Woman on cell, loudly: No, no, my baby's getting fixed that day! –5th Ave Yuppie thug in three-piece suit, loudly on cell while riding escalator: So you sayin' it's mines? How you know it's mines? Naw naw, how you know? Bitch, kiss my ass! If they ain't been no muh-fuckin DNA test, then they ain't been no baby sprung up outta my dick! I ain't no adoption agency! –Borders, Penn Station Overheard by: IJustWanttoBrowseMadonna'sBrother'sTell-AllinPeace 20-something male on cell: What did I tell you about having sex with people who have babymama problems? That's why I gave up my crush on Bristol Palin. –110th & Broadway Overheard by: Topical Black lady with stroller: Ohhh, no. All y'all are not fitting into this car. Stop pushin' up on my baby. Y'all need to back that shit up now. (baby starts crying) What do you want? What do you want? Are you having hot flashes? Cause I know I am. Jesus! –Downtown 6 Train Overheard by: Alie Black woman: Of all his babymamas, why he alway bothering her? He has all these babymamas and he's always bugging her. She must still be puttin' out. –34th & Broadway Very young pregnant woman purchasing cigarettes on: What the hell kind of difference does what you eat have on what kind of baby you have? –Nostrand & Dean, Crown Heights Overheard by: Siobhan
Hobo: Sir, can I trouble you for a cigarette?
Suit #1: Yeah no problem, man.
Hobo: Have a light, too?
Suit #1: Sure.
Hobo: Thanks, man… get the FUCK outta my face!
Suit #2: Only in NYC, man… –Bryant Park Overheard by: Rob
Girl: Can I get a pack of Camels, please?
Cashier guy: Sure…Need a lighter?
Girl: No, thanks.
Cashier guy: Matches?
Girl: I’m all set.
Cashier guy: Receipt?
Cashier guy: A bag?
Girl: Can I get the fuck out of your store, please? –Duane Reade, 53rd & 8th
Older woman: Smoking is a sin!
Young pretty girl, looking perturbed: Yeah? (takes a long drag) So is being ugly. –54th & 3rd Overheard by: LeatherJacket
Queer: Can I bum a cigarette? I’m about to get my dick wet.
Flamboyant queer: That’s something straight people say.
Queer: Can I bum a cigarette? I’m about to get my dick stinky. –Soho Overheard by: Daniel Scott
Dad: I won't tell mommy about the donut you're eating if you don't tell mommy about the cigarette I'm about to smoke.
Daughter: Okay. –Coffee Shop, Park Slope
Hipster girl on cell: Yeah, we’re just gonna smoke some hookah and watch the freshmen. They’re really entertaining. –Columbia University Hobo exiting trashcan and shooting smoking pedestrian a dirty look: That smells disgusting. Smoking is such a nasty habit! [Stalks off.] –10th & Broadway Overheard by: firefry Lady: … And she’s just the most adorable child! I mean, she has these angelic features and then the voice of a 40-year-old smoker. –College Walk, Columbia University Bimbette to friend: They were, like, giving me a bunch of shit since I’m pregnant and still smoking. I was like, ‘It only causes low birth weight. What’s the big deal?!’ –6 train Overheard by: Drew Conductor: A reminder, folks — no smoking in the restrooms. You know who you are. –Amtrak to Boston
Woman #1: Any time she needs a cigarette, she comes to me.
Woman #2: Uh-huh.
Woman #1: And I be, like, when I need a cigarette, why ain't your monkey-ass never have none? –Marcy & Fulton, Brooklyn
Smoking hobo: Hey man, can I get a cigarette?
Smoking man: You're already smoking one.
Smoking hobo: Gotta plan for the future!
Smoking man: Now you wanna plan? –12th St & 1st Ave Overheard by: Jay
Tourist choir dude: You'll have to smoke.
Tourist choir chick: No, I won't.
Tourist choir dude: Yes, you have to smoke if you live here. –Broadway & Wall St Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster