Archive for the ‘Skinny People’ Category

What Happens When You Use the TV As a Babysitter: A Simulation

Skinny girl: I'm sorry you have to go through this.
Sobbing girl: I just…I just hope he's going to… be okay.
Skinny girl: Do you think that maybe you want to go and compose yourself in the office?
Sobbing girl: I was just… there. And I would… but the candy… sucks.
Skinny girl: I'll… I'll give you my last Mentos.
Sobbing girl: The Freshmaker?

–The Met

Normal for an American, or What?

20-something skinny hipster girl: I'm in an eating phase. It started on Tuesday, and it'll go until Friday, if I've calculated my lunar cycle correctly.
20-something skinny hipster boy: Yeah, me too… I hadn't eaten for weeks, so I'll probably go til Saturday or Sunday.
20-something skinny hipster girl: What about you?
20-something chubby stoned hipster girl: I don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about. I eat like a normal person.

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: emily darwin

Jennifer Wednesday-One-Liner Hewitt

Eight-year-old girl to eight-year-old friend: You see, I love him, but I can't make that kind of commitment right now.

–Carroll Gardens

Lone suit, shaking fists in air: Why do fools fall in love?!

–Wall Street

Overheard by: poisonivy

Woman to neighbor, shouting out of the window: She's an idiot! She knows the man's a fucking bullshit artist, and she's in love with him!

–Hoffman St & 187th

Inebriated, tattooed man on cell: You fuckin' love me?! You fuckin' know what? That's fuckin' unreal, you know why?! Because you fuckin' don't!

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Cara

Sallow, skinny, melancholy tattooed dude: Looking for love in all the wrong places… That's why I was after her ass.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Wednesday One-Liners May Give You Gas

Guy to girl: You're going to regret it for the rest of your life if you get the wrong salad.

–SoHo

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Slender waitress to two large customers: Make sure you finish *all* of that! Especially the celery. That's my favorite part! (they look in disgust)

–Applebee's, Astoria

Yoga clothes-clad girl, loudly to friend: It is not a vegetable. It's a legume!

–6th Ave & W 12th St

Man to woman: So I sayz, "Lady, you're my cuppa tea alright, but I like the occasional cucumber, if you know what I'm sayin'…"

–Herald Square

Overheard by: Mira

Gay guy: I saw people coming out of the woods and I was like, "Aghhh! Corn children!"

–8th & 45th

Overheard by: i'd be scared, too

Sarah Jessica Parker's son: Do you know what kind of lettuce she likes?

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Brooke

Doesn't It, Like, Interfere with Daily Life?

Average 20-something woman: So they ordered from that Chinese place for lunch.
Too-skinny 20-something: Isn't that the third time this week?
Average 20-something woman: I don't understand the fascination with eating from the same place three times a week.
Too-skinny 20-something: I don't understand the fascination with eating a meal three times a week.

–L Train

Overheard by: Rina

Jessica Was Only Halfway Through Her Etiquette Guide

Very fat man in suit: Excuse me, miss, could you move your bag so I could sit in that seat?
Thin girl: With all due respect, sir, even if I did move this bag, there's no way your fat ass will fit here.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: thinks he should try Weight Watchers

Headline by: JohnAustin

Runners-Up:
· “”Let Me Rephrase. Excuse Me, BITCH…”” – Paul Tabachneck
· “New Yorkers: Keeping It Real Since 1886″ – Nicole
· “She’ll Be His First Target When He Becomes a Serial Killer” – Muse on the Loose
· “She’ll Gain 200 Pounds When She Gets Pregnant” – Vanessa
· “Southwest Airlines Has Already Made This Point” – Michellinator
· “Under a Fat Man, Nobody Can Hear You Scream” – Trey Jackson
· “Weigh Watchers Has a New Recruiting Campaign Called “Honesty”” – Lauren


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday Keeps Popping Out One-Liners

Drunk woman to another: Well, I will see your divorce and raise you an illegitimate pregnancy!

–Court St & Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn

Girl to super skinny girl: You look pregnant, I think I have a clothes hanger in my locker. You wanna come up and check with me?

–1st Ave & 3rd St

Dad holding baby to wife with another kid in stroller: Somebody's about to get pregnant up in here… It'll be like Maury Povich.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: NOT the father

Dude on bus to child: See, women, they get to grow people. And in exchange, we get to pee standing up.

–Q64 Bus

Overheard by: a people-grower

Girl to friend: You always seem to get pregnant at the worst times.

–Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: Jenn

Girl to friend: I'm feeling fertile. Who's going to tend to that feeling for me?

–2 Train

Latino guy to friends: That's what my name means in Portuguese, "pregnancy test positive."

–84th Drive, Queens