Archive for the ‘Should’ve Used a Condom’ Category

It’s Wednesday One-liners, Baby

Teen girl on cell: …you just gotta sit him down and say we’re both pregnant by him and we wanna know if we can get along! –Canal Street JHS boy: Let’s make like a fetus and head out. –Broadway & Washington Place Drunk girl: How could I be pregnant? I like women! –Times Square Thug on cell: Nigga, how you been? Shit, I had five kids since I last seen you! –Elizabeth & Prince Guy on cell: Do we have to wash you and shave you and put a diaper on you before tonight? –Penn Station Overheard by: djlindee

Silly Rabbit, Wednesday One-Liners Are for Kids

Excited little girl to friend: Hey! Wanna see my room? It's really cool! I got a bed!

–Whole Foods, Tribeca

Three-year-old girl, excitedly pointing at picture on store front: Look mommy, it's Buddha! It's Buddha!

–Ave B b/w 3rd & 4th

Overheard by: EVgirl

Young girl to father: Only 1,486 days until I'm 18 and then I can do whatever the heck I want.

–E 78th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Brandon F

4-year-old girl to father trying to board overcrowded train: Jesus, we should have taken the bus! I told you we should have taken the bus.

–Uptown 4 Train

Overheard by: kdice

Five-year-old son to father who just dropped BlackBerry: What the hell just happened here?

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Four-year-old girl: I'mma hustla! I'mma, I'mma hustla!

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Nina

Orthodox Mormons Have All the Fun

Guy on cell: Hello?…What do you mean you have bad news?…You’re pregnant? How could you be pregnant?…I thought you were on the Pill? How did this happen?!…I just got engaged to your sister on the 4th of July…This is really bad news…How long have you known?…A week?! Why did you wait a week to tell me?…Your sister is going to go through the roof…No, she doesn’t come back until Monday…So, I’ll see you tonight?…I told you, I just got engaged to your sister. You can’t be pregnant…Okay, have a good afternoon.

He makes another call.

Guy on cell: Hey…You know Claire*?…Yeah, Lauren’s* sister…Yeah, the hot one…Well, she’s pregnant…Me!

–46th between 5th & 6th