Archive for the ‘Shoot’ Category

Wednesday One-liners Are Dead

Guy: Yeah, well, he’s a big fan of the cadaver tissue. –Washington Heights Lady on cell: My god he killed everyone last night. He first sat on her then started to beat on her. Then she got up and started beating on him. –West Broadway & Chambers Fat Hispanic woman: I don’t know, I just haven’t been using my gun lately. –Fort Greene

Show Me the Wednesday One-Liners!

Angry teen on cell: I'm not gonna pay 18 dollars for a wedgie! –Lingerie Department, Macy's Overheard by: me neither Girl on cell: I don't have a problem with camping, but why do they have to give me a sleeping bag? Can't they give me linens? It's not like I'm not giving them an insignificant amount of money. –W Broadway & Grand Suit on cell: At first I was only making $30,000 a year, but last year I got shot in the foot, and then I got a $1,000 bonus, so now I'm making $32,000 a year. Shit! –F Train Overheard by: Brittany Smith Loud woman on cell: I like and don't mind fucking you, but I need to get paid. I'm unemployed right now. –108th & Broadway Elevator operator for observatory, upon leaving: Please come again! We want your money. –Empire State Building Old guy in dark suit to young guy in dark suit: You're not embezzling money! –48th & 8th

It’s All Greek to Me

Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee. –Midtown office

Wednesday One-Liners Forgot Their Coffee This Morning

Train conductor: This is New York Penn Station. New York Penn. For those of you who are just waking up, this is Penn Station. If you are supposed to get off at New York Penn, wake up and get off now! (train leaves) Those of you who are just waking up: if you were supposed to get off at New York Penn Station, you just missed it! I told you to get up! –Amtrak Train College guy: Last night I woke up on an oriental rug and I had no idea where I was. –Sheep Meadow, Central Park Hispanic lady: Quiet down, some people are trying to sleep! –6 Train Man to friend: She can sleep in the closet. –Brooklyn Overheard by: Wait what? Loud pharmaceutical salesman to doctor: They say that New York is the city that never sleeps, right? You know why? You know why? Herpes! –Doctor's Office, Astoria Woman on cell: So I walked into a room and she's there, chained to a chair. And he had a gun, pointing it at me, saying he was gonna shoot me. Then I started crying. And he fucking shot her. (people on bus look worried) And then I woke up. –M4 Bus Overheard by: trev

Bowling for Wednesday One-Liner

Drunk thug, reflecting on his baby-mama's new man: I love motherfuckin' guns, and that's the bottom line, but I don't wanna go to jail. –Bar, Cortelyou Road Boy to limping blonde struggling to keep up: Oh my god, if you were a horse I would shoot you. –NJ Transit Overheard by: The Game Father to two small children, pulling them away from the register: C'mon, guys. Let's go before mommy shoots herself. –Forbidden Planet, 13th & Broadway Loud black girl: It's Manhattan, I don't have to worry about getting shot. –NYU Guy on cell: Hey man, aren't you tired of being shot? –Queens Center Mall

Wednesday One-Liners Are Older, but No Wiser

Crotchety old Jewish lady, passing Palm Sunday parade: Easter is for amateurs. –W 72nd St & Broadway Overheard by: Naomi Choy Smith Little old lady looking down steep basement stairway: Wow…I wouldn't want to be drunk going down those stairs! –Broome & Essex Old guy: I'm going out for a smoke. If you see someone take this jacket, shoot to kill. –Starbucks Old man with beard, hunched over walker, watching couple holding hands: You two been doin' the nasty, ain't ya? –27th & Broadway Old black lady in wheelchair: I mean, what was he gonna do with a dead body? –Bowery Overheard by: Lauren Very old man to another, in thick New York accent: Ya gotta take it…and put it on ya rectum like this. (demonstrates with hand gesture) –53rd St & 10th Ave Elderly gentleman to another: From now on, you will obey me! –Carnegie Hall