Archive for the ‘Smoking’ Category

A Carton of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: I’m getting on the train now, so I’ll be there soon. Just wait for me on the corner and smoke something. –Times Square Overheard by: Devon Smoker chick: I lose lighters like I lose men. –Central Park Overheard by: RENThead Nerd: I don’t even like smoking. I just like feeling like an arrogant jerk. –LIRR to Penn Station Overheard by: Heather Baharestani Man to friends: I mean, I don’t know about him. He doesn’t play sports, he doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs… What kind of a life is that? –Manhattan-bound M train Overheard by: amazed Hipster: The Statue of Liberty would be so much cooler if she had a cigarette. –D train Overheard by: dianora

Sadly, That’s the Best Offer I’ve Had All Year

Fanboy #1: Man, I hope we have time to get drinks at the bar. And a smoke, I could use a smoke.
Fanboy #2: This is crazy. A line for the men’s room — I can’t believe all the urinals are taken. Man, I gotta piss. Say, do you want to share one?
Fanboy #1, horrified: A urinal?!
Fanboy #2, quickly: No! A drink! –New World Stages

Kids Say the Darndest Wednesday One-Liners

Seven-year-old white boy in huge afro wig, screaming: Peace out, smokers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my autograph? –Playground, Houston St, Soho Little boy with broken arm: I just won eight gold medals! –Pier 46, Hudson River Park Overheard by: skeptical james Three-year-old boy: The night… why does it hurt? –Flushing Playground Six-year-old girl waiting for parents to pay the check, chanting: Hun-ger! Hun-ger! Hun-ger! –Chinese Restaurant, Park Slope Overheard by: Kendra Little boy walking towards LIRR at rush-hour: How are we going to get through all of this? –Penn Station Overheard by: i feel the same way Four-year-old boy: I gotta feelin… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good night… that tonight's gonna be a good good night! –Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square Overheard by: wooohoooo Little girl, in Cro-Magnon section of museum: Mommy, you must have known these people. They look like you! –American Museum of Natural History

Wednesday One-Liners: The Forgotten Borough

Girl on cell: He's thinking of moving to Queens, and really I don't think we're going to be able to last through that. –1 New York Plaza Pretty 20-something on phone: So, I mean, I totally have a newfound appreciation for homicidal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ugly fag from Queens? Seriously, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime? –Wall Street Overheard by: …I almost asked 30-something suit to another: I'll tell you though, it's not easy getting laid in Queens. –Court St. & Montague Overheard by: Kaiti Enthusiastic, articulate conductor: As you can see, we're at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo welcome to Queens! The next and final stop on this train is Courthouse Square. Now that we all know, let's be on our way! –G Train Overheard by: I wish this guy narrated all of my subway trips Girl's in Queens for the first time: you can order milkshakes and cigarettes from the diner any time of night? This place is a fucking wonderland! –Queens

Tell You What. You Can Do It Inside If You Seal Yourself in a Plastic Bag

Catholic school girl #1: This is totally a third person situation right now, but I really think that some people are discriminatory against smokers. I mean, we really shouldn’t have go outside to smoke. What, are you going to ask a girl with Tourette’s to go spaz outside?
Catholic school girl #2: Did you actually just compare smoking to Tourette Syndrome? –Convent of the Sacred Heart Overheard by: Overachiever catholic school girl

Wednesday One-Liners Clean Everything Up Before Their Parents Get Back

Black woman in trashy outfit: And he said "But the party just started, bitch, I'll take you in a few hours!" and I was like, "Nigga please! My water just broke!" –Lower East Side Asian bimbo on cell: I just spoke to Percy and allegedly they threw a party after we were fired, to celebrate us getting fired…but we're people too. –181 & St Nicholas Overheard by: must not have liked you Hipster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the cobra snake at a party, with a cig in my hand and Paul* between my thighs. –NYU Dorm Overheard by: Dayn Tattooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I'm bringing a 250-foot Slip 'N Slide! –7th & 13th St Overheard by: can I come to that party? Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why didn't you invite to your party? Damn…c'mon! Remember that time the chick in a wheelchair was working us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheelchair! Remember we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That's right–that was me! She was giving us both head. –BBQ Restroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea 20-something woman: Wait…when is it a rule to give the host a handjob? –Museum of Natural History Overheard by: Jazz