Archive for the ‘Smegma’ Category

The Lost Friends Episode

Chick #1: What’s that? ‘Smegma’? That’s not a word.
Guy #1: Of course it’s a word.
Chick #1: Bullshit. What does it mean?
Guy #1: Haven’t you ever heard of dick cheese?
Chick #1: Get the fuck out of here.
Chick #2: It’s crud that grows under men’s foreskins.
Guy #2: You must date all Jewish guys.
Chick #2: Or Muslims.
Chick #1: I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Guy #1: Don’t you inspect a cock before you put it in your mouth?
Chick #1: I don’t put cocks in my mouth.
Guy #2: Which explains why she’s here playing Scrabble on a Saturday night.
Guy #1: You don’t give blow jobs? Honestly?
Chick #1: No.
Guy #2: Why not? You’re an attractive adult woman.
Chick #1: I think it’s gross.
Guy #1: Maybe she tried it once and the guy had smegma.
Chick #2, taking hand of Chick #1: Come with me and I’ll explain. [They leave the room, and Chick #2 comes back alone minutes later] Let’s go. She doesn’t feel like playing any more.
Guy #2: First no blow jobs, now no Scrabble. She’s really painting herself into a corner.
Guy #1: Before we get lost in all these other issues, I get 42 points for ‘smegma.’ –Scrabble party, 34th & 2nd Overheard by: Big Larry

Yes, It Was a Sex Thing.

Annoying tween: Oh my god, my dad made me use this, like, Salon brand shampoo. Oh my god, look at this volume! There's nothing! (two friends nod) And, guess what? It also smells like llama spit! (two friends look confused) You want to know how I know what llama spit smells like? My dad once got spat on in the face by a llama! –1 Train Overheard by: Lily

The Au Jus Of Wednesday One-Liners

11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It's like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices! –Tompkins Square Park Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit! –90th St & 2nd Ave Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I'm not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over) –D Train Overheard by: seat changer Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck. –W 23rd Street Overheard by: Cool and Dry Little girl: I don't like boys! They're mean and they sweat a lot! –2nd & Ave A Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I'm dripping cum! –Hester & Allen Overheard by: lower east side

Wednesday One-Liners Feel Like a Woman or Whatever

Asian girl: A tranny spat and peed on me last night… so I guess I'm okay. –Screaming MiMi's Boutique Overheard by: Nancy Gay guy, after woman bumps into him: Did you just step on my vagina? –A Train College boy: So then I woke up and realized I was next to a tranny… –Manhattan College "Girl" sitting at the door: My panties are too small to hold my dick in. –Williamsburg Catholic school girl, carrying large backpack, to friend: I'm looking forward to leaving this bathroom a guy. A very effeminate guy, but still a guy. –Bathroom, Barnes & Noble Overheard by: Innocent Bathroom-goer

Not Another Teen Wednesday One-Liner

High school girl: She banged some dude with no condom during her period, then she blew another guy after the basketball game. –Panera, Queens Overheard by: NBG1 Teen: My health teacher always yells at me for being late. Shouldn't she be, like, sustaining my self-esteem? –Green Apple Cafe Overheard by: Julie Hippie teenager leaving bathroom: When I see you all later, I will not have any idea who the hell you are! –Nokia Theater, Times Square Overheard by: dan Teenage girl to cute guy, after spitting on door window: I have a bad habit of spittin'. –E Train Overheard by: MrsBall Teenager to crying little brother: Shut up! Stop it or I'll take away your ShamWow! –Times Square Overheard by: JYC Teenage boy on cell: I won't cock-block! (pause) I won't cock-block! –E 77th St & 1st Ave Overheard by: Steve G