Archive for the ‘Southerners’ Category

Nothing Fucking Happens in Alabama

Southern lady whining to friend in same bathroom stall: She has three kids now, and I’m not the godmother for any of them! But she’s the godmother for my kid… What the fuck is that? Y’know, the godparents are supposed to care for your kids if you die. I would never let her care for my kids.
Friend: This doesn’t happen in Alabama.

–40th & 6th

I Felt the Same Way about Sushi in El Paso

Southern tourist chick: I thought this city was supposed to be diverse. I haven’t seen the first Mexican or Mexican restaurant yet.
Southern tourist guy: I think it’s a different kind of diverse up here, honey.
Southern tourist chick: Well, all I know is that I want Mexican and there ain’t no place to get it.

–59th & 5th

Overheard by: Jonathan

There’s Very Little Sleeping Going On

Alabaman tourist: Do the trains run all night?
NY-er: Yes, they never close.
Alabaman tourist: Well, that’s good. We wanted to make sure we could get back from Times Square.
NY-er: Well, by New York standards it’s still early. It is only 9:30.
Alabaman tourist: Yeah, from where we’re from it’s late. We sleep with the roosters… Well, not literally.

–1/2/3 station, 72nd St

Overheard by: Debbie

Hates Any Group Whose Stereotype Is Smarter Than Her Own

NYC woman: We’re here!
Southern tourist bimbo: Laura, I thought we were here to get cheap fake purses?
NYC woman: We are — this is Chinatown.
Southern tourist bimbo: Why are there so many Chinese people?
NYC woman, slowly: This is Chinatown…
Southern tourist bimbo: Laura! You know I hate Chinese people!

–Canal St

Overheard by: The Wizard

I Thought It Would Be Harder to Teach Y’all Manners

Southern tourist: Is this Roosevelt Island?
NY woman: No, this is Roosevelt Avenue, in Queens.
Southern tourist: What? So it is Roosevelt Island?
NY woman: No, I said it is not Roosevelt Island. This is the Roosevelt Avenue stop. You are in Queens.
Southern tourist: I don’t understand, am I on Roosevelt Island?
Suit: Ma’am, you are in Queens right now, specifically, Roosevelt Avenue. Roosevelt Avenue is not the same as Roosevelt Island. If you want to be at Roosevelt Island, you have to take the train going in the other direction about three stops. Either way, get off the damn train and quit delaying the rest of us.
Southern tourist: Why won’t anybody answer my question?
NY woman: You know what? This is Roosevelt Island, we’re all wrong. Get off.
Southern tourist: Was that so hard?

–Roosevelt Avenue stop, F train

Overheard by: SandmanEsq