Teen Girl: It’s a good thing Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt broke up because I am so going to do him when I meet him. If he is with Angelina Jolie that is even better because I would totally do her too. I would definitely do both of them! –Staten Island Mall
Archive for the ‘Staten Island’ Category
We Call It “Little Israel”
Guy: So you guys are Jewish?
Girl: Yeah, why?
Guy: Are you from Brooklyn? I live there now, and there are a lot of Jewish people there.
Girl: No, we’re from Staten Island.
Guy: Oh. Are there a lot of Jewish people there?
–Finnerty’s, Union Square area
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Sadly, This Isn’t Fiction Either
Woman: Do you have a non-fiction section?
Book guy: Well, everything that’s not fiction is non-fiction. [Over] there’s cooking, and there’s history.
Woman: No, that’s not what I asked. Do you have a section for non-fiction?
Book guy: Well, there are no non-fiction novels. Everything here that’s not a novel is non-fiction.
Woman: But you don’t have a non-fiction section?
Book guy: No. Everything that isn’t fiction is non-fiction.
–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island
Overheard by: Dr. Ballon
Wednesday One-Liners for Pauly D.
Guido: It just depends where you put your penis.
–South Street Seaport
Guido on cell: Can I get a blowjob with that too? (pause) Mmmm ,yeah. Where are you right now?
–Wagner College
Overheard by: Ferch
Guido: I'm about to go back to Men's Warehouse and be like, "what the fuck?"
–51st St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Puerto Rican girl: That's it! Koreans are like Asian Guidos! Except they don't tan…
–59th & 10th
Overheard by: shawn
Mirra Mirra on Da Wall/ Who's Most Ign'ant in Da Mall?
Male black teen #1: You sound ign'ant.
Male black teen #2: I ain't ign'ant, you ign'ant!
Male black teen #1: You said “truesfully” and there ain't no “s's” in “trufully.”
Male black teen #2: I didn't say “truesfully,” I know there ain't no “s's” in “trufully.”
–Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: NewYorkLaw
Narcs Are Born, Not Made.
Small boy: I wanna go home! Why can't we go home, mommyyyyy? I'm tireddd. I'm bored!
Mom: Shush now.
Little girl passing by with her mom: Yeah, be quiet!
–Target, Staten Island
Overheard by: Ilikecandy
Only If They're Envying the Yellower Bananas
Starbucks barista: Sorry, we're all out of bananas. Would you like to try something else?
Beach bum tanning girl: But I never drink anything from here that doesn't have bananas.
Starbucks barista: Well, we have some bananas in the back, but they still look green.
Beach bum tanning girl, clearly confused: If they're green on the outside, does that mean they're green on the inside too?
–Starbucks, Staten Island
Overheard by: Jacqueline Battaglia
…Seriously, What's with the Scales?
Guido to chef: Ew, that looks like raw fish! It looks like salmon! Is that fish?
Japanese chef, cheerfully: It's chicken!
Guido: It looks like shit! I thought it was fish!
–Japanese Food Stand, Food Court, Staten Island Mall
Overheard by: Ashamed to be Italian…
Wednesday One-Liners for Tammany Hall
Girl with Obama pin: Oh my god, I can't believe I spent this whole night hanging out with a Republican!
–104th St & Manhattan Ave
Overheard by: Emily
Guy to friends: There's only one thing I want him to shove down my throat, and it's not his Republican ideals.
–43rd & 8th
Gov't. Teacher: Sometimes you wanna smack a moderate.
–Curtis High School, Staten Island
Overheard by: jules
Woman: I blame McCain for the snow.
–St. Mark's & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Philip & Richard
Like, When You Encounter Chutes. Or Ladders.
Ten-year-old girl #1: You suck at this game!
Ten-year-old girl #2: One day it will come in handy!
–Summer Camp, Staten Island
Overheard by: never know what you'll over hear as a camp counselor