Archive for the ‘Smegma’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Make Digital Records Of Their Humiliation

Stoned girl to tourists filming and photographing ads outside M&M store: It's an advertisement, people! –Times Square Overheard by: Alice Hot woman in suit to unsuspecting family buying a knock-off purse: Don't buy that shit, you stupid fucking tourists! –44th & 6th Ave Overheard by: would never buy that shit NYC punk to tourist bus: Hey, tourists! Welcome to New York! {short pause} Fuck you! –8th & Broadway Young thug to friend: Man, if I told you once, then I be telling you a million times. You from New York, fool. In New York, you don't be going giving no tourists directions! If they say, "where's the Empire State Building at?" you spit on them and walk the other way! Now don't you go make me be telling you again! I've had enough of you and yo' foolish ways. (couple wearing "I (heart) New York" t-shirts inch away nervously) –Union Square Overheard by: Glad I had a map Suit with southern accent: Nah! That library has too many tourists. –51 & Lexington Overheard by: Miriam

The Misunderestimated Phraseoids of Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde chick to dude: Isn't he, like, koreish? –F Train Dude on cell: It's not even like a relationship, it's all texting, it's a textationship. –22nd & 1st Overheard by: loves it Girl on cell: She was all slippy and shit. –SoHo Student to another: The trouble with you is that you got the wrong misconception. –Broadway & 116th Overheard by: Cousin Al Mom, upon examining young son's pruney toes: Jake! What's wrong with your toe? Look, the skin is coming off, it's like you're molding! Just like a little bird! Your foot is molding! –Prep School Swimming Pool Overheard by: I dream of Jean Teen on payphone: Listen! Mah words isn't what I'm sayin! –Fulton & Broadway Overheard by: Mondo Man Woman on cell: You thought he was gonna shit on you? Sit? Spit? You gonna need to step up your English game. –Fulton Street Subway Station Overheard by: Johnny Twisto

Wednesday One-Liners Aren't Just Poor, They're Po'

Preppy guy: They say beggars can't be choosers, which makes sense, because we're choosers. –Madison Square Park Overheard by: Annie Red Table change collector guy: Help feed the homeless of New York! All it takes is a penny and a heart, you fucking assholes. –Times Square Overheard by: Bemused Girl to friend: I thought of you the other day; I saw a homeless man's penis. –Lucky Jack's, Orchard St. Overheard by: Argopelter Horny dude (after being rejected by a girl at the bar): I asked her if she wanted a drink and she gave me the look that I give to homeless people on the subway. –79th & Broadway Guy to girl sitting at a sidewalk cafe: I know, what is with her? She dresses like a homeless person. And not Mary-Kate Olsen homeless but I-think-I-saw-her-passed-out-in-an-alleyway-with-a-heroin-needle-sticking-out-of-her-arm- homeless. –10th St & 2nd Ave Girl, to guy who has just spat on floor: Don't do that! Homeless people sleep there! –6 Train Station

What Do You Put on Your Ritz?

Teen girl #1: I broke up with him because of his smegma. It was out of control.
Teen girl #2: What the fuck?
Teen girl #1: He had severe dick cheese.
Teen girl #2, loudly: Wait — so he had cheese growing on his dick?! Ewww!
Man next to them, laughing: Where are the crackers when you need ’em, eh? –Roosevelt Ave station