Archive for the ‘Stall Spies’ Category

I Knew This Planned Parenthood Internship Would Pay Off

Dude #1: …so do you think I can have dibs on her, or is that not a good idea?
Dude #2: What do you mean?
Dude #1: Well, she had an abortion six weeks ago.
Dude #2: Oh dude, what are you doing!?
Dude #1: Yeah, but can't she not get pregnant because she just had an abortion?
Dude #2: Oh, that's a good point. I don't think that works like that…
Dude #1: But it was six weeks ago.
Dude #2: Oh, I thought you said six months ago! Yeah, man, you got a sweet deal there. I can't believe your luck, where do you keep meeting these women!?

–Bathroom, Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Where Do Your Parents Think You Are?

Underage brunette: So, do you want to go somewhere else? I kind of want to stay because that guy is so hot!
Underage blonde: No, I want to stay here because my ID works here and I'm afraid to go somewhere else. Yeah, he is hot, it's weird that he's ignoring you.
Underage brunette: I know, right? I just want to go home with him tonight.
Underage blonde: Well, when we hooked up we had sex four times that night, you know?
Underage brunette: Yeah, I guess I need to get a little more drunk. Let's go.

–Bathroom, Heartland Brewery, Empire State Building

Overheard by: nycResident

Ugh, Food Babies Are The Worst

20-something girl #1: I’ve been so sick today.
20-something girl #2: Oh no! Why?
20-something girl #1: Must have been those two squash and spaghetti sandwiches I ate yesterday.
20-something girl #2: Oh, right!
(momentary pause)
20-something girl #1
: So, have you ever been pregnant?


–Ladies Room, Vento Trattoria

Headline by: Alex

Runners-Up:
· “It’s The Perfect Way to Justify My Incredibly Bizarre Eating Habits” – Caitlin

· “It’s Usually the After Dinner Drinks That Get Me Pregnant.” – Bud
· “No, But Sometimes I Pretend to Be So People Don’t Mock My Food Choices” – o k
· “So Began the Story Of the Immaculate Conception Of the Flying Spaghetti Monster” – Jared
· “The Day Peggy Learned Squash-and-Spaghetti-Sandwich Contraception Is a Myth” – Steve
· “The Shift in Topic Was So Jarring, Tina Had to Be Hospitalized.” – Sam
· “They Don’t Call Me “Subtle Stacy” for Nothing” – fresca


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I Probably Should Quit Drinking

Chick #1 in stall: So Jessica*…
(loud hand-drier turns on for a few seconds, then off)
Chick #2, in adjacent stall
: Yeah?

(loud hand-drier turns on again, then off)
Chick #1
: So did I tell you about…

(loud hand-drier turns on again, then off)
Chick #1
: So then I sucked his co…

(loud hand-drier turns on again, then off)
Chick #1
: And long story short, I'm pregnant!

(loud hand-drier turns on again)

–Bathroom Bohemian Beer Garden, Astoria

Overheard by: SillyUrn