Archive for the ‘Singing’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are With the Band

Dr. Obvious: If you want to be a label band, you have to play like a label band. –Bar basement, Williamsburg Subway performer: I would like to sing you a song now, one that I wrote and I am very proud of. It goes like this, “Lean on me, when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend…” –Brooklyn bound L train Overheard by: Meg Guy to girl: I don’t mean to be pretentious, but I have seen the Palominos live. –CBGB’s Karaoke singer: I realized early on that I wasn’t being sexy enough with that song, and then suddenly I was humping the air. –Fat Black Pussycat, 3rd St & 6th Ave Stoner: Dude, what is this band playing? Is this Phish? No, seriously. I’m really confused. –Dave Matthews Band concert, Randall’s Island Overheard by: Sober at Randall’s Island Black guy: I don’t give a damn what the black people think! I want Evanescence! –Hunter College Overheard by: Kimmie Waiter: I had to get out of there. I’m sorry, but I just can’t listen to Tom Waits as soon as I get into work! It’s too early for Tom Waits! Let me ease into my day first. Jesus! –Outside Life Café Overheard by: daile

Wednesday Puts on Its One-Liners One Leg at a Time

Ghetto dude on phone: Do you know what I could do with that money? I could get a new pair of pants… or maybe get my hair done. –Broadway & 86th St Girl to another: I had this teacher in high school who wore the tightest pants. Camel toe all the time. –Union Square Overheard by: Giancarlo Annoying sober 20-something, returning from bathroom: God! I'm so sweaty, it made it really hard to pull my pants down. –Diner, 3rd Ave Teenage girl to another: He came here to do a concert. He probably doesn't want to hear you scream, "Take your pants off!" –Battery Park

I Gave Him My Best Parker Posey Lip Curl and Left the Train

Snooty alternative chick: So, for some reason I always get these creepy guys talking to me on the train. This one guy on the ride over here looked over at my iPod and I was listening to The Fall, right? And he’s like, ‘That’s an interesting song. It’s like punk, right?’ And so then he pulls out his iPod and starts trying to impress me with his shitty music list.
Alternative guy: What was on it?
Snooty alternative chick: Blink 182 and Good Charlotte and stuff… And it’s like, ‘Um, you’re a guy on the N train who started talking to me, you’re not gonna get in my pants… And you’re especially not gonna get in my pants if you don’t know who The Fall are! That’s totally a prerequisite.’ –Kim’s Video, St. Mark’s Pl

Wednesday One-Liners Don't Know How to Quit You

Young queer on cell, laughing: I mean, what is he going to blackmail me with? –9th & 47th Overheard by: wondering Older queer to boyfriend: There's nothing like listening to Bach after having sex! –W 72nd St, Record Store Overheard by: I'll have to try that sometime… (40-something gay guy is looking through a clearance rack of mismatched outerwear under sign that reads "Big and tall active bottoms")
60-something gay guy, yelling: Good luck, dahling, you're in the wrong section. Find where the big desperate bottoms are and try that! –KMart, Penn Station Overheard by: RoverUSA Gay black man to whimpering toddler held by mother: Don't even start with me… Thank the Lord you ain't my kid. –M15 Bus Young, good looking gay guy to much older ugly boyfriend: My ex-boyfriend always bought me presents… –86th St & Lexington

The Naked Singing Telegram Rethinks Her Business Model

Chick #1: How’d it go?
Chick #2: Good. I sang the three notes good and he looked up from his computer and smiled.
Chick #1: Hmmm, good.
Chick #2: Or he could have been looking at these…
Chick #1: Oh yeah, he was checking out your boobs! –Elevator, W 26 St between 6th Ave & 7th Ave Overheard by: mondo man

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct

Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole! –Penn Station Overheard by: Jumana Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends. –Columbus Circle Overheard by: Rich R. Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice) –Waverly Place & 5th Ave Overheard by: steph Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You! –Humboldt & Withers Overheard by: francesca Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down. –Williams St Overheard by: Sonya