Archive for the ‘Southerners’ Category

What Day Do the Wednesday One-Liners Come Out?

Patron: Do these stairs go up?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Maura

Drunk White Sox fan to passerby: Hey, what time does Times Square close?

–Outside Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: giovanna

Dude at the next table: Is Long Island really an island?

–Peter Luger’s, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Yes, he really just said that

(girl sees poster for Army Wives and turns to friend)
Girl
: I don’t get that show. Are they married to army dudes or something?


–C Train

Southern lady: Empire State ReBuilding? Does that mean they’re moving it?

–33rd & 5th

Overheard by: Katie Mainc

You’re Not Getting Any Warmer, Dude

Drunk guy: Where are you from, man?
Random guy: Arizona.
Drunk guy: Arizona… Arizona, Nevada?
Random guy: No… Arizona, Arizona.
Drunk guy: Oh, but… Nevada is a section of Arizona right?
Random guy: No. Nevada is Nevada.
Drunk guy: I’ve been to Wisconsin.

–E Train

Overheard by: Noble Robinette

Wednesday One-Liners Are Already Spending Their Rebate Checks

Father to son: You see, women do the shopping, so you gotta go to a good store to find a good woman.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Trainspotter

Young boy to guy accompanying him: There are things that Americans can do better. We can burp a lot louder than Chileans. And we can spend a lot more money while shopping.

Tom Crean: Antarctic Explorer performance, Irish Repertory Theatre

Overheard by: Michael Baker

Dude to friend: … So every time he signs for a purchase on a credit card, he signs it ‘Not valid’ and Best Buy was the only store that ever caught it!

–Burns St, Forest Hills

Woman seeing old friend, and pointing to man beside her: Yeah, this is my new husband. He buys me Neiman Marcus. My old husband bought me Stein Mart.

–C train

Overheard by: Sarah F.

Valley girl tourist to street sweeper: Excuse me, where’s the mall?

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Really!

I Felt the Same Way about Sushi in El Paso

Southern tourist chick: I thought this city was supposed to be diverse. I haven’t seen the first Mexican or Mexican restaurant yet.
Southern tourist guy: I think it’s a different kind of diverse up here, honey.
Southern tourist chick: Well, all I know is that I want Mexican and there ain’t no place to get it.

–59th & 5th

Overheard by: Jonathan

There’s Very Little Sleeping Going On

Alabaman tourist: Do the trains run all night?
NY-er: Yes, they never close.
Alabaman tourist: Well, that’s good. We wanted to make sure we could get back from Times Square.
NY-er: Well, by New York standards it’s still early. It is only 9:30.
Alabaman tourist: Yeah, from where we’re from it’s late. We sleep with the roosters… Well, not literally.

–1/2/3 station, 72nd St

Overheard by: Debbie

Hates Any Group Whose Stereotype Is Smarter Than Her Own

NYC woman: We’re here!
Southern tourist bimbo: Laura, I thought we were here to get cheap fake purses?
NYC woman: We are — this is Chinatown.
Southern tourist bimbo: Why are there so many Chinese people?
NYC woman, slowly: This is Chinatown…
Southern tourist bimbo: Laura! You know I hate Chinese people!

–Canal St

Overheard by: The Wizard