Tiny elderly woman, angrily: I want some comfortable shoes that I can walk in!
Salesman: Oh, but we have so many…
Tiny elderly woman: I can't decide like that! Brands! Give me one brand!
Salesman: Mephisto.
Tiny elderly woman: No! Not Mephisto!
–Shoestore, W 72nd St
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Archive for the ‘Shoes’ Category
Leave the Retro Whores Alone
Seven-year-old boy, turning to gaze at young woman's two-tone pumps: I want them shoes, man!
Mother, pulling him by the hand: Come along, Jake.
–Crotona Ave & Fordham Rd
Overheard by: Eternal Student
Wednesday One-Liners' Meters Are Running
Girl to boy: You're just upset that I kicked you out without shoes, and I didn't give you cab fare.
–Black Bear Lodge, 3rd Ave
Guy, after cab splashed water on him: That cab just jizzed on me!
–Broadway & Eagerly
Waspy queer on cell: No, no, take the subway. Just for the experience. Don't take a cab. Cabs are for spoiled people.
–M23 bus
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl, yelling into window of off-duty taxi: Fine! We're waiting for the cash cab anyway!
–3rd & Sullivan
Overheard by: Heather
If the Wednesday Fits, One-Liner It
Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, seriously, stop. C'mon, I'm not kidding! Seriously. I have shoe phobia!
–Metro-North Rail
Guy with shoe in hand, catching up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cinderella!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: thorn
Manager of ladies' shoe store: It's easy to close. You put the hooker boots–all this hoochie stuff, with the hooker boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Narnia over there is another story…
–Macy's
Overheard by: Sarah R
Chick to guy: If you buy me Jimmy Choos, I'll have your baby.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Lets hope she'll have the baby anyway…
Four-year-old girl stepping out of taxi: Mommy, can we go online to buy shoes today?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: …wow.
The Original Cheetah Girl
Colleague #1: There is a girl in India with four legs.
Colleague #2: She'll be happy. She'll be able to wear more shoes.
Colleague #1: She can run fast.
–Office, Manhattan
And I Thought You Supported a Woman's Right to Shoes?
Tourist girl: We still have to make it to Williamsburg! When are we gonna do that?
Tourist guy: Why? What's in Williamsburg?
Tourist girl: Shoes… For one.
–2nd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: Rubie
Anxiety I Like to Relieve by Peeing in Coffee Cups
Barista girl: Ohmigod, I love your shoes! I want them.
Register girl: Thanks.
Barista girl: I love them! Awww.
Register girl, embarrassed: Thanks, haha.
Barista girl: I love them, but I can never get them… Because I can't wear black with brown.
Register girl, borderline offended: Why not?
Barista girl: It gives me anxiety, that's why.
–Starbucks
That's the Nicest Thing Anyone's Ever Said to Me!
Thin preppy girl to heavier stranger: Oh my god! I love your shoes.
Heavier stranger, looking her over: Girl, I wish I could give you a compliment, but you just look hungry.
–95th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Adriana
This Baby, for Instance.
Gay guy #1: Nice shoes!
Gay guy #2: Thanks. I got them by doing sexual favors… just like everything else I own.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Julia
Wednesday One-Liners Will Totally Steal Your Picnic Basket
20-something girl in chucks to another: No, I will not get rubber boots. What do I look like, fucking Paddington Bear?
–CVS
Boy: I bet if I had three of me I could take on a grizzly bear.
–Columbia
Overheard by: Megan
Small, well-dressed girl: I want to eat the heart of a bear!
–Bohemian Hall, Astoria
Overheard by: Joseph
Guy on cell: You don't even know what the Care Bears are about!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Fresca P.