Archive for the ‘Soho’ Category

McCarthyism Is Now Easier Than Ever

Random hipster guy: So yeah, I’ve lived here forever and I don’t know any Russians. I really want to know one.
Farm stand sales girl: Really? That’s so funny! I just met one a few days ago at some bar. I think he gave me his number.
Random hipster guy: Awesome! Would you give me his number? I really want to know a Russian. I mean, I’m not gay or anything, I just want to know him. You wanna give me his number?
Farm stand sales girl: Sure, here.

–SoHo Farmer’s Market

Overheard by: Kate

U2?

Cute blonde: So, Mike is going back to his ex-girlfriend.
Cute redhead: Ewww! Why? He's a moron. This is exactly why my new year's resolution is to become a cutter and start smoking again.
Cute blonde: Seriously, I'm ready to slice my shit.
Cute redhead: Oh! We should we bedazzle our razor blades.
Cute blonde: Yes! I'm putting hearts on mine. You know, in the name of love.

–W Broadway & Spring

Raggedy Ann Got Soaked

Girl #1: How was babysitting yesterday?
Girl #2: Pretty good, but all of a sudden, in the middle of the park, the kid I was watching begins to breastfeed her doll… (silence) I'm not kidding.
Girl #1: Wow, that's fucked up.

–Barneys Co-Op, Spring St

Must Be a Booty Call

Drunk girl #1: God, I have to take a piss. I hope this chick hurries up. Phone rings. Drunk girl #2: Is that your phone? I love that ring. Who is it?
Drunk girl #1: It’s Richard. Who the fuck is Richard?
Drunk girl #2: Well, answer it and find out.
Drunk girl #1: I’m not answering if I don’t know who the fuck it is. They stare at each other and think real hard. Drunk Girl #1: OOHHH! Richard’s my dad. –Milady’s, Soho Overheard by: rhyno

Are There No Applebee's? Are All the Olive Gardens Full?

Woman at table: Ugh, I can't believe they would do that! It's so rude!
Friend: Who? What?
Woman: Bring a child out. (motions to screaming toddler two tables away)
Friend: Well, it's not like they farted or something.
Woman: Still, it's gross. This isn't Connecticut, and there should be laws–for everyone's safety!

–Dos Caminos, Soho

Overheard by: Tommy

“I'm Having a Wednesday One-Liner– And It's Yours!”

Man in floor-length green dress to passersby: How do you know if you're having a baby? It's by the way you lift your legs!

–8th & 34th

Guy to girlfriend: Just make sure you tell me if you're on antibiotics. I already got like three babies that way.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: It's how I got mine

Large black man: She was poppin' those babies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!

–Coney Island Broadwalk

Hobo woman yelling at random pregnant woman: I told you be careful with that belly! That baby's gonna die! It gonna die!

–Broadway & Liberty

Overheard by: CG

Man talking animatedly on cell: Yeah! Don't be surprised if the baby comes out with a hairy red ass!

–Spring Street, SoHo

Middle aged woman: Your baby wouldn't stop crying, so I put my tit in his mouth.

–W 12th & W 4th

Overheard by: michael diamond