Archive for the ‘Stall Spies’ Category

To the Extent You Have Such a Thing

Guy #1, at urinal: Yo, that chick who came with Nancy — smokin’.
Guy #2, in stall: Yeah, bro. Anna. I tagged the shit out of her once in her parents’ house in Long Island.
Guy #1: No fucking way! You’re such a douchebag.
Guy #2: I’m serious, man. It was kind of awkward and shit… I kept slipping off the bed — it was tough to get in position.
Guy #1: Damn, you were that wasted?!
Guy #2: Nah, man, it was on her little brother’s bed. He had rubber sheets and shit.
Guy #1: What the fuck?
Guy #2: He’s like a perpetual bed-wetter or some shit. Her bedroom was right next to her parents’… Totally fucked up my style.

–Bathroom, Sutton Place Bar

Overheard by: Cuthbert

Wednesday One-Liners Know How to Potty

Man leaving bathroom stall: I did it my way!

–420 5th Ave

Loud 12-year-old girl in stall, screaming to friends by the sinks: Is it bad that my pee is, like, foamy?

–Barnes & Noble, Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Jenn

Young girl exiting porta-potty: I feel sick. I guess I shouldn’t have looked down.

–Prospect Park

Kid in stall: Dad, I’m peeing with one hand behind my back and my eyes closed!

–Toys ‘R’ Us

Overheard by: Sean Bogart

Woman running into bathroom: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, I have to pee! [Enters stall] Phew! Come on… [Starts peeing, then sighs] Oh, thank you, dear Lord, for this glorious opportunity!

–Staten Island Ferry terminal

Overheard by: amila, NOT the Lord

Girl in stall, answering cell: Hello? What? Oh, yeah, sorry. I was totally masturbating when you called.

–Union Square

Try a Different City

Hot lesbian #1: Come on, this girl is taking forever!
Hot lesbian #2: If I lift up my clit I can pee standing up…
Straight Asian dude trying to come in: Um…
Hot lesbian #3: Excuse me! Some people are trying to use the urinal! Could we have some privacy in here or what?

–Men’s room, lesbian bar

Overheard by: projectilepee

Wednesday One-Liners Are Potty Mouths

Man in stall, struggling: Damn you, Taco Bell!

–Bathroom, John Jay College

Girl on cell in stall: I liked him better when he was homeless.

–Bathroom, Lerner Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Sydney

Drunk hipster in stall: Don’t get the kielbasa sandwich.

–Club Warsaw, Williamsburg

Overheard by: nickporjr

Man on cell in stall: Hold on a second, honey. [Biological sounds] Okay, I’m back. Look, there’s no way to say this other than right out. This week together made me think things over. Will you marry me?

–Office bathroom, 44th & Lex

Overheard by: Tony

Drunk girl in stall, to herself: Okay, this time let’s try not to pee all over my jeans.

–Cabana, Maritime Hotel

Girl in stall: Uggghhh! Fuck… [Panting] Fuck!

–Bathroom, Fordham Law School

Overheard by: Seriously concerned

Guy at urinal: Oh yeah, son! Yeah, I am dominating this shit!

–Library Bathroom, Fordham University

She Puts the “Pat” in Patent Law Class

Girl #1: Uh… This is the women’s restroom, right?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: This is the women’s restroom, right?
Girl #2: Yeah. Why?
Girl #1: There was just a guy in here!
Girl #3: No… that’s a woman.
Girl #1: Oh.
Girl #3: Yeah, she’s in my class.

–NYU


Headline by: Brady


Runners-Up:
· “Does She Always Stand While She Pees?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “Hermaphrodites 101″ – Sami
· “Janet Reno: The College Years” – International Man of Leisure
· “Just because I’m washing my hands, doesn’t mean I can’t hear you.” – aaron Stephenson




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