Archive for the ‘Stab’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Suffer the Heartache of Gringo Hips

Four-year-old girl to nanny: No, princesses don't get tickled. They just dance and get married. –North Williamsburg Overheard by: anti-feminist White girl in hoodie: If I see any of the other girls there want to dance with you they'd better watch out, 'cause it's stab-a-slut Sunday. –J Train Short guy with greasy hair: Yo, this girl was like, "wanna dance?" and I was like "okay," so she started dancing mad good. She was grinding up against me with her ass. –3rd Ave & 71st, Brooklyn Gay guy on cell in long line during Circuit City closeout: Does it have speakers? Because I like to dance in my room, and I like to feel the music. It's really cold, so I like to dance in my room, you know? –Circuit City, Union Square Drunk girl to Guido she knocked heads with while dancing: I'm a drinker, not a dancer! –Hook & Ladder Pub, Murray Hill Overheard by: also a drinker Professor: I'm of the personal opinion that anything counts for art. Take, for example, Nelly's "Hot in Here." We have an admonition of certain weather conditions and an entreaty for certain members of a demographic to react within a certain way, and a compliant voice replies, "I am getting so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off." This piece of art demonstrates how much easier life would be if getting a woman naked was that easy. And also, it makes me dance, and as we know, hips don't lie. –NYU Bobst Library Overheard by: queenofscots

Wednesday One-Liners Take Advantage Of Medicare While They Still Can

Blonde on cell: So it was either an ambulance or a taqueria. –Times Square Girl on cell: What? What!? Go to the hospital. Go to the hospital! Please. Why? Because when you get stabbed you go to the hospital, you don’t go and lay down. –Jersey Transit Thug, in a rush: Look, I don’t give a fuck! I just want Medicaid! –13th & 3rd Disgruntled male gynecologist: We’re the bastard stepchildren of the surgery world. General surgeons barely think we’re human. "Oh, don’t get up, it’s just a gynecologist." I could have been a general surgeon, a plastic surgeon, a dentist, a lawyer… I’d be making more money, too. My brother’s cat needed a caesarian section and the vet got paid more than I get paid to do a caesarian section! –Gynecology Office, 32nd & Madison Overheard by: Rose Fox Girl on cell: I told you I was sick and needed to go to the doctor’s! I can’t even swallow! I tried food, water and liquids! –Penn Station Overheard by: Ross Chick in scrubs (lighting cigarette) to friend in scrubs: My heart rate won’t go down! –113th & Amsterdam Overheard by: McFreaky

Wednesday One-Liners Remember When It Just Meant “Happy?”

Drunk queer: I am not gay! Just remind me of that later. –Bushwick Overheard by: uninvited party guest Lemming: Are we still following the Gaylords or are we becoming Independent? –Central Park Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie Midwesterner: I had a dream that I had a lot of funny faggot friends. It was so much fun! Then I woke up. –Avents Metrosexual: So, I’m thinking of becoming gay. What about you? Are you still gay? –35th & Broadway Chick on cell: I mean, when it’s just the two of us, he’s really gay — and I’m talking gayer than you — and frankly, that’s gay… And I don’t understand why he can’t just be that gay on stage… So hey, did you hear about that plane crash? Yeah… yeah… yeah, New Yorkers are really sensitive to planes crashing into buildings — something must have happened a while ago or something… Yeah, so I think I’m going to have sex with that guy from Craigslist… Although, he is ten years older than me, so if he’s looking for commitment he can have sex with me while he’s looking… It is not trashy — you can’t do anything trashy in your early 20s. I still have four more years until I have to even start thinking about being too trashy… Hey, can I call you back? I have to call my mom. –10 express bus French woman: So this Gaydar… It is like a radar? For the gays? –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Latina on cell: I’ll fucking kill him. I will. I’ll fucking kill him. I don’t know. No. He’s not. I just hate it that he thinks he can treat you like that. I mean, I’ll fucking kill him even though he’s a man, you know? I’ll fucking walk up to him and, like, stab him or something. Fuck yeah, I got a knife. I mean, maybe he’s gay, though. That must be it. He’s gay. No, no, no. He’s gay.. He has to be. No, I know he is. It’s a fact. That’s the only thing that makes sense, right? I mean, what other option is there? –Graham Ave, Williamsburg Overheard by: Following Quietly Behind

Wednesday One-Liners Star in a Revival of Dreamcoat

Man: Tonight we’ll go to the Polish restaurant, or we’ll go see Spamalot. Either way, we need the laughs. –Elevator, 250 West 57th St Four-year-old standing and pointing as Gaston is about to stab the Beast: Nooo! Stop that! –Lunt-Fontanne Theatre White chick: I’m entirely too white for this show. That, or too Canadian. They spell ‘color’ without a ‘u’! —The Color Purple, Broadway Theatre Guy on cell: I’m at Marie’s Crisis. Yeah, everyone at the party was ugly, and so I left, and I figured if I’m gonna hang out with ugly people, I might as well sing showtunes. –Marie’s Crisis piano bar, 50 Grove St Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster Small child during Tarzan: He’s dead ’cause he got shot. –Richard Rodgers Theater, 45th St & Broadway Overheard by: Adam Black 40-something lady passing theatre: Ain’t dis a play o’ somethin’? –Outside Nederlander Theatre on 41st St Overheard by: A-Mo

Now You Have to Schlep Out to Queens for That Sort of Entertainment

Chick: So what are the most dangerous places in New York these days?
Dude #1: I don’t know. Hell’s Kitchen used to be the worst.
Dude #2: What about Harlem?
Dude #1: I guess Harlem’s still bad, but it’s not like it used to be where everybody would be waiting around to stab lost white people. –1 Train Overheard by: Alex Remnick

Wednesday One-Liners Take a Stab at It

Girl on cell: Yeah, so he was kicked out of college. It’s kind of a long story. He like, pulled a knife on George Lucas. –Barnard College Curly-haired chick: If we go, like, cowboy/Indian, you’re supposed to be giving me smallpox blankets and liquor, and I’m supposed to hold a knife to your scalp. Hmmm. –Columbia University Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy Girl (yelling at other girl): Just because he cuts himself doesn’t mean he’s emo! –Brooklyn Tech HS 16-year-old to another: If Dane Cook was here, he would stab you in the chest. –The Beacon School Gay man to female friend: I’m gonna cut out your G-spot with a butter knife and stick it to the wall. –Dojo Resaurant Tall, muscular, handsome guy on cell: My night turned out pretty crazy… Why? Because this chick drew a knife on me in the restaurant before we even finished the appetizers… And I blame you for that. –Grand Army Plaza Overheard by: wishes she would have been there…