Archive for the ‘Sexuality’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Have Seen That Seinfeld Episode Too Many Times

Tourist chick: He’s not gay, he’s just neurotic!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Scott

Girl: He’s not gay, he just has a lot of feelings!

–Grand Central

Hipster on cell: Yo, I want to tell you something. I do not want to go down on everyone… Well, I’m not gay, so that cuts it in half right there.

–17th & 8th

Suit to himself: Thanks, but I’m not gay!

–45th & 6th

Overheard by: Alisa

Little boy sitting with haggard-looking mom singing to the tune of Pinky and the Brain song: My penis, my penis is not gay, gay, gay, gay, gay!

–1 train

Overheard by: wondering what network plays reruns of Pinky and the Brain

Are You Afraid of Wednesday One-Liners?

FDNY lieutenant to EMTs: Hey, get this! Some guy just called 911 because some guy looked scary!

–34th & 10th

Overheard by: guy in back of ambulance

Gay guy to another: I'm terrified of successful women!

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Moy

(guy with drums finishes a performance in the train)
Guy with drums
: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. Help a brother out and donate some money if you enjoyed this performance. (lady in front of him looks scared)

Please donate and if you don't know what to do or are scared, smile and nod. Everything will be okay.

–E Train

Overheard by: Sleepy

Crazy bag lady to high school boy: I ain't scared of you. I'll beat you with a crowbar. Cuz I gotta crowbar in my pussy and it's way up there!

–B54 Bus

Suit on cell: And I was scared, right? Because her legs were open in the cemetery.

–Gramercy Park

Wednesday One-Liners Can't Do Much About the Adam's Apple

Brooklyn grandmother to another: My grandson is so different now that he's become a woman.

–4 Train

Middle aged man in binoculars on cell: Yeah! And just like that she threw me out! She kicked me out on my ass! She walked in and I was in her bra… and that was it!

–87th & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: GoneWithThe

Small black guy: Of course I'm a transvestite! Why else do you think it took you three guys to beat me up?

–W 36th St

Overheard by: Ellen

Twink to others: Sometimes you think a little boy is a child and then he turns out to be a much older woman.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Urch

Attractive blonde: And then the… transvestite beauty queen thing happened. You know?

–Middagh & Henry

Overheard by: Matty

Is It Really an Accomplishment to Score Pussy If You’re Gay?

Hipster: I’ve been meaning to talk to you about your new look. It’s rather… um… guido.
Guido: Yeah, I know. But the pussy, dude — the pussy, you wouldn’t believe.
Hipster: It better be good, because your eyebrows are waxed. And you’re a man.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: guido hater