Woman to friend, in crowded line: I feel like I'm in a department store. I'm riddled with anxiety.
Friend: If you don't get good customer service, you walk the fuck outta there! I am anal about customer service in the gym.
(they reach the cashier)
Friend to cashier: Hey, lady, you actually know how to do your job. They should make you manager, so at least someone around here does what they're supposed to.
–Wholefoods, Chelsea
Overheard by: Katherine
Archive for the ‘Shopping’ Category
If You Build That, Men Will Come, Honey
30-something woman with shopping bags: I've decided the theme for my new apartment is “ah!” you know?
Legging-wearing friend: Yeah! How are you going to decorate?
30-something woman with shopping bags: I'm thinking very minimalist, you know, very simple. I'm getting two flat-screen TVs.
–Union Station
Overheard by: Aidan
Wednesdays Strap on Their One-Liners
Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs?
–Greenpoint Ave
Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink?
–Cook St & Bushwick Ave
Overheard by: cameo
Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious!
–Rockafeller Plaza
Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!
–Pillow Fight, Union Square
Overheard by: Anna P.
Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden!
–37th St & 8th Ave
20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys!
–Topshop
Are You Hitting on Me, Sir?
Guy: Do you have any Irish Spring soap?
Cashier: No, I don't know what that is.
Guy: Irish Spring soap! To wash your balls with! Don't you wash your balls?
–Grocery, Flatbush Ave
Overheard by: Diana
Wet Seal, Then?
Boy in car: Where are we going?
Mom: Shopping.
Boy, pointing at the first store he sees on the street: Let's go to Dress Barn!
Mom: No!
–Rego Park
Overheard by: Jasper
Wednesday Buy-One-Get-One-Freeliners
Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!
–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum
Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Emily Faxon
Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!
–Canal St
Overheard by: Canadian Girl
Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!
–Macy's, 7th Ave
Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.
–10th St & University
Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.
–62nd & 3rd
Wednesdays Have Defense Wounds on Their One-Liners
College girl on cell: He told me he got in a knife fight with his dad, and I was like (sarcastic) "Yeah, okay! You got in a knife fight with your dad." (pause) But he probably did get in a knife fight with his dad…
–Columbia University
Girl to friend: Trinity is the school for kids from Choate who stabbed their roommate.
–Clover Club
Overheard by: Emily
Girl to friend: I will cut you in your face with a knife before I put my hands on you. You feel me?
–E 161st St, The Bronx
Hamptons club girl: You mean I cut him with a razor blade and I don't even recognize him?
–Outside East Village Club
Overheard by: DJ
20-something girl, on cell: Oh my god! Who the hell gets stabbed in the back of the head at a flower shop?
–Starbucks
If Property Is Theft, Is Theft Property? Discuss.
Bargain basement shopper: It said “Dark Knight” on the cover.
Perplexed friend: So you bought it?
Bargain basement shopper: Hell yeah. You can't beat crackhead prices.
–F Train
Overheard by: KP Whitey
Wednesday One-Minors
Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls.
–Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: Tara
Small boy to teacher in increasingly panicky voice: Is this Narnia? We're not Narnians yet, right?!
–NYU Kimmel Center
Overheard by: Narnia @ NYU?
Five-year-old to three-year-old brother: Listen, we're going to have food all winter. It's hibernation. You know what hibernation is, don't you? Hibernation is when animals eat a lot of food and sleep all winter. We're gonna hibernate!
–M104 Bus
Overheard by: Samantha
Little kid: Grandma, smell this! It's Obsession for Men!
–Bergdorf Goodman
Sobbing five-year-old girl to mom in CD section: I wanna download, I don't wanna waste my money.
–Borders, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Can records labels sue toddlers?
Wednesday Off-the-Rack-Liners
20-something man on cell: I just bought another Transformers t-shirt. That means I am one Transformers t-shirt away from being able to only wear Transformers t-shirts.
–9th Ave & 45th St
Overheard by: Serena
Male art teacher: What's wrong with chiffon? If I were home right now, I would be wearing chiffon.
–Hunter College High School
Bar owner to college kid wearing suit: Look atchu all dressed up. What, are you goin' on a game show or somethin?
–Citi Bar
Overheard by: Lulu
20-something girl on cell: You should've known when you liked his clothes that he was going to be overly emotional. No one who dresses that good can hold it all together.
–Locker Room, Crunch Gym
Guy to group of friends: Yeah, so I said to him, "Mike, it's a problem when you wearin' the same clothes as your daughter.'"
–5th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Sue