Archive for the ‘Shoes’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Masters of Their Own Verbal Domain

Guy: They’re squatters and ravers. They squat and rave…They squave.

–Belle and Sebastian show, Battery Park

Overheard by: Lacey Suit: You know how some people wing it? Well I wanged it. I totally wanged it. –52nd & 7th Overheard by: Jatmos Asian guy: It seems like everyone is giving headjobs these days. –Flinders St Overheard by: duygu Female nurse: I’m telling you, he is totally intercontinental. I have to change him 4 times a day. –Hudson & Spring Overheard by: AJ Stone Wordsmith, on the phone: Ma’am, her train is being delayed because of constipation. –Office, 1250 Broadway Teen on cell: He’s not very smart…Yeah, I just need someone to conversate with. –Macy’s Overheard by: Chelsea College guy: The word “secretion” just fucks me up. –NYU 10-Year-Old boy: I ain’t speakin’ no language. –B48 bus, Franklin & DeKalb Overheard by: Kyri Tourist: Sexual attention is the only language I really understand. –Around the Clock Diner, Stuyvesant & 3rd Ave Overheard by: gweny Woman: The lesbians don’t like the Jews…I mean the Lebanese. –Party, 16th & 1st Girl: Stop staring at all the buildings, you look like a terrorist!…I mean tourist. Same thing. –8th & Broadway Overheard by: ceci Girl: Oh, my shoes totally fell asleep…Fell asleep? Fell apart! –Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn

Country Mouse, Wednesday One-Liner Mouse

Very happy male suit wearing slippers, shuffling down to the subway: If you can wear slippers in New York, you can wear slippers anywhere.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Lara

Suit on cell: I'm so glad to be in New York, where everyone is so mellow and everyone talks American.

–DiFara Pizzeria

Guy to date: That's what I love about New York–people wear different outfits.

–Outside Deluxe, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Dad to preteen daughter: See, I really don't have issues with citizens not from New York city.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: depends on citizens

Woman on cell: I'm in New York, where Sesame Street lives.

–52nd & 7th

Overheard by: AEVRed

Southern lady on cell: I have to say I'm disappointed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amazing. Ya'll don't even have a Wal-Mart.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Other Girls: Die, Tiny Skanks, Die!

Student #1: Oh, all the t-shirts are mediums.
Student #2: Well, that's okay, that just means they'll be really long. Like a dress!
Student #1: Oh my god, we could totally wear them as dresses, with like, tights and cowboy boots.
Student #2: We would.
Student #1: We so would.

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: right behind them in line…

My Sister's Roommate's Cousin Knows Wednesday One-Liner's Agent

Young thug in crooked baseball hat to female friend: No, everyone should have the right to love Tom Cruise.

–41st & Lexington

40-something Midwest tourist to 40-something friends: Yeah, this is where Miley Cyrus was staying. (points to Sheraton hotel, friends gasp in excitement)

–53rd & 7th

Tourist son to mom: Let's go to the park and watch Jerry Seinfeld play softball.

–67th & Central Park West

Overheard by: Q

Random guy outside on corner: Yo, I just saw Phil Donahue. I just saw him walking down the street… (starts to sing in Cops theme song style) Whatchu gonna do when Phil Donahue comes for you? (pause) Yo, Phil Donahue is a crazy motherfucker!

–Astoria Boulevard, Queens

Girl on cell: Yeah, but I tower over him when I wear heels…and I'm not exactly sure if I'm ready to be Katie Holmes to his Tom Cruise.

–33rd & Broadway

Woman: Everywhere I go, I see either someone I know or a celebrity!

–69th & Columbus

Little boy to mother: Oooh…I thought Malcolm X was a singer.

–Flatbush & Beekman

Overheard by: Chelsea