Archive for the ‘Should’ve Used a Condom’ Category

Wednesday Onesie Liners

Woman on cell, loudly: No, no, my baby's getting fixed that day! –5th Ave Yuppie thug in three-piece suit, loudly on cell while riding escalator: So you sayin' it's mines? How you know it's mines? Naw naw, how you know? Bitch, kiss my ass! If they ain't been no muh-fuckin DNA test, then they ain't been no baby sprung up outta my dick! I ain't no adoption agency! –Borders, Penn Station Overheard by: IJustWanttoBrowseMadonna'sBrother'sTell-AllinPeace 20-something male on cell: What did I tell you about having sex with people who have babymama problems? That's why I gave up my crush on Bristol Palin. –110th & Broadway Overheard by: Topical Black lady with stroller: Ohhh, no. All y'all are not fitting into this car. Stop pushin' up on my baby. Y'all need to back that shit up now. (baby starts crying) What do you want? What do you want? Are you having hot flashes? Cause I know I am. Jesus! –Downtown 6 Train Overheard by: Alie Black woman: Of all his babymamas, why he alway bothering her? He has all these babymamas and he's always bugging her. She must still be puttin' out. –34th & Broadway Very young pregnant woman purchasing cigarettes on: What the hell kind of difference does what you eat have on what kind of baby you have? –Nostrand & Dean, Crown Heights Overheard by: Siobhan

Reach Out & Touch Wedneday One-liners

Teen girl on cell: …Can you believe he wanted me to stick my hand in there and touch it?…Yeah, I did it…Oh, it was huge! He said it was really big, but damn! And it’s long, too!…Uh, the head is an
average size, I guess…I like how it feels…Okay, why is the spotlight on me?…Different people are giving me that “what the fuck” look…Oh, shit! Ha, ha, ha! You’re right. Hold on…Chill, everyone! I’m talking about my boyfriend’s pet snake, not his
penis…Okay, continue. –Dunkin’ Donuts, Fulton Mall Overheard by: Shanny O.

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets. –10 Rockefeller Plaza Overheard by: Jarrod Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options. –Grand St, Chinatown Overheard by: Mike Posillico Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song. –Bx15 Bus Overheard by: Karly Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold! –34th & 3rd Overheard by: Dahouhou Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there. –14th St, across Doomed Megastore Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin