Archive for the ‘Singing’ Category

Wordsworth’s Like a Pile of Puke Compared to Luther Vandross

Student: For my song poem, I chose ‘Always and Forever,’ remade by Luther Vandross.
Professor, singing: Always and forever, each moment with you is just like a dream to me that somehow came true…
Student: Ahem. I have to read the poem. [After student is done reading, professor leads class in singing the whole song.]

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl

Beware Of Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana!

–D Train

Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa

Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who?

–E 90th St

Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!"

–Houston & Orchard

Overheard by: j

Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean.

–E 4th St & Lafayette

Overheard by: amanda

Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof!

–2nd Ave & 94th St

Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is.

–Broadway & Chambers St

Overheard by: Carolyn S

Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas!

–Winter Gardens

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

Exactly Half

Hipster guy: And then we wandered down the street into Bed-Stuy, like into the projects, and these guys were screaming at us, like, “You in the wrong part of Brooklyn, white boys!” …but Marcus is half black!
Hipster girl: Oh, so it's not entirely ironic when he freestyles?

–Hayden Residence Hall, NYU

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Hoboner

Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy.

–A Train

Overheard by: SBroto

Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches.

–Shuttle to Grand Central

Overheard by: alan b hutscar

Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca

Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it?

–Central Park

Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down!

–4th & Broadway

Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man)

–1 Train

Wednesday One-liners Sparkle and Shine

Hipster on cell: Okay. After my nap. Call me from the park once you are covered in glitter and I will come down. –14th & B Hipster chick: I’m totally boycotting the sun this summer. –L train Overheard by: Matt Ferrin Guy on cell: …and I just told him, “I don’t care what you say. As far as I’m concerned, I am the star of a Broadway musical.” –34th & 7th Overheard by: Bridget Unnel

Wednesday One-Liners Are With the Band

Dr. Obvious: If you want to be a label band, you have to play like a label band. –Bar basement, Williamsburg Subway performer: I would like to sing you a song now, one that I wrote and I am very proud of. It goes like this, “Lean on me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend…” –Brooklyn bound L train Overheard by: Meg Guy to girl: I don’t mean to be pretentious, but I have seen the Palominos live. –CBGB’s Karaoke singer: I realized early on that I wasn’t being sexy enough with that song, and then suddenly I was humping the air. –Fat Black Pussycat, 3rd St & 6th Ave Stoner: Dude, what is this band playing? Is this Phish? No, seriously. I’m really confused. –Dave Matthews Band concert, Randall’s Island Overheard by: Sober at Randall’s Island Black guy: I don’t give a damn what the black people think! I want Evanescence! –Hunter College Overheard by: Kimmie Waiter: I had to get out of there. I’m sorry, but I just can’t listen to Tom Waits as soon as I get into work! It’s too early for Tom Waits! Let me ease into my day first. Jesus! –Outside Life Café Overheard by: daile