Archive for the ‘Should’ve Used a Condom’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners: Now with Coloring Placemat Menus

Small child in large line of kids to woman carrying first-aid kit: Hey, Miss Cynthia, I can’t wait to disappear! –Lawton St, & Bushwick Ave, Brooklyn Boy pointing at guy dressed as Statue of Liberty: We waited this whole time just to see that?! –Line for Statue of Liberty, Battery Park Little girl: Daddy! I’m hard! –Blockbuster Overheard by: Abram Small boy: Mommy, you sit over there next to Grandma, and I’ll sit over here next to myself. –Brooklyn-bound F train Overheard by: post-modern self-identity is a funny thing Sobbing little boy in stroller to mother: Why can’t you just settle me dowwwn?! –48th St & Madison Overheard by: Micaela

Hush, Little Wednesday, Don't You One-Liner

Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying. –4th Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: olivejuice Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home! –Park Slope, Brooklyn Overheard by: Lucian Guy to girl, on Valentine's Day: You look fat when you cry. –Cobble Hill Overheard by: MJB Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you! –Staten Island Ferry Guy to girlfriend: I'm sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying. –Bowery & 2nd

Eat This– It'll Be Hanukah in Your Mouth!

Little boy: When will it be Hanukkah?
Dad: Not for a while.
Little boy: But I'm begging you for Hanukkah.
Dad: You got some time until it's Hanukkah, buddy.
Little boy: Now you'll never get me a present!
Dad: (begins to leave with the little boy)
Little boy: I am not moving until it's Hanukkah! –Bagel Shop, The Village Overheard by: wilpon