Archive for the ‘Soho’ Category

A Meeting of the Spring Street Young Republicans Club

Guy #1: Women should be kept in pods like in The Matrix. And whenever we want one, we just pay a fee and rent them for a few days for sex and cooking. Then we put them back. They shouldn't be allowed to walk the streets…ever.
Guy #2: Or they should be put in a one big room where they sew and cook and sip tea until they get a call.
Guy #1: Yeah, that's a bit more humane, I guess.

–Spring & Varick

It's the Great Wednesday One-Liner, Charlie Brown

Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts.

–A Train

Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season?

–Halloween Adventure

Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples!

–35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: kathcom

Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony!

–Downtown 6 Train

Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls.

–Downtown 6 train

Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: J. Ra

Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies.

–Soho

Overheard by: Edan

Who Was That Masked Man?

Beer buddy #1: I have a question. You know how there are plenty of girls who won’t do oral or anal sex, right?
Beer buddy #2: No girl who I’d waste any time with, but yeah. So?
Beer buddy #1: So, statistically there must be some homosexual guys who won’t do oral or anal sex, right? I mean, just by the law of averages, there must be, right?
Beer buddy #2: So? Is this leading to some kind of hypothesis?
Beer buddy #1: Well, if a gay guy isn’t into oral or anal sex, where does he fit into the gay community?
Beer buddy #3: He could do a lot of other things. He could let other guys piss into his mouth, he could jack off onto other guys, he could do circle jerks, he could be a bukkake boy… There’s lots of stuff he could do.
Beer buddy #1: Oh, yeah. I never thought of that.
Queer at next table, getting up to leave: He could also be fitted with a leather hood, suspended from the ceiling, and taught discipline. If you want to know more, here’s my card.

–Bar, Soho

Overheard by: Big Larry

Wednesday One-Liners Hope for Conjugal Visits

Trench coat guy on cell: Are they arresting you?

–72nd & West End

Overheard by: orlum

Woman rushing inside: Oh my god! I was almost an eyewitness to something!

–Viacom building, 44th & Broadway

Overheard by: bonster

Man on cell: I’m sorry to bother you, but I really don’t wanna go to jail…

–S 2nd & Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Are All Criminals So Polite?

Guy: That’s so true! He’ll willingly go to jail just for the free sex!

–Union Square Park

Chick toting a baby: Yeah, but I ain’t qualify fo’ that ’cause of all them felonies I got.

–Ridgewood, Queens

Overheard by: Grytsayo

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Pleasantly Plump”

Guy on phone: That's not the problem, straight guys who are fatter than me get laid all the time.

–Time Warner Center

Man on cell: Of course I'll recognize you! Unless you got fat!

–Sheep's Meadow, Central Park

Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You better not bring her here.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: fellow fatass

Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She's real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store!

–W Broadway & Spring

Overheard by: JR

Fat chick: Do not tell me I'm not a size 4!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Rich H

The Black Flag is at Half-mast

Guy #1: You do such dumb shit.
Guy #2: I do not.
Guy #1: Well, what about that E-trades tattoo on your leg?
Guy #2: I’m hardcore! –1 train Chick: Sell-out by day…
Suit: Shut up, okay? Whatever pays the bills. –CBGBs, The Bowery Overheard by: Sarah Royal Drunk guy on cell: Dude, that’s crap, you gotta live hardcore! –Williamsburg Overheard by: Kate Elizabeth Teen girl: Man this sucks. Where are all the punks? –8th & Broadway Overheard by: Mary Chick: Darryl doesn’t even know what hardcore is, first off. He was all, “What, is that like some kind of porn?”. –2nd & A Overheard by: Kira Punk girl: Fight bureaucracy!
Suit: You’re not the boss of me. –Leonard between Broadway & Church Overheard by: Lakini Malich