Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus! –Broadway & Prince Street evangelist on microphone: Y'all ever see two female pigeons in bed together? –Fordham Plaza Very agitated priest: Jesus was a zygote once–what if Mary aborted him? –St. Luke's Church, Whitestone Crazy subway evangelist: If god could make me a good crackhead, you best believe he could make me a good preacher. –E Train Overheard by: Giggling at crack Preacher: And that's why your religion is null and void. –Union Square Overheard by: Alfie
Fat hipster: Yeah, then I would get fat and evil.
Skinny punkster: True, but that’s how you get laid. –Bryant Park
Construction worker #1: Yeah, she brought out the body oil and was rubbing it every! I was like “I don't think I'm going to last too long now!”
Construction worker #2: That's one of those dates where you really need to beat off before you go! You really gotta hit the testicles! –42nd St & 8th Ave
Dude with chick to group of smokers outside bar: We are going to eat pork chops and fuck. –Bleecker and Crosby Gay male on cell: …Do you really think I would try his sausage balls? –53rd St & 8th Ave Budget Vin Diesel: I love bacon. If I could, I would put bacon in my cereal. –Sunburnt Cow, Avenue C Overheard by: LeahPia77 Hispanic deli worker: Es muy barato, como la carne de gato. –10th & Broadway Overheard by: Anna Pilar Black man, to Jewish friend: You’re not Jewish. You had bacon at your baby’s naming ceremony. Thickest, juiciest most delicious bacon I ever ate in my life. You named your kid Samuel and you had bacon. Delicious, delicious bacon. –A Train Man on cell phone: The sausages! I mean, I don’t feel bad for the hot dogs. But, the sausages?! –41st and 7th Overheard by: Justin
Dude: Well, the other day she said, “I want you to fuck me in the park.” So we went to the park, went behind some bushes where there was a clearing and bam, bam, bam. Then I came on her face. –116th & Amsterdam Overheard by: fannybaum
Preppy guy #1: I hate geese shit on fields.
Preppy guy #2: It’s not so bad. It’s a good lubricant for when you slide-tackle people. You know, you just keep sliding…
Preppy guy #3: Dude, I can’t remember the last time I jerked off using geese shit. It can’t be that good a lubricant! –Central Park
Teen boy: Dude, if Chelsea ever spread her legs, bats would fly out. –1 train Guy: Getting a blow job from her was like fucking a blow up doll. –4th & A Overheard by: cio Guy: 50,000 people?! By the law of averages, I should get some! –81st & Broadway Guy on cell : Listen, the manager said he wants to see anal and he wants to see swallow… –55th & Broadway Overheard by: Marko Guy: For all the years I’ve lived in New York, most of the girls I’ve taken home have been from the subway. –Washington Heights FedEx guy: It felt like 100 miles between kissing her and fucking her. –48th between 5th & 6th Overheard by: John Gullotta
Teen girl #1: Ew, foreskin, like why? Get circumcised. Clean it up.
Teen girl #2: Seriously. Right. Oh god I’d never go down on a guy with foreskin, not even the guy I’m marrying.
Teen girl #1: I’d be like, take care of it and then talk to me.
Teen girl #2: Seriously. –47th St & 21st Ave, Astoria Overheard by: Thankfully Circumcised
Tech director: I don’t need dirty, rusty, random screws. –Lincoln Center Institute Overheard by: Brina Excitable Islamic Studies professor: … And what happened when the woodcutter spoke to Mohammed? Yes! He gave him wood! This man, he gave Mohammed wood! And why could only this man give Mohammed wood? Just because he was a woodcutter? No! And do you know what happened when this man gave Mohammed wood? Mohammed’s wood exploded into flowers! Yes! –Eugene Lang College Overheard by: amelia Man on conference call speakerphone: Our card penetration was not what we expected from the district. Lucy*, can you tell everyone how you got such good penetration at your store this month? –The Gap, Queens Conductor: No! No doors in my rear! Not in my rear! –A train, Broadway Junction Overheard by: amused Grandmother tourist to granddaughter: Wanna grab a pole, Lacey? –6 train, 51st St Overheard by: With a name like that…… Chick on cell: I sat on a Camelback’s nipple, and now my ass is wet. –Harlem Overheard by: Ladle Woman with big bag squeezing past for a seat: Sorry — once I’m in, you won’t even feel me. –LIRR Overheard by: Rebecca
Student #1: I don't know why that bitch has such a big ego, she's fucking ugly.
Student #2: Yeah, I know, but she thinks she's Paris Hilton or some shit.
Student #1: She's probably getting fucked by some loser. –St. John's University Overheard by: kapnasty Headline by: Leema Runners-Up:
· “…And Taping It to Launch Her “Career”” – LOLa
· “And I’m Taping It” – Victor
· “Hey, Don’t Call My Dad a Loser!” – PeterG
· “How Guys Interpret the Twilight Books” – john
· “Just Another Day Behind the Scenes Of “The View”” – Yobojo
· “Throw in a Chihuahua and a Coke Habit…” – someday, I could be that loser
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