Archive for the ‘Shea Stadium’ Category

Don't Hate the Wednesday One-Liner, Hate the Game

(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher? –47th & Madison Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score? –Doctor's Office, Brooklyn Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling? –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Didn't want the details Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick! –Columbia University Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team. –Willets Point, Queens Overheard by: Random Asian Chick

Well Met on Opening Day

Guy on cell: Hey, what’s up?…I’m at the Met game…The Mets are up 2 to 1, but Washington has 2 men on and nobody out…Two-one. No outs.
Guy #2: There’s one out.
Guy on cell: Oh, sorry. One out. We’ve been here since 8 and I’ve been drinking since 8:30. I’m wasted…Listen, Ma, I gotta go, I’m missing the game. He hangs up. Guy #1: My mother calls to get the score. Turn on the radio! –Shea Stadium Dude: Hey, Carlos! Steal second, I won’t tell anybody! –Shea Stadium Dude: Get off your knees; you’re blowing the game! –Shea Stadium

Wednesday One-Liners Add a Little Something Extra

Dad: Okay, girls! Now, we’re on a very tight budget — you can get ketchup, mustard, or barbecue sauce. –Shea Stadium Overheard by: bill R Girl: Apparently I ate an entire jar of mustard. –Bard High School Early College Overheard by: and didn’t notice? Hot guy on cell: That’s fine, but I just don’t want to find the television smeared with peanut butter this time… –96th & CPW White chick: La Choy is the white trash of soy sauce! –113th St Overheard by: Meister E. Man to hobo: If I had any more butter, I would give it to you, but I don’t because I used it already. –Howard St Overheard by: havarthe Foxy lady, to female dining companion: I could pour ketchup in your cleavage and dip a fry in it… Just dip it in! Why are people staring at us? –Relish, Williamsburg Overheard by: Justin Casement

Wednesday One-Liner: What Is It Good For?

Cleaner: What a pair of tits on that girl! That's why we go to war, that's why we're in Iraq! –Service Elevator, Lexington & 41st St Overheard by: Nicky Annoying chick, about John McCain: I mean, he was a POW because he fucked up! –Shea Stadium Overheard by: megan Security guard, breaking up fight during peace march: You can't fight at the peace march! You can't fight at the peace march! –143 & Malcolm X Woman to screaming three-year-old: And that's why you have to register to vote! Or else they'll draft you and you'll have to go to war! –33rd & 2nd Girl on phone: I can just get a pass from the Israeli army. Don't worry about it. They're easy. –NYU Palladium Dining Hall

For Some Reason, after That Game We Drifted Apart

Guy, as David Wright comes up to bat and stadium erupts with cheers: Oooh, all the girls want David Wright.
Girlfriend: He’s pretty good-looking… He’s a hottie.
Guy: I’d totally do him… Yep, I would fuck David Wright even if he wasn’t on the Mets. –Shea Stadium Overheard by: Moving a few rows back…

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Know What Makes the Law & Order Sound

Law professor: Sometimes you just want to tell your client, "Wake the fuck up!" –NYU Law School Law student on cell: Well, it's hard to locate them, since I don't know who they are. –Columbia Law School Overheard by: arctinus Older looking woman on cell: No, don't fight him, Henry. We're Jewish. God gave us lawyers for a reason. –42nd & Avenue of the Americas Overheard by: Elizabeth Awesome judge: If you do not have a basic understanding of the English language, you will not be able to serve. If you cannot understand what I'm saying, please come up now. Now, two translators will translate what I just said. If you understood what I said, obviously don't come up here. –Supreme Court Building Suit to girl: You must be a lawyer. (pause) Or a cunt. –Bryant Park Overheard by: How did he know? Thug: Don't say anything to her! Don't you know anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law? –132nd & St. Nicholas Drunk lawyer on phone: Yeah! I convict rape victims. –Outside Shea Stadium