Archive for the ‘Stall Spies’ Category

Where Do Your Parents Think You Are?

Underage brunette: So, do you want to go somewhere else? I kind of want to stay because that guy is so hot!
Underage blonde: No, I want to stay here because my ID works here and I'm afraid to go somewhere else. Yeah, he is hot, it's weird that he's ignoring you.
Underage brunette: I know, right? I just want to go home with him tonight.
Underage blonde: Well, when we hooked up we had sex four times that night, you know?
Underage brunette: Yeah, I guess I need to get a little more drunk. Let's go.

–Bathroom, Heartland Brewery, Empire State Building

Overheard by: nycResident

Ugh, Food Babies Are The Worst

20-something girl #1: I’ve been so sick today.
20-something girl #2: Oh no! Why?
20-something girl #1: Must have been those two squash and spaghetti sandwiches I ate yesterday.
20-something girl #2: Oh, right!
(momentary pause)
20-something girl #1
: So, have you ever been pregnant?


–Ladies Room, Vento Trattoria

Headline by: Alex

Runners-Up:
· “It’s The Perfect Way to Justify My Incredibly Bizarre Eating Habits” – Caitlin

· “It’s Usually the After Dinner Drinks That Get Me Pregnant.” – Bud
· “No, But Sometimes I Pretend to Be So People Don’t Mock My Food Choices” – o k
· “So Began the Story Of the Immaculate Conception Of the Flying Spaghetti Monster” – Jared
· “The Day Peggy Learned Squash-and-Spaghetti-Sandwich Contraception Is a Myth” – Steve
· “The Shift in Topic Was So Jarring, Tina Had to Be Hospitalized.” – Sam
· “They Don’t Call Me “Subtle Stacy” for Nothing” – fresca


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I Probably Should Quit Drinking

Chick #1 in stall: So Jessica*…
(loud hand-drier turns on for a few seconds, then off)
Chick #2, in adjacent stall
: Yeah?

(loud hand-drier turns on again, then off)
Chick #1
: So did I tell you about…

(loud hand-drier turns on again, then off)
Chick #1
: So then I sucked his co…

(loud hand-drier turns on again, then off)
Chick #1
: And long story short, I'm pregnant!

(loud hand-drier turns on again)

–Bathroom Bohemian Beer Garden, Astoria

Overheard by: SillyUrn

Wednesday One-Liners Are Next to Godliness

Hipster: It just sucks having to change the sheets every day.

–54th & Broadway

Overheard by: J-Dawg

Man coming out of bathroom: Rhetorical question: do you wash your hands before or after pissing?

–Columbia Bathroom

Old man on cell: You tell her I don’t want her using that same toilet brush. I want her to use a new one for my place.

–34 Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: truly confused

Tranny to another: And I told him if he wanted to shove that shit up my pussy, he better wash it real good first!

–2nd St b/w 1st & 2nd Aves

Guy on cell: It still stinks? Did you try washing it? Oh. How about using a nail brush? You did? Well, how much skin did you lose?

–C Train

Overheard by: Davis Baker

Angry thug on cell: I ain’t washin’ shit!

–Broadway & Great Jones

Overheard by: Jon A.

Wednesday One-Liners Prove That Nowhere Is Safe from Our Spies

Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop!

–Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station

Overheard by: Betsy

[Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]
Girl
: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark!


–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor!

–Sheraton Hotel

Overheard by: Morgan

Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh!

–SVA Animation Department

Overheard by: Laughing

Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts?

–Kimmel Center, NYU

Overheard by: JO in Bobst

Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family.

–AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square

Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall

[Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]
Co-worker, yelling
: "I’m sorry, I had milk!"


–Office bathroom, 31st Street