Archive for the ‘Soho’ Category

“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Wednesday One-Liner”

Hobo to female passerby (singing): Pretty woman, walking down the street/Pretty woman, eating a hamburger…

–Wendy's, Union Square

Overheard by: Hungry Bystander

Salesgirl to another: You look pretty today…for a little Filipino girl.

–American Eagle, SoHo

Overheard by: Holly

Loud hobo walking through crowded train: Lots of beautiful ladies on this train. Beautiful white ladies. Beautiful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-looking girl) Do you wear makeup? You shouldn't. You don't need it, you are so beautiful. If you have any makeup, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ugly.

–Downtown 4 Train

50-something woman to pretty 20-something girl: I just wanted you to know that our husbands over there think you are one of the most beautiful girls they have ever seen. So now our husbands are going to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be thinking of you during, but thanks to you I am going to have an orgasm tonight, so thank you for being so gorgeous.

–Boat Basin Cafe

Overheard by: Megan W.

Guy on iPhone: You think because you're pretty you can get away with that shit. Well, you're wrong! You can get away with that shit because you're rich!

–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

Just Means I Won't Give You This Exploding Apple

Crazy hobo, looking up from intense argument with imaginary friend: Excuse me, sir!
Confused suit: Uh, yeah?
Crazy hobo: What kind of teacher are you?
Confused suit: Teacher?
Crazy hobo: Yes, what subject do you teach?
Confused suit: But, um, I'm not a teacher…
Crazy hobo: Oh. Well, that's alright. Don't think I was criticizing you. I guess it's alright if you're not a teacher. I wasn't insulting you!

–6th & Spring

Overheard by: Heather

When You Realize Your Pain Is Self-Inflicted

Teen girl: Something must have gone wrong during her wax.
Teen boy: What was it?
Teen girl: I don’t know. She was, like, crying. And she hasn’t gotten another wax. I just don’t get it.
Teen boy: Sucks for her.
Teen girl: Seriously.

–Broadway & Prince

Overheard by: still speechless

Wednesday One-Liners Is People!

Little girl to mother: I like the way you taste.

–SoHo

Overheard by: nicky d

Dude on cell: Mice are cannibalizing other mice? Oh, god, that’s awful!

–7 train, Queens

Overheard by: Anthony

Goth chick to another: I don’t care, I am not eating Matthew’s mother’s flesh!

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Me neither

Ghetto dude: Heh, heh… Heh… Fried nigga-fingers!

–13th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Rebecca Odorisio

Ghetto girl to two others: He said he was gonna marinate me for a while… Yes, he did!

–Manhattan-bound E train

Overheard by: Julz

Chick on cell: We’ll never run for office on the conservative Christian ticket now that we’ve discussed eating fetuses with teriyaki sauce.

–Harlem