Sandro Olivieri Girl on cell: So he was a big guy, and he was pretty big, but not that big, but I’m, like, tiny, so we tried, but it wouldn’t go in. Are you listening to me? No, it wouldn’t fit…what could I do? I dropped to my knees and did what I could, but we just won’t work. –West Broadway & Houston Overheard by: Darby O’Gill Mustache: I walked in and it was clearly a gang bang gone awry. –Dive bar, 96th Street
Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.
–45th & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Morgan
Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!
–6 Train Station
Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!
–23rd & 9th
Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!
–Washington Square West
Overheard by: David Fishkind
Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!
Overheard by: Alexandra
Engineer #1: I would poke her, man. I would poke the life out of her.
Engineer #2: I have poked her. I have poked the life out of her.
Girl, walking by: Look, you two need to get laid. Facebook means nothing to us girls; we get a billion pokes a day.
–Brooklyn Polytechnic Institute
Preppy tween #1: You know, I really should try to get my grades up.
Preppy tween #2: Why's that?
Preppy tween #1: Well, if I did better in school my parents probably wouldn't think I was going out and having sex and doing drugs all the time.
Nerdy serious white guy: See, that's what's great about going to Afghanistan. I'm no good at talking to women.
Overheard by: annearchist
Nerd walking into archaeology class from noisy hallway: Do you hear the roman legion?
Nerdy guy on cell: Yeah, she's an exhibitionist. She needs to be punished, but who's going to do it?
Geeky Korean kid outside high school: I'm not really bad. I'm, like, medium-bad. You know, like, bad… But still good.
Overheard by: Samantha
Nerd to another: Your entire belief system is based on the rotundity of Darth Vader… That is a farce.
Overheard by: Nicole
Bartender: Are you getting her anything for Valentine's Day?
20-something guy: Probably not.
Bartender: Nothing? Flowers? Anything?
20-something guy: What am I supposed to do? Send a note that says “thanks for fucking me”?
Queer: Hanging out with him is like doing charity work. –Christopher & Bleecker Overheard by: J. Ann Ghetto girl to thug: You can’t touch this. Keep reminiscin’, mothafucka. –106th & Columbus Overheard by: Shmoop Guy on cell: I’ll be real with you, man. I know more than you. I know a lot more than you. –17th & 5th Altruist: He’s really nice so I just fake it sometimes. –Elevator, 120 Wall St Overheard by: Aubrie Teen girl: She did what? Oh my God, she is, like, so off my top 8. –1 train Queer: Well, I do like the person you want to be. –Washington & Charles Loud chick: Who knows how he lucked out into marrying her? I’m just always thinking, lady, you are hot, and yet you married an Ewok. –Starbucks, 71st & Amsterdam Overheard by: Susan Volchok