Archive for the ‘Shopping’ Category

One-Liners Melt in Your Mouth, Not in Your Wednesday

Girl: I would totally eat the shit out of a cupcake!

–St. Mark's Place

Mom to little boy crying after dropping popsicle: I'm not buying you another one!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Katherine

Thin blonde girl: I love food. I wish I could make love to this cookie…

–NYU

Very hot girl in expensive outfit to guy walking away: Oh, so looking at candy and toys is more important than my need to go to the bathroom?

–82nd & Central Park West

Wednesday One-Liners Are Here to Fix the Cable… (Bow Chicka Bow Wow!)

Midwestern tourist woman walking into trashy store: I hope this isn't a porn shop!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jingles

30-something woman on cell: I'm not bringing the baby to the porn convention!

–Hilton Theater

Man on phone: Did you say "corn" or "porn"?

–Onion News Network

Overheard by: Kaze

Man to wife: Don't worry, I don't need to upgrade. That's what porn is for!

–40th & Broadway

Overheard by: mel

When Compliments Attack!

Woman to friend, in crowded line: I feel like I'm in a department store. I'm riddled with anxiety.
Friend: If you don't get good customer service, you walk the fuck outta there! I am anal about customer service in the gym.
(they reach the cashier)
Friend to cashier
: Hey, lady, you actually know how to do your job. They should make you manager, so at least someone around here does what they're supposed to.


–Wholefoods, Chelsea

Overheard by: Katherine

Wednesdays Strap on Their One-Liners

Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs?

–Greenpoint Ave

Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink?

–Cook St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: cameo

Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious!

–Rockafeller Plaza

Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!

–Pillow Fight, Union Square

Overheard by: Anna P.

Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden!

–37th St & 8th Ave

20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys!

–Topshop