Old Southern Man: …so I said, if yer stoopid, you shouldn’t try and show it; you should try and hide it. –Soho NYU Guy: I didn’t wear my moccasins today, Arthur, and I’m still freezing! –W. 13th St. Overheard by: Dan Winckler
Girl on cell, looking up: I don't know, nigga! I'm standin' in fronna some ancient castle or some shit.
–Wall St & William St
Southern guy on cell: No, seriously, there's shade on the side of the streets here! (pause) No… No, I know. (pause) I'm sitting on a bench, outside, in the shade!
Locationally-challenged woman on cell: I'm on the street, kinda near Blockbuster?
–Blockbuster, Broadway & 9th
Girl on cell: I'm not sure where I am, everything is Asian.
Middle-aged woman on cell: We're in Soho, and he has a three-legged dog.
–Bowery & Spring
Overheard by: Kaze
Guy selling Obama condoms: Yes, you can… get laid! Don't do the big apple without protection. Obama condoms, get them here!
Frumpy Southern tourist lady: Oh my god! They are actually condoms. That is my President's face. It does not belong on a condom.
Overheard by: Sam
Overweight middle aged Southern tourist pointing to approaching train: Where is this train going?
Semi-annoyed girl: Queens.
Tourist: Yeah, but where is that?
Quite-a-bit-annoyed girl: Queens.
Tourist: Yeah, but where is that?
Deflated girl: It's… Never mind.
Overheard by: Melanie C.
Female overweight Southern tourist #1, looking at city map: Oh my gosh! Look at how far we've walked today!
Female overweight Southern tourist #2: Yeah! We are, like, sooooo in shape!
–57th & 10th
Dog owner to another: Dogs are funny. They're like little retarded kids.
–Tompkins Square Park Dog Run
Guy on cell: She went from Debbie downer to Debbie Down Syndrome.
–62nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Timo Lipping
Dad: I thought she would like Carolina, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, "I liked the schools… But everyone there seemed slightly retarded."
–W 54th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Johnny V.
Southern woman who just ran NYC marathon to Southern friend: Well, we can't have a baby now because it would be retarded… because I'm 35, you know?
–Becco Restaurant, Theater District
Overheard by: mersayseh
Hipster on cell: Dude, yeah, coffee gives me the shits too; but I'd rather have the shits than no coffee.
Overheard by: Madalyn
Poet, selling self-published book on train: We're like Starbucks coffee and biscotti; you're tall and hot and I'm hard and nutty.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Marc
Little girl to mother: It's like every single person in the whole wide world came to Starbucks and we were the veeeerrrrryyy last ones.
Colonel Sanders-looking man, in strong Southern accent: I want somethin cold… Whadya git?
Man to woman: You wouldn't procreate with Boomer Esiason, even though he's the king of Cincinnati?
–Deli, Canal & Hudson
Overheard by: Uncle Bling
Man on cell: Elvis made ten million dollars last year and he's dead. There's no reason I can't make a thousand.
Hipster: I like Steve Buscemi a lot more than I like you.
–Life Cafe, Bushwick
Overheard by: D
Woman in Southern accent to man: Look, the McGraw-Hill building. Tim McGraw and Faith Hill must own that building!
–W 49th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Michael
Middle aged white man to friend: I finally figured it out. "Mystikal" sounds like a constipated Samuel L. Jackson.
Large female southern tourist: It'd be really funny if we got stuck on the toilet and couldn't get up. It'd be the whole "help! Get me off this toilet!" thing.
–Bathroom, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Tourist woman to husband: Where's that cop who was here a minute ago? He gave me the wrong directions, and I wanna cuss him out for it!
Overheard by: Deeds
Tourist: Is this the building where people go all crazy about the numbers?
–Outside New York Stock Exchange
Overheard by: Kyle
50-something tourist husband to wife, while they share bites of same apple: I don't know why we came to this city… We can't even afford breakfast.
–34th & 7th
Southern housewife #1, waiting for flight: Chinatown was scary–there was nooooobody that looked like us.
Southern housewives #2-#7: (all gasp)
Southern housewife #1: Noooooobody that looked like us!