Archive for the ‘Singing’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners (Sing Along If You Know the Words)

Crazy hobo (to the tune of Elvis’ Hound dog): Ain’t nothing but a hound dog! (mutters next two lines) And you never fuck a rabbit in the ass, cause that’s just a waste of time!

–E 4th St & 2nd Ave

Man, to the tune of Hit Me Baby One More Time: I need to pee out of my urethra.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Noelle

Guy in back of the bus wearing headphones and singing: (almost inaudible) I wanna die…I just wanna die.
(everyone stares at him)
Guy
: (almost inaudible) I wanna die… I wanna dieeeeeeee.


–Bx 9 Bus, Fordham Plaza

Overheard by: Krisztina, sitting right in front of him

Homeless guy singing while shaking paper cup full of change: Oh me, oh my… There goes perfection. Oh me, oh my… Here comes an erection.

–13th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: rolf

Young Hispanic man singing to Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven: And there’s a wino down the road!

–E train

Overheard by: In_the_Shadows

Crazy hobo signing to two passing women: Vaaaggiiinnnaaa… Vaaagggiiiinnaaaa. (stretches out his neck towards them and emphasizes) Vaaaaggggiiiiinnnaaaaaa!

–Near NYU

Overheard by: Joe

Wordsworth’s Like a Pile of Puke Compared to Luther Vandross

Student: For my song poem, I chose ‘Always and Forever,’ remade by Luther Vandross.
Professor, singing: Always and forever, each moment with you is just like a dream to me that somehow came true…
Student: Ahem. I have to read the poem. [After student is done reading, professor leads class in singing the whole song.]

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl

Beware Of Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana!

–D Train

Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa

Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who?

–E 90th St

Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!"

–Houston & Orchard

Overheard by: j

Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean.

–E 4th St & Lafayette

Overheard by: amanda

Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof!

–2nd Ave & 94th St

Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is.

–Broadway & Chambers St

Overheard by: Carolyn S

Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas!

–Winter Gardens

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

Exactly Half

Hipster guy: And then we wandered down the street into Bed-Stuy, like into the projects, and these guys were screaming at us, like, “You in the wrong part of Brooklyn, white boys!” …but Marcus is half black!
Hipster girl: Oh, so it's not entirely ironic when he freestyles?

–Hayden Residence Hall, NYU

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Hoboner

Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy.

–A Train

Overheard by: SBroto

Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches.

–Shuttle to Grand Central

Overheard by: alan b hutscar

Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca

Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it?

–Central Park

Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down!

–4th & Broadway

Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man)

–1 Train