Annoying tween: Oh my god, my dad made me use this, like, Salon brand shampoo. Oh my god, look at this volume! There's nothing! (two friends nod) And, guess what? It also smells like llama spit! (two friends look confused) You want to know how I know what llama spit smells like? My dad once got spat on in the face by a llama!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Lily
Archive for the ‘Smegma’ Category
Terminal Velocity's for Losers
Student #1: If we spit at the same time they'll hit the rail at the same time.
Student #2: No way! My spit will beat your spit down, no problem!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Joseph Durning
And Talk Nice to the Lock
Barnard girl #1: Help! My key won't penetrate the lock.
Barnard girl #2: Just spit on it.
–Barnard College
The Au Jus Of Wednesday One-Liners
11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It's like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!
–Tompkins Square Park
Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!
–90th St & 2nd Ave
Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I'm not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)
–D Train
Overheard by: seat changer
Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.
–W 23rd Street
Overheard by: Cool and Dry
Little girl: I don't like boys! They're mean and they sweat a lot!
–2nd & Ave A
Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I'm dripping cum!
–Hester & Allen
Overheard by: lower east side
Wednesday One-Liners Feel Like a Woman or Whatever
Asian girl: A tranny spat and peed on me last night… so I guess I'm okay.
–Screaming MiMi's Boutique
Overheard by: Nancy
Gay guy, after woman bumps into him: Did you just step on my vagina?
–A Train
College boy: So then I woke up and realized I was next to a tranny…
–Manhattan College
"Girl" sitting at the door: My panties are too small to hold my dick in.
–Williamsburg
Catholic school girl, carrying large backpack, to friend: I'm looking forward to leaving this bathroom a guy. A very effeminate guy, but still a guy.
–Bathroom, Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Innocent Bathroom-goer
Ever Wonder What Really Happens When You Press the “Easy” Button?
Drunk white girl, walking past Staples: Ohmigod! I remember last summer when a guy spit on me at staples!
Drunk white boy: What? A Staples?
Drunk white girl: Yes, it was that Staples!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kiara
…Which Isn't Degrading If She Likes It.
Girl: She doesn't have sex.
Gay guy: Ugh. Why not? She looks like a dirty whore.
Girl: I don't know…
Gay guy: Like the kind of whore you'd spit on after cumming on her face.
–Bryant Park
Not Another Teen Wednesday One-Liner
High school girl: She banged some dude with no condom during her period, then she blew another guy after the basketball game.
–Panera, Queens
Overheard by: NBG1
Teen: My health teacher always yells at me for being late. Shouldn't she be, like, sustaining my self-esteem?
–Green Apple Cafe
Overheard by: Julie
Hippie teenager leaving bathroom: When I see you all later, I will not have any idea who the hell you are!
–Nokia Theater, Times Square
Overheard by: dan
Teenage girl to cute guy, after spitting on door window: I have a bad habit of spittin'.
–E Train
Overheard by: MrsBall
Teenager to crying little brother: Shut up! Stop it or I'll take away your ShamWow!
–Times Square
Overheard by: JYC
Teenage boy on cell: I won't cock-block! (pause) I won't cock-block!
–E 77th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Steve G
Wednesday One-Liners Make Digital Records Of Their Humiliation
Stoned girl to tourists filming and photographing ads outside M&M store: It's an advertisement, people!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Alice
Hot woman in suit to unsuspecting family buying a knock-off purse: Don't buy that shit, you stupid fucking tourists!
–44th & 6th Ave
Overheard by: would never buy that shit
NYC punk to tourist bus: Hey, tourists! Welcome to New York! {short pause} Fuck you!
–8th & Broadway
Young thug to friend: Man, if I told you once, then I be telling you a million times. You from New York, fool. In New York, you don't be going giving no tourists directions! If they say, "where's the Empire State Building at?" you spit on them and walk the other way! Now don't you go make me be telling you again! I've had enough of you and yo' foolish ways. (couple wearing "I (heart) New York" t-shirts inch away nervously)
–Union Square
Overheard by: Glad I had a map
Suit with southern accent: Nah! That library has too many tourists.
–51 & Lexington
Overheard by: Miriam
The Misunderestimated Phraseoids of Wednesday One-Liners
Blonde chick to dude: Isn't he, like, koreish?
–F Train
Dude on cell: It's not even like a relationship, it's all texting, it's a textationship.
–22nd & 1st
Overheard by: loves it
Girl on cell: She was all slippy and shit.
–SoHo
Student to another: The trouble with you is that you got the wrong misconception.
–Broadway & 116th
Overheard by: Cousin Al
Mom, upon examining young son's pruney toes: Jake! What's wrong with your toe? Look, the skin is coming off, it's like you're molding! Just like a little bird! Your foot is molding!
–Prep School Swimming Pool
Overheard by: I dream of Jean
Teen on payphone: Listen! Mah words isn't what I'm sayin!
–Fulton & Broadway
Overheard by: Mondo Man
Woman on cell: You thought he was gonna shit on you? Sit? Spit? You gonna need to step up your English game.
–Fulton Street Subway Station
Overheard by: Johnny Twisto