Female tourist: Hey, we're in New York City! We can let our hair down and have fun!
Male tourist: Too bad I'm bald.
Female tourist: Well, you're screwed.
–Starbucks
Archive for the ‘Starbucks’ Category
Lions, and Tigers, and Wednesday One-Liners — Oh My!
20-something woman on cell: Did I tell you mom got into a fight with a raccoon again? (pause) Yeah, I know, our mom is totally going to die of rabies.
–Starbucks, West Village
Overheard by: Vaccinated for rabies
Guy to another: Flap your wings baby, just flap your wings!
–Broadway
Woman, shouting at no one in particular: You know I'm unstoppable! I'm like an ox!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
NYU girl: My mother was like, "what would you do with a giant inflatable turkey?" and I was like, "what wouldn't you do with a giant inflatable turkey?"
–3rd Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Mickey
Wednesday One-Liners Eat at Friendly's
Mother to four-year-old making loud, weird noises in stroller: Will you shut up? See… That's why you don't have any friends.
–Supermarket, Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: George O.
Woman on cell: She put my friendship on the line for a Chanel bag! (pause) So I guess I'm worth like, $600 dollars.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Overheard by: Kade
Angry woman to man: You had to fuck my friend?! You couldn't think of a better place to put your dick?
–Elevator, 75 Wall St
Overheard by: Jonathan
Seated guy to standing woman: I was out drinking with a friend. Well, less of a friend and more my parole officer…
–L Train
Overheard by: Bradburnside
Suit to woman: I don't believe in friends, ya know?
–22nd & 6th
Overheard by: Edyna
“It's a Small Wednesday One-Liner After All”
College girl: Yeah, the worst part about Africa was that we, like, didn't go out!
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Noemi
Shabby-looking blue collar mom to distinguished older Indian woman: Ohhh! I have always wanted to go to Bollywood! I love East Africa and Asia! I wanted to buy a bonsai tree, but they are way too expensive.
–5 Train
20-something, looking at Washington arch: There was something like this in France.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: M
Guy on cell: I swear I didn't have sex with her when I was in Norway.
–Lower East Side
…Because, Personally, I Prefer “Failing at Life.”
Man: So how do you feel now you that you've been fired?
Woman: “Laid off.”
Man: Yeah, whatever you want to call it.
–Starbucks
Just a Couple Of Dudes, Comparing Their Meat.
European: You guys are big on your breakfast.
American: Yeah, not really. Europeans really know how to do breakfast… We don't.
European: I guess. Like we have Polish sausage.
–Starbucks
A Bulgarian Wax Will Pull Your Balkans Off
Heavily accented barista: Vat can I get forrr you?
Customer: I'll have a tall, iced, nonfat latte…I like your accent. Are you from Brazil?
Heavily accented barista: No, I'm from Bulgaria.
Customer: Oh. Is that near Brazil?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: *smacks forehead with hand*
That's Just New York in the Morning, Honey
Little girl: It smells here.
Father: Oh, like what?
Little girl: Like… Coffee… and… the zoo.
–Starbucks
Wednesdays Have Defense Wounds on Their One-Liners
College girl on cell: He told me he got in a knife fight with his dad, and I was like (sarcastic) "Yeah, okay! You got in a knife fight with your dad." (pause) But he probably did get in a knife fight with his dad…
–Columbia University
Girl to friend: Trinity is the school for kids from Choate who stabbed their roommate.
–Clover Club
Overheard by: Emily
Girl to friend: I will cut you in your face with a knife before I put my hands on you. You feel me?
–E 161st St, The Bronx
Hamptons club girl: You mean I cut him with a razor blade and I don't even recognize him?
–Outside East Village Club
Overheard by: DJ
20-something girl, on cell: Oh my god! Who the hell gets stabbed in the back of the head at a flower shop?
–Starbucks
Only If They're Envying the Yellower Bananas
Starbucks barista: Sorry, we're all out of bananas. Would you like to try something else?
Beach bum tanning girl: But I never drink anything from here that doesn't have bananas.
Starbucks barista: Well, we have some bananas in the back, but they still look green.
Beach bum tanning girl, clearly confused: If they're green on the outside, does that mean they're green on the inside too?
–Starbucks, Staten Island
Overheard by: Jacqueline Battaglia