Archive for the ‘Should’ve Used a Condom’ Category

Nothing Like a Spirited Game Of Who's-the-Crack-Baby

Mom, loudly: Who does mommy love?
Screaming toddler, holding cup in stroller: Tee tee tee!
Mom: Mommy loves the baby! And who's the baby?
Child: Tee tee tee!
Mom: Are you the baby?
(child starts crying)
Mom
: Oh, stop that! You're old enough to drink a latte, so quit crying.


–183rd St & Ft. Washington Ave

Overheard by: Anna

Jim Henson’s Charles Manson Babies!

Little boy stabbing balloon man with a balloon sword: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!
Balloon man: Goodbye! Be good, everyone!
Little boy, still stabbing: Die! Die! Die! Die! Die!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Rick Felice


Headline by: Matthew


Runners-Up:
· “And if that doesn’t do it, I challenge you to water pistols at dawn!” – Cynthia
· “Except you, kid. You go fuck yourself.” – ImmaculatePizza
· “He Who Lives By The Balloon…” – Hobo Whisperer
· “You too, Brutus.” – Aeirlys




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

“There's No Wednesday One-Linering in Baseball!”

Dad to whiny three-year-old daughter: And now you're going to try and manipulate me by crying.

–186th St & Ft. Washington Ave

Girl to friends: That's just the way the world is. You don't see me cryin' whenever someone calls me a fat bitch or a short bitch or an ugly bitch…

–23rd & 8th

15-year-old boy: Yo, I'd cry if that happened to me, but I'm just sensitive like that.

–A Train

Overheard by: pop pop

Girl: And then you know I take out my yo-yo and start dancing. And then you know I'm multi-tasking! I'm yo-yoing, dancing and crying all at the same time!

–LaGuardia High School

Woman on cell: Alex, stop crying. Stop crying. What about the breadsticks, were there at least breadsticks?

–34th & 6th