Archive for the ‘Shopping’ Category

She Never Made It

Ghetto chick holding up lipstick: Teesha, smell this! Do this smell right to you?
Teesha: I don’t know. What it s’posed to smell like?
Ghetto chick: It smell funny — like it been in the store too long. I’ma take this shit back to Rite Aid [she puts the lipstick on].

–PATH

Overheard by: Manhattman

The Ugly Business of Wednesday One-Liners

Agitated papi: I love him like a brother, but he a fuckin’ inconsiderate, ungrateful, selfish bastard! And he got a ugly baby!

–14th & University

Overheard by: Manhattman


Young Kid
: New York is ugly!


–JFK

Overheard by: Latoya Siratana


Wise teen girl
: That’s not giving up on him. That’s letting him fuck uglier girls.


–Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: walking the bridge


Giggling little girl in stroller
: I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly…!


–Downtown R train


Older woman to complete stranger
: You should really stop eating that crap because it’s going to make you uglier than you already are!


–Fairway, W 73rd St

Overheard by: just trying to buy my groceries…


B&T guy
: As I was saying, just ’cause you’re ugly, don’t mean you’re smart.


–Lower East Side


Please Stand Behind the White Line While the Wednesday One-Liner Is in Motion

Bus driver, just before departing for Boston: Peace, love, and if no one's said it to you today, I love you.

–34th & 8th

Overheard by: Nina

Bus driver: Hello? Can you hear me? Can you hear me? If so, you're too close to the front. Move to the back of the bus, back of the bus…I'll be here til 2 in the morning, I have plenty of time.

–M86 Bus

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

MTA bus driver to woman with a kid: Excuse me, you have to pay for your kid to ride this train. See the line where your hand is? If he is shorter than that line, then he doesn't have to pay. But he is taller, and he has to pay. (woman and kid walk off bus, now he addresses passengers) But on a lighter note, happy New Year.

–M86 Train

Overheard by: Melissa

Bus driver of crowded bus: This is Madison avenue. Get off! I mean…watch your step.

–Bus, 86th St

Overheard by: Michael

Bus driver: This is the last stop, Queens Center. If you are going shopping today, I hope you find everything you are looking for. Also, please be nice to the salespeople. It's not easy dealing with people day after day. I should know, I'm a bus driver.

–Q88 Bus

Overheard by: Jenn

How Was Your First Day of School, New York?

Guy: What were you doing studying on the first fucking day of school? You didn’t even have your books yet. What the fuck were you studying? Studying nothing. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Ken Yapelli Dad: Two more pairs? What do you have now, like, 19 pairs?
Daughter: But these are different.
Dad: Fine, but this must be all you need then, right? We won’t have to do anymore shopping for the whole school year, right?
Daughter: Well, I’m not sure about that. I may need some later.
Dad: Why? You only have one butt! –Marshall’s, Atlantic Avenue Mall Overheard by: Jake Abraham

Slave Labor Doesn’t Hurt the Bottom Line, Either

Drunk black girl: I get mad cheap shit in Chinatown. You can get shit for like ten cents. China knows what’s up.
Drunk black guy: Shit. But they are communist and shit.
Drunk black girl: Yeah, but the U.S. is a bunch of idiots. They’re like, "We are gonna make shit fuckin’ expensive," and China is like, "FUUUCK YOUUU. We are gonna sell shit for like one dollar, and all you stupid white bitches gonna buy it up. Fuuuck youuu."

–N train, 28th St

Wednesday, Are You Fucking Kidding Me With These One-Liners?

Fat chick to cute friend's blind date: So, wait, is Jean Garafolo a man or a woman?

–Tribeca

Overheard by: Becka Dash

20-something blonde girl: Is there an English word for "quesadilla"?

–F Train

Checkout lady, pausing with a container of hummus after scanning it: Lots of people buy this stuff…what is it?

–Myrtle St

Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton

Woman entering RadioShack: Excuse me, do you have radios?

–RadioShack, 72nd & Broadway

B9 bus driver to passengers: Make a left here?

–B9 Bus

Overheard by: VeganBeauty