Girl on cell, looking up: I don't know, nigga! I'm standin' in fronna some ancient castle or some shit.
–Wall St & William St
Southern guy on cell: No, seriously, there's shade on the side of the streets here! (pause) No… No, I know. (pause) I'm sitting on a bench, outside, in the shade!
–Central Park
Locationally-challenged woman on cell: I'm on the street, kinda near Blockbuster?
–Blockbuster, Broadway & 9th
Girl on cell: I'm not sure where I am, everything is Asian.
–Bakery, Chinatown
Middle-aged woman on cell: We're in Soho, and he has a three-legged dog.
–Bowery & Spring
Overheard by: Kaze
Archive for the ‘Soho’ Category
That's a Subway Map, Dude.
College guy: I have 100 maps in my bag.
Friend: Why?
College guy: I found a treasure map… For treasure maps.
–Spring St & Crosby
Overheard by: Sean Curry
I'll Split It With You, Ma
Young woman to old woman with walker: They're excellent! But they're fifteen dollars.
Old woman with walker, straightening up: For one sandwich?!
–Houston St
Overheard by: Stephie
Make Womb for Wednesday One-Liners
Suit on phone: I don't think she knows. (pause) But it's just a night job! (pause) No, there's no way I'm pregnant. (pause) Why not?! Because I'm a man, goddammit!
–Starbucks
Woman on cell: So remember that time I thought I had that miscarriage?
–Grand Concourse & Fordham Road
Overheard by: Erica S
Slightly overweight girl: Thank you for the offer, sweetie, but I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat!
–M100 Bus
Overheard by: Tinathetiny
Tall girl on cell: No way! I thought *you* were going to impregnate *me*. I wanna have *your* children.
–Prince & Broadway
Overheard by: Ken Paprocki
Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Gravy
20-something girl to another: You know, with most of the other saints, the way they met their demise had no entertainment value!
–Morningside Heights
Woman to guy, nodding thoughtfully: Hell, no, I'm not going to jail! I don't care if he killed him, he's not gonna kill me too!
–Crown Heights
Grandpa wearing Brooklyn dodgers cap to grandson: Listen to me! Are you listening to me? The last two guys who didn't listen to me ended up dead with their heads blown off! Is that what you want? (pause) So… You hungry?
–IKEA Parking, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Gene D. Gray
30-something guy: If I were 28, in great shape, and everyone loved me, I wouldn't just be in trouble with the law, I'd be dead.
–Mooncake Foods, Soho
Overheard by: Robert
Crazy Puerto Rican with wild poodle: Mira! Mira! Cancel the fucking casket–she ain't dead yet, bitch! Mira!
–86th St & East End
I'm Too Sexy for My Wednesday One-Liners.
Comedian guy with flyer: Girl, you have some sexy nostrils!
–Broadway
Gay man to another: Next Halloween I am going to be a sexy tub of lard.
–Broadway & Spring
20-something hot girl on cell: So, like, Kristin was supposed to go as a water-boarding torture victim, which is hilarious, but then, she like, um, shows up as a *sexy* water-boarding torture victim, which is better than being, like, all gross and frumpy. But come on… that's not funny.
–Q Train
Creepy old man: When I was was a kid… Coney Island was hot! I mean "sexy." I mean it was… Bam!
–Neptune Ave
Overheard by: taylor
Girl on cell: It's really not like a sexy stabbing.
–Centre St
Abstract Expressionist Wednesday One-Liners
Woman sitting in front of bar with friends: I approached motherhood like I approached my art…
–9th St & Ave C
Overheard by: Juliet
Street artist to tourist: I don't have empathy, I paint empathy.
–Soho
Hipster arty type to another: She deserves to be roofied; her prints are horrible.
–Pratt Institute
Hipster to another, at Georgia O'Keefe exhibit: That's a lot of vaginas.
–Whitney Museum
Four-year-old boy to father, at 17th century furniture room: This place gives me the creeps!
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Overheard by: Me too
Mother to child: I seen that picture you did of that boy kissing that girl. (pause) Darren, your art shit is going far!
–Times Square
Wednesday One-Liners: Large and in Charge
Exhausted woman with backpack: Why do I have to be so fat?
–42nd St
Gossip Girl clone to another: Oh my god! Can you even imagine being obese in this weather?
–Lafayette & Spring
Skinny gangster white boy: Yo, dude, are we hanging out with those fat chicks?
–96th St & Lexington
Overheard by: great standards
Chubby girl yelling on cell: Yeah, and her bridesmaid dress totally accentuates my back fat–as if I didn't have enough problems!
–47th & 3rd
Wednesday One-Liner Ink
Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: Lyssa
Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t-shirt instead of on my chest and back.
–Prince & Lafayette
Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo?
–D Train
Overheard by: 4-dumb
Tourist grandmother to eight-year-old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy's new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Jas
Which Explains Sarah Jessica Parker.
Girl: Oh, lets go to Prada!
Guy: I hate Prada! Prada means not eating for a month!
–Outside Prada Store, SoHo