Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

Wednesday’s Gonna Have a Little One-Liner

Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy! –Grand Central Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant! –TGI Fridays Overheard by: Sara Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts! –8th & Broadway Overheard by: Hannah Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex. –Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th Overheard by: jmike Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time! –96th St station Overheard by: Kind of Confused 20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct. –Columbia University Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Wednesday One-Liners Suit Up

Suit on cell: I expected pus, but it’s got little black specks in it. –Pelham Bay Park, the Bronx Overheard by: HelenA.Handbasket Suit: When I said “fairy tale” I meant like Mother Goose–not Miss Dirty Martini! –F train Overheard by: braincurve Suit #1 to suit #2: Oh sure, I’ve got a source. I can get you a kidney, no problem. –Madison Square Park Female suit on cell: I don’t think you’re hearing what I’m saying. I think you’re in a very nagging place right now. –Duane & Broadway Overheard by: Rich Mintz Middle-Aged suit: Boobies boobies boobies. Boobies boobies boobies… –41st & 8th Suit on cell: So there’s gonna be total chaos on September 14th, but that’s all we have planned so far. –Church St Overheard by: Dara Suit: My goal in life is to one day sue someone. –A train Overheard by: LSB

This Time We’ll Watch Softball and Drink Beer

Girl #1: Oh my gosh, this is so cool.
Girl #2: I know. [Smiles.]
Girl #1: Thanks for bringing me here, I love you. I am so glad I became a lesbian, if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have met you!
Girl #2: Aww, thanks. Do you want to go to my apartment now?
Girl #1: Yes! Let’s go. Are we going to have fun like we did last night?
Girl #2: Even more, baby. –M&M Store, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Fail the Purity Test

Girl: I’m done with threesomes. Someone always gets hurt. It’s four-gies only from now on. –Duane Reade, 32nd & Broadway Overheard by: Jaina Wald Man on cell: You got the what? The what? So you got the queen-sized bed!! You whore! You whore! –Wall & Water Overheard by: Aubrie Man: Hey, anyone want to go to an orgy? –Central Park Loud teen boy: Dad, do we need condoms? –Pharmacy, 82nd & Columbus Girl on cell: Well it’s not even like anyone there had any real porn background! –Union Square Overheard by: Natalie Guy on stoop: Dude! I did not give that girl VD. –22nd & Broadway Loud female suit: Well, at least he wasn’t sleeping with an intern! –45th & Lex Preppy girl on cell: Hey, girly, I got myself two tickets for us to go to the Dominican Republic for next week, and you know what that means: 7 days of Dominican cock. Yum! –34th St Overheard by: naidababy

Wednesday One-Liners Use the Socratic Method

Columbia grad student: …developing a really spectacular
sense of intellectual arrogance. –Columbia University Professor, receiving text message in class: Ooh. That’s interesting. Invitation to go dancing, not from my girlfriend. Thank God I’ve got permission… We’re never going to get to anything today, are we? I’m so bad at this… –Tisch School of the Arts, NYU Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson Chinese professor: You see Chinese like tofu, you never use it. –John Jay College Overheard by: soccerking3t Teen guy: So I ended up in a dress. I don’t think English class will ever be the same. –Stuyvesant High School Overheard by: Natasha Sadistic professor: Unfortunately we don’t flog people anymore. You usually pass out after you finish screaming. –Fordham, the Bronx Overheard by: Jess McGins Drunken pre-med to drunken boy teetering on a concrete railing: Reed, if you fall, I’m not a doctor yet! –West Village, 8th & 14th Overheard by: annie NYU girl to professor: So, if you’re sleeping with Nietzsche, you shouldn’t ask the question, "What are you thinking?" –NYU classroom, Mercer & Houston

Drunk, Or Still Emerging from the Anesthesia?

Conductor: May I see your ticket, please?
Drunk tranny: I already showed my ticket.
Conductor: Yes, but you haven’t showed it to me.
Drunk tranny: What the fuck? I already showed my damn ticket.
Conductor: OK, calm down. Just show me your ticket, please… I’ll come back for it to give you a minute to find it.
Drunk tranny: You are probably a leather queen. I pay $16,000 for a cunt and this is the disrespect I get. I am fucking changing cars. –Long Beach bound LIRR

Wednesday Undie-Liners

College girl on cell: So as of last weekend I've pledged to be celibate for a year…although on second thought, it should really start today. I got pretty trashed last night and this morning I couldn't find the underwear I was wearing yesterday. –Church St Overheard by: Emma 20-something woman: Did you enjoy the bra fitting? Old lady grab your bits? –Outside Town Shop Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy Elderly woman examining bras: What's with all this padding? I got my own damn titties! –H&M, 5th Ave Overheard by: titti-less Eight-year-old in a suit jacket on cell, strutting around the store: Did you see any hot, sexy girls? Yeah, but were they hot and sexy? Where are you, man? Are you still in the underwear aisle? Yeah, but are you still by the panties? (louder) The panties! –Barnes & Noble, Tribeca Overheard by: emdeebee Trashy girl walking funny: Well, I guess I should have worn underwear. –Arthur Ave