Archive for the ‘Shoot’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Will Bust a Cap in Your Ass

Shy sounding suit: You know how you get your fingerprints off the gun? You pee on it, the prints wipe right off. Most people don’t know that. –3 Train Overheard by: Two Fingaz Dude: You’re starting to sound like that guy with the gun on your dad’s video. –Inwood Overheard by: Rose Fox Latina teenager to friend: I don’t know why we can’t be having duels anymore. Enough fighting! Just be, like: "Let’s have a duel!" and then go out and shoot each other! –Rush Hour, L Train Man on cell (waving his hand around in the shape of a gun): I’ve got a gun in my hand! Oh crap, I mean not a real one. I shouldn’t have said that out loud. –32nd & 6th Overheard by: sromeo Self-important white girl: So then my friends started talking about the shooting up here, and I was like: "Screw you all, you didn’t even call up to find out if I was dead." –126th & Lenox Preaching hobo: This year they raise your rent. And the year after. Soon you have to shoot them. You know this. –34th St & 8th Ave Overheard by: Rent Controlled Man: I understand remembering things differently. I just don’t understand how one could confuse being shot at with not being shot at. –6th Ave & 3rd St, Park Slope

Not the Moment M.L. and Rodney King Dreamed About

White girl: I feel like saying: “Nigga, I don’t want your purses. You don’t know Louis Vuitton like I do. I fucked his ass last night.” Finna hit ’em with my nine inch.
Friend: Or you could just get shot…
White girl: Shit nigga, look at my ass with my North Face and pearls talkin nigga-trash…I’m bouta get shot nine times.
Friend: 50 style nigga. –Canal St Overheard by: oh white girls

Wednesday One-Liners You Just Wanna Pat on the Head

Drunk girl: I think he uses his cancer to be cute. –Bourgeois Pig, MacDougal St Freak show barker: I hate cute ventriloquism. –Outside Coney Island Freak Show Overheard by: Miss Carrie Girl, about three-year-old nearby: He’s so cute, I want to kidnap him! –PATH train Woman: … And then he pulled out a gun and threatened to kill me. It was so cute. –Ruby Foo’s, 49th & 8th Overheard by: Heather Man to toddler girl: That’s what politicians do. They try to look cute. –Smith & Union, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Straight Outta Disney, Y’all

Little boy: I saw Bambi at Adam’s house, and did you know that Bambi’s mother died?
Black nanny: I didn’t know that. How did she die?
Little boy: She was shot.
Black nanny: Damn. That’s some Compton shit right there. –83rd & Broadway Overheard by: flower and thumper were strapped

Annie Oakley’s Wednesday One-Liners

Young mom to daughter: Rock, paper, scissors means rock, paper, scissors — no guns! –R train, City Hall Guy on cell: Where are you? It sounds noisy… Where? Oh, Magnolia… Well, just shoot them all before they breed more little cupcake-eating fuckers. –44th & 8th Overheard by: Rose Fox Barker for "Shoot the Freak" carnival game, to biking couple: Hey! You with the bikes! You support alternative modes of transportation, but do you support shooting people in the freakin’ head?! Step right up! –Coney Island Hipster on cell: You just hate me… No, ‘Get shotgun for raccoon’ was first on your errands list, and you ignored it! –N train Crazy substitute calculus professor: You cannot square infinity. Anyone who tries to square infinity will be shot. That’s a promise. –NYU Silver Center