Archive for the ‘Shopping’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners: “Is This Thing On?”

PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front.

–Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th

Overheard by: Rebecca

Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o'clock!

–Baggage Claim, JFK

Overheard by: Kimmie

Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully-cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They're hot! They're fresh! And they were alive this morning!

–Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Stacy

Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I'm sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they're about to tow your truck.

–Stuyvesant High School

Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean "flag football" will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory.

–East Side Community High School

Worst. Slave Girl. Ever.

Girl #1, applying for passport at window: Go get in line over there and get me some stamps.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: A book of stamps! Get me some stamps. And it had better not be over $20.
Girl #2: What if they have lotsa kinds of stamps? Like, which one should I get?
(girl #1 stares blank)
Girl #2
: I don't buy stamps.

Girl #1: This isn't a library! Get a freaking book of stamps!

–Post Office, 42nd St

She Never Made It

Ghetto chick holding up lipstick: Teesha, smell this! Do this smell right to you?
Teesha: I don’t know. What it s’posed to smell like?
Ghetto chick: It smell funny — like it been in the store too long. I’ma take this shit back to Rite Aid [she puts the lipstick on].

–PATH

Overheard by: Manhattman

The Ugly Business of Wednesday One-Liners

Agitated papi: I love him like a brother, but he a fuckin’ inconsiderate, ungrateful, selfish bastard! And he got a ugly baby!

–14th & University

Overheard by: Manhattman


Young Kid
: New York is ugly!


–JFK

Overheard by: Latoya Siratana


Wise teen girl
: That’s not giving up on him. That’s letting him fuck uglier girls.


–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: walking the bridge


Giggling little girl in stroller
: I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly…!


–Downtown R train


Older woman to complete stranger
: You should really stop eating that crap because it’s going to make you uglier than you already are!


–Fairway, W 73rd St

Overheard by: just trying to buy my groceries…


B&T guy
: As I was saying, just ’cause you’re ugly, don’t mean you’re smart.


–Lower East Side