Archive for the ‘Smoking’ Category

No Meal Is Complete Without Wednesday One-Liner!

Suit: Guess what he found. (pause) A stick of butter. (pause) In the soap dish of the bathtub upstairs.

–Cafe Toda, Broadway & John St

Loud teenage boy: They're completely uncivilized. They don't even use tomato sauce.

–Japan Society

Overheard by: Sunny

Student, about dorm room: I walk in and thought there was a pile of shit on my bed. I look a little closer, and it was a fucking wad of dip.

–College, The Bronx

Student to another: Who made you the butter police?

–Union & 7th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lauren Razzore

Is Christopher Walken a Wednesday One-Liner?

Guy in white shirt and tie: So what, so what if the aliens landed in Brooklyn? And they start shooting their guns, their laser guns on the corner, in the candy store? What then? Do we just let them in the shelter?

–John Jay College of Criminal Justice

Crazy guy: I am an alien from outer space! I have crash landed on your planet! This is our language! (saxophone solo)

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Conductor: We will be stopped at the next station for ten minutes. You are not allowed to exit the train, so that means no smoke breaks or bathroom trips. If you do get off of the train you will be abducted by aliens and never heard from again.

–Amtrak Train, Penn station

Overheard by: Madge

Hobo to teen girls: Can you spare some change for a space man? I wanna get drunk later.

–94th St & Broadway