Teenage girl #1: Did you know… If I shot you in the head right now, you wouldn't even know you were dead!
Teenage girl #2: Whoa!
–Coney Island, in Line for Wonder Wheel
Archive for the ‘Shoot’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Will Bust a Cap in Your Ass
Shy sounding suit: You know how you get your fingerprints off the gun? You pee on it, the prints wipe right off. Most people don’t know that.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Two Fingaz
Dude: You’re starting to sound like that guy with the gun on your dad’s video.
–Inwood
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Latina teenager to friend: I don’t know why we can’t be having duels anymore. Enough fighting! Just be, like: "Let’s have a duel!" and then go out and shoot each other!
–Rush Hour, L Train
Man on cell (waving his hand around in the shape of a gun): I’ve got a gun in my hand! Oh crap, I mean not a real one. I shouldn’t have said that out loud.
–32nd & 6th
Overheard by: sromeo
Self-important white girl: So then my friends started talking about the shooting up here, and I was like: "Screw you all, you didn’t even call up to find out if I was dead."
–126th & Lenox
Preaching hobo: This year they raise your rent. And the year after. Soon you have to shoot them. You know this.
–34th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Rent Controlled
Man: I understand remembering things differently. I just don’t understand how one could confuse being shot at with not being shot at.
–6th Ave & 3rd St, Park Slope
Not the Moment M.L. and Rodney King Dreamed About
White girl: I feel like saying: “Nigga, I don’t want your purses. You don’t know Louis Vuitton like I do. I fucked his ass last night.” Finna hit ‘em with my nine inch.
Friend: Or you could just get shot…
White girl: Shit nigga, look at my ass with my North Face and pearls talkin nigga-trash…I’m bouta get shot nine times.
Friend: 50 style nigga.
–Canal St
Overheard by: oh white girls
I Thought Your Pump-up Jam Was “If I Could Turn Back Time”?
["Umbrella" by rihanna is being loudly played.]
Stoned gay guy: Oh my god, I love this song. This is totally what you hear before you start shooting kids in the projects.
Gay guy: Uh, excuse me?
Stoned gay guy: Yeah. You know, it’s like your pump-up jam.
–E 10th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Dying of laughter
George Washington Said Something about My Momma
Cashier: That comes out to $5.50.
[Man hands cashier a $5 with a hole in it.]
Cashier: Uh, do you have anything better? You know without a hole in it?
Man: Naw, I got mad at it so I shot it.
Cashier: Ah, totally understandable.
–McDonald’s, Bronx
Strongly Doubt Walt Would Have Given a Starring Role to a Black Person, Even a Deer
Teen thug #1: This weekend, I’m goin’ huntin’.
Teen thug #2: You goin’ kill Bambi?
Teen thug #1: Yeahhh, I’ll shoot that nigga!
–Staten Island Projects
Wednesday One-Liners You Just Wanna Pat on the Head
Drunk girl: I think he uses his cancer to be cute.
–Bourgeois Pig, MacDougal St
Freak show barker: I hate cute ventriloquism.
–Outside Coney Island Freak Show
Overheard by: Miss Carrie
Girl, about three-year-old nearby: He’s so cute, I want to kidnap him!
–PATH train
Woman: … And then he pulled out a gun and threatened to kill me. It was so cute.
–Ruby Foo’s, 49th & 8th
Overheard by: Heather
Man to toddler girl: That’s what politicians do. They try to look cute.
–Smith & Union, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Straight Outta Disney, Y’all
Little boy: I saw Bambi at Adam’s house, and did you know that Bambi’s mother died?
Black nanny: I didn’t know that. How did she die?
Little boy: She was shot.
Black nanny: Damn. That’s some Compton shit right there.
–83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: flower and thumper were strapped
Annie Oakley’s Wednesday One-Liners
Young mom to daughter: Rock, paper, scissors means rock, paper, scissors — no guns!
–R train, City Hall
Guy on cell: Where are you? It sounds noisy… Where? Oh, Magnolia… Well, just shoot them all before they breed more little cupcake-eating fuckers.
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Barker for "Shoot the Freak" carnival game, to biking couple: Hey! You with the bikes! You support alternative modes of transportation, but do you support shooting people in the freakin’ head?! Step right up!
–Coney Island
Hipster on cell: You just hate me… No, ‘Get shotgun for raccoon’ was first on your errands list, and you ignored it!
–N train
Crazy substitute calculus professor: You cannot square infinity. Anyone who tries to square infinity will be shot. That’s a promise.
–NYU Silver Center
Still Think Video Games Are to Blame?
Little boy: Daddy, Daddy! Look at the cars! Shoot the cars!
Dad, making finger-gun: Bang, bang, bang, bang!
–12th & 4th
Overheard by: NYU girl