Archive for the ‘Starbucks’ Category

Hey, at Least I Know His Name

Flamboyantly gay guy: So, did you decide whom you like better?
Girl: No. They're both so smart and funny and nice. I mean, you met Jim*, right? What did you think? He's cool, right?
Flamboyantly gay guy: He's definitely cool.
Girl, sighing: But so is Tom*! I don't know. But I do have to choose 'cause Tom is putting pressure on me.
Flamboyantly gay guy: Just answer this one question and you'll have the matter settled–whose dick is better?
Girl, shocked at first, but then earnestly: Oh, well… I've only seen Jim's.
Flamboyantly gay guy: You slept with Jim already?! Slut!

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

FAQsday One-Liners

NYU girl: It's a box, though… Can you FedEx a box?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Elena

Tourist: So… Are we like, underground now?

–NRW Train

Overheard by: Stacey

Mom in toy store: Do you guys have any organic play-doh?

–7th Ave & Garfield, Park Slope

Overheard by: persiangroove

Teen tourist bimbo, looking at Rockefeller Center Christmas tree Swarovski tree topper: So, can we buy it?

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Kaitlen

20-something girl: Wait, so what's a blog?

–55th & 6th

Thug on bus on cell: Yeah, I just got on the bus. How will I know when it's the third stop?
(goes on to get off on the second stop)

–Roosevelt Island

Cue Neil Diamond

Cute but innocent 20-something: Guess where I'm going tonight?
Older female coworker: Oh, is tonight the night you're going out with the hockey team?
Cute but innocent 20-something: Yeah, I won a contest! I'm going to Pittsburgh on a bus with the Islanders.
Male coworker: And when you come back, you'll be a woman.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Big Larry

Die, Wednesday-One-Liner Scum!

Male yuppie to female yuppie: So milfs are totally in right now.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Lolita

20-something male yuppie, surrounded with Starbucks coffee containers and yelling at laptop: It took you six fucking minutes to get to the fucking page! Rawwwr! I'm going to rip you apart, you stupid fucking computer! Rawwr!

–Starbucks

Yuppie-hipster mom, to sobbing toddler: Yeah, I know, your life is just so tough.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: It's because those hemp diapers you make her wear chafe like hell.

Yuppie woman: This is like the Third World!

–8th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sam Chalek

Anxiety I Like to Relieve by Peeing in Coffee Cups

Barista girl: Ohmigod, I love your shoes! I want them.
Register girl: Thanks.
Barista girl: I love them! Awww.
Register girl, embarrassed: Thanks, haha.
Barista girl: I love them, but I can never get them… Because I can't wear black with brown.
Register girl, borderline offended: Why not?
Barista girl: It gives me anxiety, that's why.

–Starbucks

Crowding Out All the Perfectly Rational Jews, Catholics and Muslims

Drama queen: So we're so right for each other and we stayed up, like, forever talking, and then he kissed me. But don't get too excited; there's a huge problem.
Uninterested friend: Mmm-hm?
Drama queen: He's a Mormon. Like, his whole family is Mormon, and he kind of sort of believes in all that crap with the golden plates.
Uninterested friend, suddenly interested: Goddamn! Just when you think you've met the perfect guy, you find out that he's a Mormon. Shit. I tell you, those motherfuckers are everywhere!

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Actually, more like multiple-teenage-girl fuckers, but that just doesn't have the same ring.