Archive for the ‘Singing’ Category

Exactly Half

Hipster guy: And then we wandered down the street into Bed-Stuy, like into the projects, and these guys were screaming at us, like, “You in the wrong part of Brooklyn, white boys!” …but Marcus is half black!
Hipster girl: Oh, so it's not entirely ironic when he freestyles?

–Hayden Residence Hall, NYU

You Can Be No Happier Than the Least-Happy Person in the Bed

Sad-looking tiny girlfriend: This was just an awful shift and an awful day.
Meathead boyfriend. trying to cheer her up: Do you want me to sing the sleepy time song?
Sad-looking tiny girlfriend: No. I just want to drink.
Meathead boyfriend: I have Jack at home.
Sad-looking tiny girlfriend: Fuck Jack, I need fucking tequila!
Meathead boyfriend: No! You're mean when you have tequila!
Sad-looking tiny girlfriend: I'm going to be meaner than I am now if I don't get tequila!
Meathead boyfriend: Okay, I'll get a bottle.

–A Train

The Hills Are Alive with the Sound Of Wednesday One-Liners

Puerto Rican Mets fan in day parade, singing: "Aye girl, lemme smell yo feet, aye girl lemme smell yo feet, oooh oooh oooh, lemme smell yo feet."

–Union Square

Egg-shaped man with cane, singing to the tune of "What a Wonderful World": I see little boys, and little girls, they have good parents, but they get screwed up anyway… And I think to myself, I love the babies…

–L Train

Large woman, to the tune of "We Are All One Body": "We ain't with no retards! We man's chil'ren of the world!" (female friend sits across from her) I wish I could fuck every girl in the world!

–Metro-North Rail

Thug, dressed top to toe in Ed Hardy gear, singing in Eva Gabor accent: "Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue!"

–51st St & Park Ave

Boy in hallway, singing: "Don't want to close my eyes, don't wanna fall… (laughter from inside closed apartment) Heh-heh… Shutthefuckup!

–NYU Dorm

Every Wednesday One-Liner Has Its Price

Woman to another: She had one baby at her breast and another baby sitting next to her, trying to sell chicklets.

–10 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Jarrod

Young man to young woman: Sell it on the black market or give it up for adoption. That's basically your only two options.

–Grand St, Chinatown

Overheard by: Mike Posillico

Crazy woman to entire bus: My husband be given my money to all those hoes. That's why I gotta sell coffee. But at least I'm not sellin' my ass… (gets distracted by radio) Oh, this is a nice song.

–Bx15 Bus

Overheard by: Karly

Father of four, attempting herd jumping children on street: Okay, the next child that doesn't listen to me will be sold!

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: Dahouhou

Midwestern lady tourist to husband: Huh, Virgin. I wonder what they sell there.

–14th St, across Doomed Megastore

Overheard by: Not buyin what they're sellin

Wednesday One-Liners Are With the Band

Dr. Obvious: If you want to be a label band, you have to play like a label band. –Bar basement, Williamsburg Subway performer: I would like to sing you a song now, one that I wrote and I am very proud of. It goes like this, “Lean on me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend…” –Brooklyn bound L train Overheard by: Meg Guy to girl: I don’t mean to be pretentious, but I have seen the Palominos live. –CBGB’s Karaoke singer: I realized early on that I wasn’t being sexy enough with that song, and then suddenly I was humping the air. –Fat Black Pussycat, 3rd St & 6th Ave Stoner: Dude, what is this band playing? Is this Phish? No, seriously. I’m really confused. –Dave Matthews Band concert, Randall’s Island Overheard by: Sober at Randall’s Island Black guy: I don’t give a damn what the black people think! I want Evanescence! –Hunter College Overheard by: Kimmie Waiter: I had to get out of there. I’m sorry, but I just can’t listen to Tom Waits as soon as I get into work! It’s too early for Tom Waits! Let me ease into my day first. Jesus! –Outside Life Café Overheard by: daile