Dear Uncle Sam– Have You Thought About Creating Food Stamps Specifically for Drugs?

Dealer: You got the rest of the money?
Buyer: Yeah, it's right here–look in the sock. (hands him sock)
Dealer, looking in sock: Bitch, I ain't no grocery! I ain't take yo' food stamps! (throws contents of sock–change and stamps–all on the ground)

–Nostrand Ave & St Mark's

Overheard by: whyileftbrooklyn

…Or, Like, a Sex Thing?

Customer: Do you accept AmEx?
Cashier: Is that a credit card?

–Century 21

Why Do You Think That Is?

Customer, waiting for credit card to be approved: You sell a lot of toys here.
Bewildered cashier: Yes. That we do.

–Toys “R” Us, Times Square

We Also Would Have Accepted “My Pants!”

Woman looking over jewelry on sidewalk table: Where are these necklaces from?
Seller: Wherever you want them to be from, baby.

–5th Ave & 52nd St

Ur Fir3d

Band dude #1: So… How do we break it to him?
Band dude #2: Buy him an iPhone?

–Broadway & Leonard

Overheard by: P. Mills

Neo, What Do You Think?

Cashier: Do you have a Duane Reade card?
Girl, fishing through purse: Yeah… Where are we, Duane Reade?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Guy next in line

Which Explains Sarah Jessica Parker.

Girl: Oh, lets go to Prada!
Guy: I hate Prada! Prada means not eating for a month!

–Outside Prada Store, SoHo

Cocaine Isn't a Lunch, Sweetie.

Cashier: Do you want your receipt?
Customer: Yeah, I guess. (pauses to read as she walks to the exit) I love it when my books cost less than my lunch!

–The Strand

Overheard by: Suzanne

Make Him Suffer

Chinese girl: Come with me to Ikea on Saturday?
Italian guy: Get a boyfriend!

–Wall St.

…Screaming Down the Stairwell

Guy: What about a trampoline?
Girl: Nah, it was more fun in a shopping cart.

–5th & Broadway