Bitchy queen to young couple: Hey, are you guys kinky?
Tiny girlfriend, in ridiculously oversized fur: Excuse me?
Bitchy queen: I was just wondering if you knew how it felt to have an electric rod stuck up your ass.
–Lafayette Ave & E 4th
Archive for the ‘S&M’ Category
Wednesday Doesn't Know a Single One-Liner Here Tonight
Girl to friend: This party is going to be awesome! Wait. We have to stop somewhere on the way…I gotta pee before I put out tonight.
–Montrose & Graham
Dude: Do you even know what an Animal Collective Listening Party means in the rest of the country?
–Animal Collective Album Listening Party, River Room, Harlem
Overheard by: care bear stare
Girl: I think it's okay if she parties, as long as it's with a bunch of Christians.
–West 4th b/w 6th & MacDougal
Girl to friend: There's this party in the East Village. It's called "Spit." I'll tell you next time I go. It's on Fridays. But my gawd, these guys are cokeheads. I ended up with ten of them in my apartment last week.
–8th & 18th
Overheard by: Sebastian White
Chick on cell: Do parties *count* if there's nothing but necking and spanking and nipple-tweaking?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy: I know I'm gay, but the best part of my Bar Mitzvah was meeting the party planner.
–Barns & Noble, 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Rijita
Scarlett Johansson's Wearing Wednesday One-Liners This Season
(Asian tourist walks onto subway with large panda-head shaped hat)
Random guy: Take off that silly ass hat!
–Uptown 1 Train
Guy: When I wear my other coat, I look like a yak.
–Mott St
Overheard by: robin
Thug to friend: I totally know fashion designers. I know who Hill-finger is.
–Thompson Street, SoHo
Drunk guy to orthodox Jew: Nice lid.
–Near Herald Square
Guy walking out of subway: Then she came in and told me to put the mask on.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Sarah
History teacher to class: Now, if you want a decent straw hat, do not make one.
–Millennium High School
Overheard by: Adriana
If You're Wednesday and You Know It, Clap Your One-Liners!
Man: Is this the happy train? (no reply) Oh, this is the depressed train. Who wants spare change?
–N Train
Overheard by: ellen.
Big old Russian guy: So vhy you drink? You drink ven you are happy, and you drink ven you are sad. Me, I am either happy, or I am sad. So me, I am drinking all the time!
–Deli, 83rd & York
Overheard by: Zinny
Large woman on cell: I wanted to suck away your happiness, do you understand? I just wanted to suck it away!
–Grand Central Station
Girl on cell: Yeah, no. So then he pulls the rubber duck out of his (lowers voice) ass and says he loves me. Yeah, for the first time, I was so happy…
–B Train
Grumpy Old Wednesday One-Liners
Old man in laundry room: I saw a young man the other day put about 8 Levi's in this little machine, here. They came out with soap all over them because he didn't give them enough room. I turned to him and said, "young man, you need your mother."
–25th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Adam and AMC
Old man, yelling at a passing ambulance with blaring sirens: Oh, shut the fuck up. Goddamnit!
–Broadway & Washington Place
Little old lady, passing a steep cellar: Wow. I wouldn't want to be drunk going down those stairs.
–Broome Street b/w Allen & Eldridge
Overheard by: always take the elevator
Little old lady to physical therapist: Can I Facebook friend you?
–Parkside Physical Therapy, 100th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Old Greek man to another: Ya gotta use ya mind, ya money, and ya mouth. Mmm. The three Ms.
–Ditmars
Overheard by: ashley
Old lady with walker to nurse: I just love fresh air and a cigarette.
–5th & B
Overheard by: Adam Glaser
Older man to waiter: You didn't tell me that soup wasn't included. I can't believe you're charging someone of my generation for soup. I shouldn't have to pay for just water, chicken, and rice. Some of us here are on a fixed income. (to neighboring table) You be careful! Your bill's going to come to $30! (pays at register) You should have told me. Now I hope you're happy that tomorrow an old man won't be able to afford his medicine.
–New Wave Cafe, 79th & Broadway
Overheard by: EthanK
Wednesday One-Liners? Kinky!
300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he's into that kinky downtown shit.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: bastardo
Loud upstate girl: I think…doin' any kinda research inta furries? You're in trouble.
–Hudson & Houston
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Hoochie: I mean, you gonna handcuff me, then handcuff me. But, you know, when I gotta go do my shit, I gotta go.
–1st St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: stephie
Curly-haired girl on cell: I've totally got a cold too! But I've also got bondage tape. And a cell phone activated vibrator.
–Ouidad salon
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Suit to another, while having lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from behind.
–Central Park
Guy at table: You know, she's a quality girl, even when I was in handcuffs, I could tell that she was a quality girl.
–Carnegie Deli
Overheard by: Spazz
Ok, So She Sleeps Above the Covers. Four *Feet* Above the Covers!
Guy #1: The girl I'm thinking of, she's not exactly crazy, but…
Guy #2: What, am I gonna wake up tied to the bed?
–15th & 5th
But Leave a Message with My Secretary, and I'll Get Back to You
(man in bondage gear is being bent over by woman holding his leash. Another woman is whipping him)
Random man with camera: Hey, can you turn around?
Bondage woman (in mid whip): No, I can't turn around, I'm fucking busy!
–Halloween Parade
Overheard by: kevin fitzpatrick
Wednesday One-Liners Forget the Safe Word
Tall 30-something: With my corporate job, I couldn't afford a studio at $1,850 per month, so then I became a dominatrix. But after a while, it takes over your life. You end up thinking "Well, I don't have anyone to beat up today, I'll just online shop." So I had to stop."
–54th St & 10th Ave, in Line for The Daily Show
Man on phone: Oh…but I thought you said to leave $500 for you to pick up. (pause) I'm sorry mistress…I'm sorry mistress.
–Broome b/w Mercer & Greene
Guy on cell in line for NJ transit bus: Call me daddy. Call me daddy! Now slap that ass. I can't hear that, slap that ass harder! Yeah, that's what I like.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Eric
Woman on cell: I'm going to spank you. Can I do that?
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: shelallie
Enthusiastic guy to friends: I probably could've whipped better today.
–Midtown
Overheard by: Eric
Six-year-old girl to little boys wrestling: Guys, why don't you to it to me? …cuz I don't care. My stomach hurts already. Guys, why don't you push me down? Because I like it!
–Central Park
Overheard by: nosey nafia
Wednesday One-Liners (Bow Chicka Bow Bow)
Suit: Do you know what it’s like when you’re reading the news and you get 19 clips of Brazilian women fucking?
–Astor Place & Lafayette
Overheard by: that’s a problem?
Woman to dinner companion: I think I’d like to get into flagellation porn. I’m not really sure how to go about it though.
–Ludlow & Broome
Random girl, during lull in party conversation: But it’s straight porn!
–Bleecker & W 10th
Overheard by: Deontology
Guy: I wouldn’t fuck her if she was the last person on earth! There had better be porn on cable!
–5 Train
Professor: Does anyone know Henry Miller? [Girl raises her hand.] You and those of us… those of us who had to resort to the Sears Roebuck catalog for porn… Well, when we got older we had to turn to higher literature so we’d flip through Henry Miller for delightful dirty passages.
–Religion Class, Hunter College
Overheard by: liza