Woman: He’s so horny he’d fuck a venetian blind. –Starbucks, UES
Guy: So let me get this straight. First, you sleep with my brother, then you get pregnant, then– –LES Partially Overheard by: Matty Sallin
Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there. –Grand Central Overheard by: Rehey
Pragmatist: I figure if I don’t get a job in publishing, I’ll become a video vixen.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Ditmars Blvd, Astoria
Overheard by: Christine
Skank: No way! I am not one of those girls. I am not a video girl…I am a dancer!
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Skye
Ditz: Supposably [sic], she’s going to be dancing in some Beyonce video. She’s so stupid.
–54th St between 9th & 10th
Media scholar: Well it’s different when the girl getting fucked in the video is the same age as you. I mean, that’s great when you’re 15.
–20th & 8th
Cute, slightly obnoxious girl: I didn't get sexually harassed today!
Huge Latino male friend: High five!
(five or six people from surrounding tables walk over to get in on the high fives)
–Esperanto Cafe, 3rd & MacDougal
Cute girl #1: So you know how my New Year's resolution was to… keep my legs closed a little better?
Cute girl #2: Yes. I did know that. Good one.
Cute girl #1: Well, I had my first slip-up in upholding it.
Cute girl #2: But it's January 2!
–Bleecker & Bowery
Overheard by: Unimpressed, but amused
NYU student to another: I haven't been drinking as much since I turned 21.
Overheard by: Rogelio
College girl to friend: I wasn't drunk, I was just cheerful.
–Canal St & Mott St
20-something girl on cell: He was drunk and fucking his demon ex-girlfriend.
–181 & Ft. Washington
Guy in dirty army clothes to another: I was still drunk, thank god Dunkin' Donuts was open.
Middle aged guy on cell: That's what happens when you drink, motherfucker! You can't remember shit!
Overheard by: Aron
Guy with squash equipment #1: Let's squash.
Guy with squash equipment #2: We squashed her all night and we squished her all day.
Guy with squash equipment #1: That's disgusting.
–Gym, Columbia University
Overheard by: Nava
Boyfriend: Don't do that. Hey, you just sexually abused me!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but you liked it.
Overheard by: Kait
Guy #1: Oh is that the girl you fucking?
Guy #2: No, that's my niece.
Guy #1: Oh, too bad.
Overheard by: MJ