Archive for the ‘Smoking’ Category

Kids Say the Darndest Wednesday One-Liners

Seven-year-old white boy in huge afro wig, screaming: Peace out, smokers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my autograph? –Playground, Houston St, Soho Little boy with broken arm: I just won eight gold medals! –Pier 46, Hudson River Park Overheard by: skeptical james Three-year-old boy: The night… why does it hurt? –Flushing Playground Six-year-old girl waiting for parents to pay the check, chanting: Hun-ger! Hun-ger! Hun-ger! –Chinese Restaurant, Park Slope Overheard by: Kendra Little boy walking towards LIRR at rush-hour: How are we going to get through all of this? –Penn Station Overheard by: i feel the same way Four-year-old boy: I gotta feelin… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good good night! –Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square Overheard by: wooohoooo Little girl, in Cro-Magnon section of museum: Mommy, you must have known these people. They look like you! –American Museum of Natural History

Wednesday One-Liners: The Forgotten Borough

Girl on cell: He's thinking of moving to Queens, and really I don't think we're going to be able to last through that. –1 New York Plaza Pretty 20-something on phone: So, I mean, I totally have a newfound appreciation for homicidal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ugly fag from Queens? Seriously, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime? –Wall Street Overheard by: …I almost asked 30-something suit to another: I'll tell you though, it's not easy getting laid in Queens. –Court St. & Montague Overheard by: Kaiti Enthusiastic, articulate conductor: As you can see, we're at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo welcome to Queens! The next and final stop on this train is Courthouse Square. Now that we all know, let's be on our way! –G Train Overheard by: I wish this guy narrated all of my subway trips Girl's in Queens for the first time: you can order milkshakes and cigarettes from the diner any time of night? This place is a fucking wonderland! –Queens

Tell You What. You Can Do It Inside If You Seal Yourself in a Plastic Bag

Catholic school girl #1: This is totally a third person situation right now, but I really think that some people are discriminatory against smokers. I mean, we really shouldn’t have go outside to smoke. What, are you going to ask a girl with Tourette’s to go spaz outside?
Catholic school girl #2: Did you actually just compare smoking to Tourette Syndrome? –Convent of the Sacred Heart Overheard by: Overachiever catholic school girl

Wednesday One-Liners Clean Everything Up Before Their Parents Get Back

Black woman in trashy outfit: And he said "But the party just started, bitch, I'll take you in a few hours!" and I was like, "Nigga please! My water just broke!" –Lower East Side Asian bimbo on cell: I just spoke to Percy and allegedly they threw a party after we were fired, to celebrate us getting fired…but we're people too. –181 & St Nicholas Overheard by: must not have liked you Hipster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the cobra snake at a party, with a cig in my hand and Paul* between my thighs. –NYU Dorm Overheard by: Dayn Tattooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I'm bringing a 250-foot Slip 'N Slide! –7th & 13th St Overheard by: can I come to that party? Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why didn't you invite to your party? Damn…c'mon! Remember that time the chick in a wheelchair was working us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheelchair! Remember we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That's right–that was me! She was giving us both head. –BBQ Restroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea 20-something woman: Wait…when is it a rule to give the host a handjob? –Museum of Natural History Overheard by: Jazz

You Should Take That As a Sign to Fuck Me

Fashionista queer: Excuse me, could I bum a cigarette?
Rocker queer: Sorry, I don't smoke. But you should take that as a sign to quit! It's bad for you!
Fashionista queer: Who cares, I'm skinny! –Cafeteria, 17th & 7th Overheard by: Nellee

Wednesday Sung Liners

Metalhead, playing guitar and singing: Buy some fuckin' poptarts /buy some fuckin' weed/ buy some fuckin' cigarettes/buy everything you need! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: j Singing hobo pushing cart: I am wiiiise. I am wise! –Union Square Station Overly flamboyant gay guy, singing: I kissed a girl and I liked iiiit. (swishes hips while walking) –11th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Mal Sullivan Singing gay guy to another, clapping hands in rhythm: You look like a cunt, you act like a cunt, you smell like a cunt, you feel like a cunt… –2 Train Overheard by: drew Hobo, getting into train and taking out electric guitar and amp: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please! This song is for the white lady with the orange pocketbook. She reminds me of Martha Stewart…when she got out of jail. (starts singing) 3 train white lady is my girl, my girl, my girl! –Downtown 3 Train Overheard by: Jingles Little girl in stroller, singing happily: Doe, a deer, a hee-hale deer. Ray, a drop of golden pee-pee… –E Train


Cute blonde: So, Mike is going back to his ex-girlfriend.
Cute redhead: Ewww! Why? He's a moron. This is exactly why my new year's resolution is to become a cutter and start smoking again.
Cute blonde: Seriously, I'm ready to slice my shit.
Cute redhead: Oh! We should we bedazzle our razor blades.
Cute blonde: Yes! I'm putting hearts on mine. You know, in the name of love. –W Broadway & Spring