Archive for the ‘Sexuality’ Category

Threeway One-Liners

Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won't let me leave.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Inkling

35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.

–R Train

Overheard by: Abby and Holly

20-something college boy: I mean, there's no "I" in "threesome."

–Union Square

Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven't decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.

–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd

African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I've ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.

–48th St & Broadway

Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl

Wednesday One-Litters

Little girl to mother: I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore, when I grow up I wanna be a cat!

–Chelsea

Woman to friend: I mean, he's just so anti-social! He has like 19 cats!

–Lafayette & Prince

Girl to friend: My cat is a flaming homosexual.

–34th & 5th

Girl: And so she says, "let's follow the cat!" So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of heroin!

–Cafeteria, Barnard College

Can You Meet Me Wednesday, Next to the One-Liners?

Collegiate boy to group of friends: Well, if you think about it, if you've met one person you've basically met everyone.

–6th Ave & West 4th St

Overheard by: Lucas

Guy to friend: I went to the anarchists' meeting, but they turned out to just be a group of spoiled, white, middle-class kids.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kate Deshmukh

Loud lady on cell: Yeah, just meet me here. I'll be in the basement in the sexuality section.
(pause, then even more loudly) Basement! Sex!

–The Strand

Overheard by: April

Redhead girl: No, I totally want you to meet him–I just don't want him to meet you.

–47th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Rick

The Non-Standard Usage Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: There's a lot bruacracy in public social work…

–Eastern Parkway & New York Ave

Overheard by: jeff

Woman on phone: Her mother is a bird. Her whole family is a flock of birds. I cannot even say how ghetto she is. She said, "columinate." I said, what? You mean "a-coom-a-late?

–1 Train

Preppy on cell: What's your next class? Professional rioting?

–Fordham

Girl: This class is skewered. There are only three guys and like twenty girls. Damn!

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Phil

Guy to girl on train: She's just like "huh, brutha." It's like, embedded in them. They were breaded that way.

–7 Train

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct

Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jumana

Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Rich R.

Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)

–Waverly Place & 5th Ave

Overheard by: steph

Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!

–Humboldt & Withers

Overheard by: francesca

Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.

–Williams St

Overheard by: Sonya

One Liners from the Legitimate Wednesday

Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down.

–NYU

Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn't have gone to see The Little Mermaid?

–Eugene O'Neill Theatre

College student: …exactly how you'd expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go.

–NYU

Black guy on cell: It doesn't mean I'm gay because I'm going to see a play. (pause) It's for a class… There's nothing wrong with wanting to see a play.

–Union Square

Overheard by: erkala

20-something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical!

–63rd St & Broadway

Should You Shave Your Wednesday One-Liners? Discuss.

Guy on cell, to girlfriend: I have such a headache in my balls right now.

–49th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Michael

Very drunk boyfriend to drunk girlfriend: If you can't stay here, talk to me and make this right! I'm gonna have to be a man, grow some balls and leave you!

–140th St & Broadway

Man on crowded sidewalk: Balls to butts, people. Balls to butts.

–Times Square

Girl to friends: I'd totally teabag him, but I don't got no balls.

–Brooklyn Heights