Archive for the ‘Staten Island’ Category

Yo Momma So Wednesday, She One-Liners!

Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my mother to thank her. (pause) No, I said, "Mom, I'm calling on behalf of me and the girls to thank you very much." (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck herself then.

–90th & Amsterdam Ave

Man on cell: You know a guy really likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain't never gonna meet my mom.

–South Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: smfd

Female college student to friend: We really need to cougarize your mom.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Oh really

Guy: So, hey, my mom didn't die today.

–W 26th & 8th

Overheard by: Katie_AK

Girl sneaking into open conductor's room in front of the train: Next stop, your mother's asshole! Stand clear of the closing cheeks!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Adriana

Handbag seller on street corner: Yo! Tell yo mama I got her bag right here!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Taryn

Girl on cell: Yeah, I'm bussin' it for now, my mom's on this thing that I have to show her responsibility… I know, it's like I get up in the morning, I haven't gotten arrested in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me?

–Seguine Ave & Waterbury, Staten Island

Wednesday One-Liners Did Chop Down That Cherry Tree

Well dressed party-goer: No, like, I went to Princeton -we lied all the time.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Cuny Graduate

Dude on cell: Okay… Great. Yeah. But I gotta go. My mom’s calling. [Hangs up, shoves phone in pocket.]

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Overheard by: Squiggs

Woman on cell: I just don’t understand why he got so freaked out about it. I said "I love you" -big fucking deal. That doesn’t mean anything. I could have been lying. I was lying, for Christ’s sake.

–L Train

Crazy hobo: Hillary Clinton is a liar, she lies. We’ve been married for 28 years and she won’t admit to it. Liar. Afraid of integration, that’s Hillary.

–E Train

Overheard by: Liz Beaux

Suit on cell to his wife: Yeah… Yeah… Oh, honey, I have to go, this is it, the train’s here. Bye! [Clicks over to the other line.] Hey buddy! How’s it going!

–125th St. Subway platform

Overheard by: EthanK

Twentysomething player on cell, picking fresh hairs off him : I feel you, I feel you, I can’t meet up with you now, I have to go to Forest Hills to get my haircut.

–N Train

Overheard by: john

Guy on cell: Most people lie to get out of jury duty and here I am being honest about NAMBLA.

–73rd & 2nd

Overheard by: melissa

Just Wait ‘Til We Get to the Fungus Unit and I Give You All Lapdances!

HS teacher with PhD, looking in stereo microscope at spores: Oh no, you won’t be able to see the hermaphrodites fully, they’re not sexually mature yet. [Dances around.]
Student: Umm… Okay.
HS teacher with PhD, clapping hands: What you’ve got there is some sexually frustrated spores [keeps dancing, moves to next station, fiddles around with knobs] Ooh, ooh, your spores haven’t come yet, but they’ll look like mittens when they do.
[Student bursts into muffled laughing.]
HS teacher with PhD
: I know, aren’t spores fascinating? Are you laughing at my dancing?… Because biology just gets me so excited!


–Notre Dame Academy H.S., Staten Island

Wednesday One-Liners Go Looking for a Vein

Girl #1 to girl #2: Wouldn't you just rather have a night where we just get really high and scissor?

–Grand & Union, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: So they're smoking crack and fucking on his mother's bed!

–17th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Dave

Little kid: Look, I'm on crack!

–Apple Store, Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: Robert

Junkie to junkie companion, standing in front of Band-Aids: I need to test positive for methadone and negative for everything else…

–Walgreens, Union Square

Hobo on train: Does anyone have any money for me? Any food? Any opium? Lots and lots of opium?

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: left my opium stash at home

20-something blond girl on cell: You just have to convince them that you care more about college than you do about drugs, and they'll give you another chance…that's what I did!

–Chinatown Bus

Overheard by: GavinJoyce

Tourist: So I called her up and said, "Come down or you're going to miss breakfast, and I want to have breakfast with you." And all she said was, "I really like opium." and I was like, "Oh, okay."

–33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Some NYC History, Overheard Style

Slacker #1: You know that ships used to come up the river and dock in the West Village?
Slacker #2: Really, man?
Slacker #1: Yeah, really. They used to let the sailors out there…yeah, that’s where the term “Hey Sailor” came from. –Prince Street laundromat Japanese girl: If this is New York, where are Old York?
Japanese Dad: I think that is in England. –59th & 6th Overheard by: Svein Brunstad

The Difference? An Average of 50 Lbs

High school girl #1: Yeah, Americans have no moral values. The United States hasn’t had good morals since, like, the 17th century.
High school girl #2: Yeah, I know.
High school girl #1: I mean, you could walk down the street naked and no one would say anything. That would never happen in Europe.
High school girl #2: Yeah, but in France women wear tight, revealing clothing, too.
High school girl #1: But in France it’s fashionable. Here it’s just slutty.

–Victory Blvd, Staten Island

Overheard by: The US wasn’t a country in the 17th century…