Guy: No homo, but Derek Jeter has a pretty amazing ass. Probably the best ass in baseball.
Girl in front of him: Oh, it is not at all gay to appreciate Derek Jeter's ass. The New York Post once said it could stop traffic.
–Yankee Stadium
Archive for the ‘Sports’ Category
Psh, Girls Do That All the Time
College guy, running away: I wasn't cheating! That's how you play hide-and-seek!
Girl, running after him with baseball bat: You can't hide home base!
–North Woods, Central Park
Come on In– The Wednesday One-Liner Is Fine!
20-something chick: Sea captains doing table-service is never okay.
–A Train
Overheard by: Ladle
Lady on Bluetooth: Well, if you prove to everyone that your vagina is as wide as an ocean, then go ahead!
–Brooklyn
Teenage girl to friend: So, I heard back from the lifeguard application. (pauses, then utterly bewildered) I need to know how to swim!
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: totheworld
Loud woman on escalator: No, you don't get it. When you're under water, you're not wet.
–Queens Center Mall
Overheard by: Burning Vegan
Middle-aged man watching seven-year old swimming deftly in shallow end: Oh, yeah? Well, I can drive. Can you? My feet can touch the bottom. Can yours?
–CUNY Swim Class
Overheard by: obyun
Wait 'Til They Have Their Sex Conversation
Five-year-old kid: What's that?
Mom: That's baseball. Like on a Wii but in real life.
–Central Park & E 96th St
The Kind Of Advice Dr. Phil Wants to Give
Stressed fashionista to BFF: Do you know where I can get a decent elliptical machine for $600 for my apartment?
BFF: No. Have you tried Craigslist?
Stressed fashionista: Already tried Craigslist…maybe I just need a punching bag.
BFF: I know those are on Craigslist. Look under “personals” for “sub m looking for dominant f.”
–57th St & 6th Ave
Can't We Just Go to the Coma Ward and Throw Stuff at Grandma Again?
Park Slope dad: Do you know how to play dodgeball?
Eight-year-old son: No…
Park Slope dad: I throw the ball at you, and you try not to get hit.
Eight-year-old son: That doesn't sound like fun.
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Becka Dash
They Were Feeling Their Oats When We Played 'em
White hipster teen, about basketball team: So are you guys good?
White hipster friend: Yeah, dude! I mean, we win against like black schools and shit. We just beat Brooklyn Friends last week.
White hipster teen: Dude, Brooklyn Friends is not a black school! Brooklyn Friends is a Quaker school!
–60th St & Amsterdam
Hugs, Not Wednesday One-Liners
20-something to friend: If I didn't do so many drugs, I could probably afford to go skiing and shit like that.
–Williamsburg
Art school student: If I can stop doing heroin, I can do anything!
–Outside School of Visual Arts
Tourist guy to tourist friends: Yeah, I remember when he went to school on shrooms, and then he went to the principal and told him that he was on shrooms.
–40th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Bones Jones
Father to daughter: Don't say "no" to drugs. Say "no, thank you."
–45th St & 5th Ave
Blonde Catholic schoolgirl: Maybe after we pop the E we'll roll over to 149th Street.
–Q88 Bus
To Be Fair, It Was X-Treme Chess
Cashier chick: Yeah, I'm not sporty at all.
Hot cashier guy with snakebites: Oh, yeah, me either, the only sport I've ever played was chess.
–Urban Outfitters Store, NoHo
Overheard by: doesn't know how to play chess.
Do Wednesday One-Liners Get Published on Saturdays?
Boss: Wait, can I ask a city girl question? Do butterflies come from caterpillars??
–Office, 8th Ave
Overheard by: kpan
Tall blond tourist looking at Egyptian artifacts: So, are these, like, all real artifacts, or like, what? Know what I mean?
–The Metropolitan Museum
Girl to station agent: Can I go the other direction from here?
–W 103rd St
Overheard by: Emily B.
Blonde bimbo: Skydiving…is that the one done on water?
–Jerome Avenue Line
Woman, looking around crowded waiting area: I wonder how many people here are waiting for a train?
–Waiting Area, Penn Station
Overheard by: Not from New Jersey
Woman in elevator, after bumping into Al Roker: Wasn't that Tom Brokaw?
–Fisk Building