Archive for the ‘Skinny People’ Category

Cliche Must Be French for Hippopotamus

Fat lady: Last night, I ate an entire box of cookies
Skinny lady: Uh huh.
Fat lady: Like the whole box. I mean, I sort of threw up in my sleep I think.
Skinny lady: That’s–
Fat lady: I mean, there were definite cookie bits in my bed this morning. I’m such a cliche.
Skinny lady: That’s just really…sad. –Pick a Bagel on Third, Third Avenue

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You Should Take That As a Sign to Fuck Me

Fashionista queer: Excuse me, could I bum a cigarette?
Rocker queer: Sorry, I don't smoke. But you should take that as a sign to quit! It's bad for you!
Fashionista queer: Who cares, I'm skinny! –Cafeteria, 17th & 7th Overheard by: Nellee

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It Dislodged Several Ceiling Tiles

Skinny NYU girl #1: Oh my god, I couldn’t believe it happened. It’s one of those things you have nightmares about.
Skinny NYU girl #2: I know. Don’t people know they shouldn’t eat for at least two hours before?
Skinny NYU girl #1: Duh, totally. Who farts in the middle of yoga class?
Skinny NYU girl #2: She’ll have to go to therapy for months. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Michelle Eisenberg

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Wednesday One-Liners–Not for the Calorie-Conscious

3rd grader, cheerily announcing to subway: I'm starving! I didn't even have breakfast! (jubilantly) Just candy! –4 Train Overheard by: i tried that once Cosi employee to another: Dude, don't tell anyone, but I put a *special ingredient* in the brownies. –Cosi Restaurant Fat girl with three skinny friends and a large cupcake: So what do you think our cupcake choices say about our personalities? –Crumbs Bake Shop Overheard by: Damon Old guy with ponytail: You bootlegged My Bloody Valentine? That's like breaking into the US Mint and stealing the chocolate sauce! –7th Ave Overheard by: Good Analogy Girl: And by "jellybean," I mean "fetus"! –Christopher & W 4th St Woman: It's no longer a chocolate vagina, it's just a pool of chocolate! –Manhattan Center Grand Ballroom Overheard by: Ilyssa

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Or If We Were an Alien Race That Mated Through Our Hands

Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: What we do is not disgraceful. There's nothing disgraceful about you.
Tall thin man, with boom box in hand: No.
Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: There's nothing disgraceful about me.
Tall thin man: No.
Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: It's the sin that's disgraceful. Us, holding hands, how we show our love, that's fine. It would be a whole different story if I wasn't married, but I am. –Essex & Delancey Overheard by: nb

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Wednesday's Great With One-Liners

Eight-year-old girl, singing: Fat lips, big lips, get your pregnant lips here! –6 Train Out-of-breath man on steps: Okay, man, breathe. Breathe like you're having your first child! –W4 Subway Overheard by: Keep Pushing On! Pregnant woman on cell: So, yeah, I'm about 5 centimeters dilated, so I'm going to get a Tasti D-Lite and then go to the hospital. –Rockefeller Center Hot skinny, Asian girl to hot, skinny, blonde friends: So, am I going to get pregnant this month or what? –57th & Park Overheard by: would have liked to help her Girl on phone: Okay, so I got the pregnancy test and the vodka. We'll see which one wins. –6 Train

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