Archive for the ‘Staten Island Ferry’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Have Lips and a Beard, but No Nose

Woman to friend: I just don't understand these women. I mean, get your head out of your bush and look around!

–66th & Broadway

Overheard by: rawr

Girl: Oh, I was wondering why my vagina was vibrating!

–Salvation Army, 11th & 4th

Man on sidewalk, waving arms: I can't, can't, can't, can't, can't get enough pussy!

–125th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: wonders why

Woman on cell: I get my pussy eaten out so much I don't even want it anymore.

–Staten Island Ferry

Girl on cell: Oh, come on, I can see her vagina from here!

–Court St & Dean St, Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Astigmatic

Hush, Little Wednesday, Don't You One-Liner

Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying.

–4th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: olivejuice

Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lucian

Guy to girl, on Valentine's Day: You look fat when you cry.

–Cobble Hill

Overheard by: MJB

Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you!

–Staten Island Ferry

Guy to girlfriend: I'm sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying.

–Bowery & 2nd

Wednesday One-Liners Just Got Off the Boat– Again

Puerto Rican guy to another: Out of all the continents, Staten Island is the craziest.

–Spring St b/w Mott & Elizabeth

Overheard by: Jack D

Girl to guy: I can't wait to be a Staten Islander.

–28th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Jennifer

Suit on cell: I take the Staten Island ferry because it's like a free cruise.

–60th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Mike

Ferry announcer: Please follow the signs posted for your assistance, and please see uniformed crew men in case of emergency. Thank you for riding the Staten Island ferry. Have a nice life!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Steven

Professor: So is anyone here from Staten Island? (no reply) Good!

–NYU

Sylvia Hadn't Realized They Were off Staten Island.

Suit, tapping singing girl on the shoulder: You sing wonderfully.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Suit: Yeah, by “wonderfully” I mean it sounds like a cat getting ass raped by a donkey. So I am sure that everyone else would appreciate you not doing that anymore as it is only 6 am.
(passengers clap)

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

A Fancy Feast of Wednesday One-Liners

60-year-old woman to friend, at Met opening gala: I'm not going to go to the opera this year. There are no fancy entrances.

–62nd & Amsterdam, Improvised Met Entrance

Overheard by: Melissa

Crazy man to group of young women: Hello ladies, are you having a nice night? (women ignore him) You could just say "yes." I'm not Jack the Ripper, I'm not the Boston Strangler…look at you, walking all fancy and shit!

–125th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Anna

Tourist girl: Y'all, Times Square is so fancy. They have a red lobster!

–Times Square

Hobo: Red lobster? What kind of fancy guy do you know? You're lucky if I can buy you a slice of pizza.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: hungry4biscuits

Crazy guy on subway: You have to hold onto your valuables, your Christmas presents, your fancy lingerie…because if you put them down, someone will take them. People are really fast around here. Men, women, transvestites…transvestites are really fond of fancy lingerie.

–Northbound R Train

Overheard by: ElizabethB