Two-year-old boy to mom: And after dinner, it's butt-shaking time!
–Brooklyn Heights
Tot in stroller: Mommy, I want the tabouleh… Mommy! My tabouleh!
–Food Emporium
Little brother pestering older brother playing PSP: What do you like better, Nutella or A-Rod?
–Stanton Tailor Shop
Two-year-old, after falling to floor when train swerved: Mother, I resent that.
–G Train
Overheard by: Sunny
Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category
Watch Wednesday One-Liners' Noses Grow!
Chubby Midwestern woman on cell: Yeah, I'm at Saks Fifth Avenue right now.
–Burger King
Overheard by: willy cheesesteak
Guy on cell: Yeah, I'm heading west on 23rd.
–1st Ave
Overheard by: Angela
Suit on cell, pacing around fountain: Yeah, baby I'm so sick, I could barely get out of bed this morning, I dragged myself to the kitchen. Didn't go to work or anything. Yeah, I think I'm just going to try to sleep it off, tonight. Guess dinner's off, sorry.
–Central Park Fountain
Overheard by: Knows Suits on cells are always lying
Man on cell, entering subway station: Yeah, I'm going to my limousine now, I'll talk to you later.
–Subway, 66th & Broadway
Dude in hoodie on cell, exiting subway: No, baby, I can't–I'm in Manhattan. No, I'm in Manhattan!
–86th St & 4th Ave, Bay Ridge
Man in jeans purchasing Doritos, on cell: Dude, I can't talk right now, I'm running in the marathon. Call you back in a few hours?
–Duane Reade, 87th & York
Overheard by: Upper East Sider
Except Drunk, Confused Yankee Fans
Girl: I don't know why the express stops at Shea Stadium. No one ever gets off here.
Guy: True.
Girl: I mean I can understand if it's during the baseball season… Actually, even then no one gets off here.
–7 Train
The Original Cheetah Girl
Colleague #1: There is a girl in India with four legs.
Colleague #2: She'll be happy. She'll be able to wear more shoes.
Colleague #1: She can run fast.
–Office, Manhattan
New Yorkers Travel in Different Circles
Overweight bearded tourist: I bet they don't have any Nascar fans in this city!
Overweight moustached tourist: I haven't seen a single one!
–4 Train
Cue Neil Diamond
Cute but innocent 20-something: Guess where I'm going tonight?
Older female coworker: Oh, is tonight the night you're going out with the hockey team?
Cute but innocent 20-something: Yeah, I won a contest! I'm going to Pittsburgh on a bus with the Islanders.
Male coworker: And when you come back, you'll be a woman.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Big Larry
Perhaps These Breasts Will Answer Your Question
Guy to guy friend: Did you see the Giants game last night?
Girl, interrupting: I did! I am the biggest Giants fan ever! Like, seriously.
Guy: You're wearing a Jets jersey.
Girl: Ohh, I thought it was Giants, you know, the colors sometimes get confusing.
Guy: How do you confuse red and blue with green and white?
Girl: Uhhh…
–F Train
Wednesday One-Liners Got Game
Old queer on cell: Okay, well I'll be watching the Mets game, or the Jets game, whatever you call it… What do they call it when you men all sit together and can't talk?
–Broadway & 103rd St
Iranian tourist to street performer: We don't have a vote but we have a basketball team!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: RAR!
Subway conductor: This is the uptown "d" express train, making all express stops in Manhattan and The Bronx, including 161st Street, so the Yankees can host the Minnesota Twins. We'd like to welcome all Detroit Tigers fans riding with us–shame you couldn't bring your team.
–Uptown D Train
Female sports fan: A-Rod's back baby! Kate Hudson has a magic pussy!
–Pub, 45th & 3rd
Overheard by: Pub crawler
Teenage girl to group of attentive friends: If leprechauns could play basketball, they would.
–High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Pantless
Guy: Did you just tell your mom to jam out with her clam out?
Girl: My mom is fuckin awesome, she does keg stands and shit.
–Metro North Rail
Overheard by: John
Did the NBA Start Drafting White People?
White volunteer tutor from Princeton: So imagine I'm trying out for the basketball team…
Black student #1: You play basketball?
Black student #2: Do you play tennis?
Black student #1: That's racist!
–Public High School, Queens