Archive for the ‘S&M’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Calculate the Circular Pigmented Area

Coed: When my nipple-hairs pop up, that means I'm done.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo to tiny sexy Asian girl wearing tank top on chilly day: Two nipples for a dime?

–9th Ave & 14th St

Cute gay chick on cell: I am aware that it's pride month, but I still like to keep sharp objects away from my nipples. My gay forefathers did not fight at Stonewall so that I might wear body jewelry.

–4th Ave & 11th St, Brooklyn

Mother to little boy: Those are not meant to be shown in public; nipples are private things.

–A Train

Overheard by: g-lime

Crazy guy, yelling: When I see my nipples in the mirror, I look away!

–Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Zach Rock Steady

I'm Barred From Her Dungeon for Life

Slutty lesbian chick buying ice cream: So then she says “Scream! I'm going to keep spanking you until you scream!”
Slightly less slutty chick: So what did you do?
Slutty lesbian chick: Well, I wanted it to be hot, but when it came out it wasn't so much an “I'm getting spanked, and it's hot” scream as it was an “I'm shitty and it hurts” grunt.

–Grocery Store, The Bronx

Not in the Face, Wednesday One-Liner!

Man on phone: Wait, so she bit you? Dude! Wait, what? She punched you? Oh, you went to punch her? Dude, you punched her?

–Penn Station

Too young for final stage alcoholism guy: I totally held my own. I knocked the girl out and fucked the guy up.

–10th St & Ave A

Gangster: Next time I see him, I'ma kick him in his good leg.

–Uptown F Train

Softball-player-looking girl to friends: If you ever wear a tiara at your wedding, I'm going to punch you in the face.

–Wagner Park

Overheard by: mclaire

Young mother to others: Yeah, but you hafta be careful. You can't just hit your kids in public.

–Rivington & Essex

Overheard by: verbal abuse ftw!

Boyfriend to girlfriend: But if I punch you in the throat you will stop breathing.

–SoHo

Teen girl: Did you see that? I almost punched Ira's glass in the chest! That was awesome!

–AMC Theater, 19th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Katie

Wednesday Isn't One-Liner. He Has a Girlfriend in Canada.

11 year-old girl to dad: Sucking on something automatically makes you gay.

–High Line

Overheard by: Kirby

NYPD detective, working Gay Pride parade: They've been coming out for the last two hours. And they will probably be coming out for another three hours!

–5th Ave & 55th St

Overheard by: Just Visiting…

Not very effeminate gay guy, near extremely effeminate group of pride festers: Suddenly, I don't feel so gay!

–PrideFest, Abingdon Square

Overheard by: proud dad

Man to friend: The problem with getting too buff is that people start to think that you're gay.

–Starbucks

Male fashionista to stranger on bus: And she thought I was gay because I dress well and stuff. (to another passenger) Oh, is that moisturizer? Can I use some?

–Hampton Jitney

Overheard by: Can't imagine why she thought so

Woman handcuffed to man, having romantic picnic with rose petals spilled over a blanket: I didn't think I would be handcuffed to you in a park telling you all of my secrets when I met you in a gay bar!

–Central Park Sheep Meadow

Keep Your Wednesday One-Liner in Your Pants, Dude

Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him!

–26th St & Lexington Ave

Overheard by: your mom

Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.

–D Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along!

–Broadway

Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene!

–Junior High School

Overheard by: gabygrillz

The Kind Of Advice Dr. Phil Wants to Give

Stressed fashionista to BFF: Do you know where I can get a decent elliptical machine for $600 for my apartment?
BFF: No. Have you tried Craigslist?
Stressed fashionista: Already tried Craigslist…maybe I just need a punching bag.
BFF: I know those are on Craigslist. Look under “personals” for “sub m looking for dominant f.”

–57th St & 6th Ave