Archive for the ‘Staten Island’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Like the Moon

Overweight geeky lunatic protester: The perpetual battery will last longer than any of us! The perpetual battery is the answer to all of our energy problems! It will draw its power from the very vacuum of space!

–Union Square South

Overheard by: Percival

Crazy old guy with beard and hat with lots of buttons: Where is the moon? Where is the moon, where is the galaxy? Have you ever seen Men in Black? It's all about the galaxy. The earth is beneath Columbus Circle. The moon is at 64th and Central Park West. If you had to suspend reality, how would you do it?

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: Jingles

Professor: Has anybody ever seen a solar eclipse? Anybody, anybody? (silence) No? Well, maybe we were all inside on Facebook when it happened…

–St. John's University, Staten Island

Overheard by: Andrea

Visiting professor, explaining "word salad": Cream cheese to the moon mother, fuckers!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Molly Moo

Obviously sober guy: I know Vikings eat ham, but what about Saturn?

–Rotating Cube Sculpture, Astor Place

Blonde: You cannot eat in space! It sucks you in.

–Union Square

Crazy bag man with hat full of buttons: Where's the moon, where's the moon? If the globe on Columbus Cirlce is the earth, the moon is on 63rd Street West. That is a test of spatial ree-al-uh-tee. How well did you do?

–Uptown 3 Train, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Les Izzmore

We Call It “Little Israel”

Guy: So you guys are Jewish?
Girl: Yeah, why?
Guy: Are you from Brooklyn? I live there now, and there are a lot of Jewish people there.
Girl: No, we’re from Staten Island.
Guy: Oh. Are there a lot of Jewish people there? –Finnerty’s, Union Square area Overheard by: Becka Dash

Sadly, This Isn’t Fiction Either

Woman: Do you have a non-fiction section?
Book guy: Well, everything that’s not fiction is non-fiction. [Over] there’s cooking, and there’s history.
Woman: No, that’s not what I asked. Do you have a section for non-fiction?
Book guy: Well, there are no non-fiction novels. Everything here that’s not a novel is non-fiction.
Woman: But you don’t have a non-fiction section?
Book guy: No. Everything that isn’t fiction is non-fiction.

–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Dr. Ballon

Wednesday One-Liners for Pauly D.

Guido: It just depends where you put your penis.

–South Street Seaport

Guido on cell: Can I get a blowjob with that too? (pause) Mmmm ,yeah. Where are you right now?

–Wagner College

Overheard by: Ferch

Guido: I'm about to go back to Men's Warehouse and be like, "what the fuck?"

–51st St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Puerto Rican girl: That's it! Koreans are like Asian Guidos! Except they don't tan…

–59th & 10th

Overheard by: shawn

Only If They're Envying the Yellower Bananas

Starbucks barista: Sorry, we're all out of bananas. Would you like to try something else?
Beach bum tanning girl: But I never drink anything from here that doesn't have bananas.
Starbucks barista: Well, we have some bananas in the back, but they still look green.
Beach bum tanning girl, clearly confused: If they're green on the outside, does that mean they're green on the inside too?

–Starbucks, Staten Island

Overheard by: Jacqueline Battaglia